You can't blame The Truth anymore.

by wanderlustguy 12 Replies latest jw friends

  • wanderlustguy
    wanderlustguy

    Someone related a story to me a couple of months ago… over the last few days it sunk in.

    There was a time it was so easy for me to get mad and angry and virtually meditate on how the Organization systematically stripped me and so many of my loved ones of their life…the life that could have been. Real love was replaced with a recipe of what love is, putting “God” first and then defining what the perception of God was supposed to be, to include a group of men directed by a corporation that decides who we can or cannot speak to, as well as who we can or cannot love in the common sense of the word. Love was changed into a method of control. The normal expressions of love were basically stacked up and socked away, reserved only for those following the direction of the Society. Disagree with something, and the people you value the most take away the only thing that matters, love and support. The instructions are clear…do not discuss anything with non believers, for those who leave the group, do not even say a greeting. Not even a hello from your family. If you find out about a loved one passing away, it is from someone not related to you or at the least, not a part of the group you were in.

    Once your eyes are opened to the truth about The Truth, you are faced with a choice. Either you can ignore what you know now in your heart and act like you still believe in The Society, or you can make decisions based on your knowledge, and lose every friend and family member you have in The Truth.

    Back to the story that was shared with me. A friend of mine had an abusive father. Abusive as in he’s lucky to even be here. His dad went to prison when this man was 15, for murder, premeditated. Now this friend of mine is 30, and considered to be a successful business owner. His father was released about a year ago, and recently they had a conversation which went something like this.

    Dad: What the hell is your problem, why are you so pissed at me?

    Son: Because you f*cked up my life.

    Dad: How’s that? You seem to be doing well?

    Son: Yea, that’s just it, it all appearance. I fake everything, I’ve been through so much sh*t that no one will ever understand and no matter how good I do it will never be good enough to offset the crap you’ve done to me. I’m nowhere near happy.

    Dad: That’s your problem, not mine. If you aren’t happy and you keep on doing the same thing, how is it my fault? Do whatever, don’t speak to me, hate me, whatever, but if you aren’t happy and you are healthy and can do something about it, don’t let me get in your way. Forget me and go be happy. If you know what’s wrong, then fix it.

    Son: (nothing)

    He told me that after he was done being mad, he realized his father was right. Since he KNEW what was bothering him, he had the responsibility to either make changes or shut up about it, because his life is in his own hands now.

    It makes sense to me. There was a time that I couldn’t stop thinking about the organization and how to “help” as many people as I could. I read so much that I can’t remember doing anything else for the better part of a year. Then one day it hit me that I was getting worse and not better. I had to walk away from it. I went from posting on the forums almost hourly to once every few months. So little in fact, I lost my login information several times.

    Now I’m back again, reading and posting more often, but it’s much healthier for my life these days. I’m not hanging around hoping to help pull someone out, but instead if someone says something that catches my eye and I think my smart mouth might do a little good…I shoot it off.
    But I also refuse to let them take the rest of my life. If we give up the things we want, the way we want to feel every day because we are just as consumed with being anti-org as we were being pro-org…the end result is the same. They claim another victim. A life is not lived as it could be because of disillusioned old men who think they are the mouthpieces of God.

    The best revenge is a life well lived.

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Bravo.





    While I completely agree with you, I do want to clarify that I think being angry for a WHILE is healthy. It follows a well-recognized path that leads to healing... as described by Elizabeth Kubler Ross describing the stages of grief...

    The stages are:

    1. Denial: The initial stage: "It can't be happening."
    2. Anger: "Why ME? It's not fair?!" (either referring to God, oneself, or anybody perceived, rightly or wrongly, as "responsible")
    3. Bargaining: "Just let me live to see my son graduate."
    4. Depression: "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"
    5. Acceptance: "It's going to be OK."


    It is a wonderful, wonderful thing to be able to know that "It's going to be okay."

    Love,
    Baba.

  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    In the example you site of the father releasing his son saying. "Don't let me stop you from finding and pursuing happiness." Even when considering the dysfunction of this family, he has been released. His own father gave him the key to release himself.

    Where is the key the organization gives to release us? It is an ever, ongoing pile of shit, that will not cease stinking. My family will never let it die! Neither will the org. It would be fine and easy to let go if we could be released by a phycopath, like the example provided, but the machinations of this cult are bigger than the two of us. No wait, the three of us. Ok how about the whole family connecting together to rip from you, any mojo or pychic energy you have. So long as my family lives, this problem lives. There is no release. I thought, since my last rant, which was pretty heavy, that would be the end of my bitching. Maybe it is, Maybe it isn't, but I know one thing, this is an ongoing problem that will not cease until all involved are buried and dead or I become a Jehoober again.

    Letting go means a trip of guilt, that you have completely disowned your family, and are somehow a rebellious evil, unworthy peice of scum. I know it ain't so, but there will never be a peice of positive affirmation from my family, that I can take to the bank.

    The family is a a proving ground of sorts. If you do not suceed in mastering the interaction of family, you will not suceed in the world, doing so. Family holds many important cards, that will set you free, enslave you, destroy you or make you suceed. The society Knows this, and use it as the most powerful tool they have in their cult arsenal.

