by reneeisorym 20 Replies latest jw friends
I really feel for you. I can't tell you how to react, because many people would consider my reactions a bit on the extreme side. I've had people f*ck with my emotions for the better part of my life, and I'm a little tired of being yo-yo'd around. If someone tells me "goodbye" then that's exactly what it is - for all time. They may make such a decision, but for my own long term peace of mind, I hold them to it.
W
Sorry, Renee. She has put you on quite the crazy, roller-coaster ride. I agree with Mrs. Jones and Scully.
"COME BACK TO US!"
Translation:
"COME BACK TO BEING A MEMBER OF THE ORGANIZATION."
You know Renee there is no need to split up your family over an apparent disagreement over religious beliefs, half of my family are not JWS and even though we
were all brought up in it from childhood, we function fine as a family, perhaps not the model of closeness but nevertheless were there to help one and another out.
This indifference in ideologies should not destroy a loving and caring relationship with your parents, it is simply not necessary and hurts unintentionally both parties.
Maybe it's the expressed notion by your mother that if your not going to take part of the family religion that the family can no longer exist, that is simply not the case.
Maybe you should express your love for your mother along with some respect for her recent decision and see what comes of it ......good luck
It's funny how my JW relatives will socialize and even vacation with other relatives who have never expressed an interest in joining the JWs, and have made it clear that they want nothing to do with the JWs. These are people who smoke, drink, have had live in partners without being married, gotten divorced, etc etc. They celebrate all the holidays and birthdays. Compared to the non-JW relatives, my life is extremely tame; there's no divorce, or fornicating that I'm aware of, or drinking, or smoking. And yet I'm the one who gets shunned, because I no longer follow the belief system that I had imposed on me as a child.
I guess I should be grateful that I'm being true to myself and not being a complete hypocrite.
Mom is not on drugs or alcohol... She just graduated from Watchtower University .. Mom wanted kids and to pioneer so she didn't think it was important to try in school. Besides . . She graduated in 1979 so there wasn't much point since the end was going to be in 9th grade .....
She needs mental help for sure. She stays on anti-depresants. I have always believed that a great deal of her problem has to do with her being in a cult but that's not all of it. She will not agree to see a therapist. My therapist thinks she's codependant and is struggling with the idea of having to depend on herself.
When I talk to her and we have fun, she sees that life isn't so bad away from the WT. She's taking two steps forward and one step back -- but at least she's getting somewhere. And to be honest, it causes me more mental anguish to put her out of my life than it would to deal with her crap. I just have to be careful not to feed her and encourage her behavior. I have explained to her that she hurts me when she does these things but I do not flame the fire by giving her too much attention when she does it.
I have been working on accepting her for who she is. I am trying to realize that she is never going to be a mentor to me. Mom is only capable of being the person she is and I can't change her and I can't expect her to change. The WT had us believing that there was a certain mold we had to fit and we should expect others to fit it as well. Part of my growth and recovery has been learning that there shouldn't be a mold and how to accept people for who they are. I'm working on it ....
Thanks for all of your support. You guys give me a lot to think about and have influenced my decisions more than you know. Thanks
Renee
I told you that her sticking witht he JW crap wouldn't take..... Give it time my sister.
Whatever her intention, she is jerking you around. You might have to draw a line for your own sanity. I like Scully's letter. Mine would be shorter - "OK mom, you want to be a JW and that means shunning me. I'm blocking your email address so I don't have to listen to this anymore."
What a terrible organization to mess with the fabric of peoples families.
I am trying to realize that she is never going to be a mentor to me. Mom is only capable of being the person she is and I can't change her and I can't expect her to change.
You know what? That is the best attitude to take. Every time you get upset and try to explain things to her, it just makes the situation worse for you.
Just saying, "O.K., mom, whatever you think is best...I love you," is going to cause you the least turmoil. Next week she obviously will feel differently.
She is stuck between a rock and a hard place. On one hand, there is her husband, and on the other hand, you.
Inner turmoil, for sure.....
Hope you can just concentrate on your new marriage and all the adjustments that come with it.