    I have read, your topic on the need to be alone. Yes, I agree that it is important to get in touch with the inner pilot that guides you. It is the voice that we should be listening to. When the voices and desires of other peoples lives, conflict with out own, it is time to shut the noise off. These are distractions, that will keep us from fulfilling our destinies. Not all cases are the same, nor are the dynamics which dictate our courses of action, or inaction. Some peoples lives are too drowned out to be heard even by your own soul. There is no peace. You must have peace, to suceed, and depending on how deeply your social network and support system relies on this system, will determine how much of your soul will be left to explore the real world.

    You can explore the world in defiance, you can run with the world by the seat of your pants, but in the end, if you are villified, if you are labelled, if you are in despair, if you no longer trust, your sucess will be empty. What your peers say, what your family says, whether you like it or not, will effect you.

    You are made to, with no choice, to either abandon everything you were ever taught, or know yourself and surroundings on a level so well, that nothing said will ever bother you.

    If your family doesn't allow you this freedom to explore yourself, and your world, you will always feel a struggle to be normal, and do naturally what others do without even thinking about it.

  • Tyrone van leyen
    Tyrone van leyen

    You better beleive I can blame " The truth", ot should I say the lie. I am not sure how my own family dyfunction measures up on their own,but matters would have been far easier and more relaxed without that God dam bullshit. Here I go ranting again, But I will place blame squarely on the shoulders of where it belongs. A percentage of it goes to my father,and the rest goes to the organizational cult.

    If we do not determine where the blame lies, how can we even perceive there was a problem to begin with? How can we find the answers that will determine our happiness?

    Growing up in this never ending cycle of repitition and family values that constantly whisper in your ear that your not good enough, and you're not allowed, and you will be destroyed, requires a strong, vigilant forceful and neverending reply!

    Perhaps you have found a modicom of sucess, because you have been released, or have found strength from other sources, but do not minimize or talk like the witnesses should not be blamed and we are in charge of our destinties.

    The organization has usurped family authority, has twisted values , and, has morphed their image, into peace lovers, and fill the minds of their young with visions of destruction and doom to be in a world in which they cannot be present.

    Do not even dare,to minimze, the scale and profoundity of the impact of this life altering corporation bent on making pawns of those gullible enough to throw away their own independant thinking and raise their families with the pronouncements and judiciary decisions befitting that of only Gods.

  • The-Borg
    The-Borg

    You are right of course. But people do need to go through these stages of fear, anger and grief before they can release themselves from th grip of th Watchtower. Spending the rest of your life obsessing about the Borg is not healthy and a person should move on at some stage.

  • parakeet
    parakeet

    wanderlustguy wrote: "Dad: That’s your problem, not mine. If you aren’t happy and you keep on doing the same thing, how is it my fault? Do whatever, don’t speak to me, hate me, whatever, but if you aren’t happy and you are healthy and can do something about it, don’t let me get in your way. Forget me and go be happy. If you know what’s wrong, then fix it. ......... Son: (nothing) ........ He told me that after he was done being mad, he realized his father was right. Since he KNEW what was bothering him, he had the responsibility to either make changes or shut up about it, because his life is in his own hands now."





    Your premise is simplistic. Depending on the child's personality and the type and extent of the abuse, some children will have scars, physical and emotional, for the rest of their lives. In the case of JWs, children are deprived of the ability to think independently, of normal childhood activities, of their innocence by constantly being told they're sinful, and in some cases, they are deprived of their very lives because of the WTS blood "policy." Do you really think JW parents of adult children bear no responsibility for the difficulties in their adult children's lives that were caused in childhood by the parents?

    I was relatively lucky. I wasn't born in the "truth," but I was young enough to be damaged by it when my parents joined the cult in my early teens. I was lucky enough to get out as a young adult, marry a nonJW, and get a college education. So many adult exJWs leave the JWs too late for college, a career, and often have families still in the WTS to deal with. Read some of the accounts on this forum. I wouldn't treat a dog the way some of these brave people have been treated by their "loving" parents.

    The "Dad" in your example wants his abuse swept under the rug so he won't have to acknowledge his part in his son's problems. A father that truly loves his adult children would try to help them, not tell them to stop bothering him with "their" problems. That father is still abusing his son, whether you want to call it that or not.

    And yes, I do blame the "Truth."

  • fresia
    fresia

    letting go of the org and letting go of Jehovah are different, the GB replaced Jesus and therefore denied Jehovah. ( he who denies the son denies God also) the creator (Yahweh or Jehovah) is not the org never has been.

    those that put to much faith in the organization are hardest hit, only faith in Jesus and Jehovah is where happiness lies, if one can seperate that then I think the leaving is easier.

    Jehovah does not equal the GB or WTS.

  • streets76
    streets76

    It's probably been said before: You can take the boy out of the borg, but you can't take the borg out of the boy.

  • shopaholic
    shopaholic

    wanderlustguy,

    You're right...at some point a person has to move on. John Doe has responded similarly to various threads. I applaud everyone that reaches that point but some of us need a little more time than others to reach the 5th stage of acceptance. I would like to think that I'm almost there as it seems that I'm finally moving out of the depression stage. But thank you for your post as it reminds me that although the tears and peanut buttercup ice cream may be temporarily theraputic, its not the solution.

  • wanderlustguy
    wanderlustguy

    The point isn't to stop being mad or forget the things that still happen, or even to stop being active working to help others. The point is to not forget to work just as hard at our own lives and pursue happiness for ourselves.

    It's a tough balance to achieve, and I definitely don't have any answers about how to do it. I just keep trying, and this story kind of gave me a new perspective.

    Looking back, it was definitely necessary to get angry, and it was also productive.

    WLG

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