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by compound complex 30 Replies latest jw friends

compound complex

Dear Ladies,
What enlightening comments! There's a hilarious account about fruitcake - either by Erma Bombeck or Betty MacDonald - that I must find and share. I've enjoyed all your posts here and there, even if a few were ever so slightly off-topic! I've digressed on occasion, hijacking a thread and holding it for ransom. And Merfi's first response to one of my threads! Glad to meet you, Merfi.
I had no idea there'd be replies to all my random but well-thought-out [yeah, right!] "ON" topics.
Thanks again so much! I'm getting on with life despite 7 years [not 7 months] a monk.
Love,
CoCo
avidbiblereader

Great thread and just writing honestly what I see and think, not saying I am right, just my perspective.
On Being Discarded by the Love of Your Life
Pain is never enjoyable, but can yeild rather benefical results that can never be learned otherwise, I think of Christ when it was said about him, he was "perfected" by what he suffered, if you were discarded by the love of your life, was it your life or hers, could it be that the real love of "Your" life still awaits you?
On Getting on With Your Life
No one can do it for you, you wont go far in a car by looking at the rear view mirror, senseless carrying around things of the past that others who even may have caused the hurt have most likely forgot,
On Going Downhill (physically, emotionally, or while taking a walk)
No one can stop time, however each and everyone of us can find that we are in better shape than many, only a few and even on this board that we know about have it worst than us. Physically going down hill is inevitable, we can work out, which I do and can have a much better quality of life than if I didnt, emotionally going down hill can and should be stopped, misery loves company, mentally fight the depression, mentally find the positve, mentally take control and realize this is all temporary. Downhill walks are good, they build certain muscle but just like the salmon are reward is when we go up hill, going downhill "all" the time will only put you at the bottom and looking up at unbearable hill that you will not climb out of.
On Dieting
Plenty written on it, find the right one for you, adjust your thinking on food, do what is right for you and especially as we grow older but also enjoy life and the food with its varieties.
On Being a Princess
It is alright to treat your loved ones as princesses/prince, but realistically NO ONE is really that important or special, we are all the same, sinful dying people in need of Christ ransom and God's mercy. As Paul said it best, think enough of yourself but not too much, a good balance to stave of depression but not arrogant to a degree where we are pitiful to others, both God and men.
On Celibacy
Don't want to be, experienced 6-8 month periods during my first (witness) marriage, but I can think of plenty of worst things to suffer than going around and being horny. Better to be horny than displeasing to God and have a bad reputation with both God and men/women whether we are male or female.
On Not Sweating the Small Stuff
Usually only comes with age. Everything is irrelevant if you dont have your health, your kids safe and secure, God's approval, Oh, if we could only start life with the wisdom we have gathered, but then again we would not look back and cherish all the good things that we have or had.
On True Friends Whom You May Never Meet in Person
As the Bible says, one sticking closer than a brother, family doesn't always have to have the same DNA running through our vains, still plenty of good people out there, as Ben Franklin said "I dont like that man, I think I will get to know him", you can not have true friends if you are not one.
On ... (other topic)
We are all on certain subjects, but our lack of understanding and knowledge, we are usually off more than on, better to listen and speak a little, learning is usually done while listening not talking.
On Quality of JWD Posts
It is ok to be funny and have a sense of humor, but if we are not going to give some thing of quality, than why give at all, kind of like eating fast food all the time, many of the subjects here deserve better quality. If our quality is not there in the post, perhaps we need to take that walk and ponder, look in the mirror, if this is what we have to offer at our ages, WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED? Only we can answer that.
On Quantity of JWD Posts
Does it really matter? Who are we trying to impress? Are we still looking for acceptance since our departure from the org? Still looking vindication and praise from others? Do we have a life? Better to give a few quality then many many senseless posts that are no more than an impressive JWD Field Service Report,
Respectfully and honestly, abr
compound complex

Good morning, abr:
While you stated that your comments were only your perspective - right or wrong - they nevertheless are right on the mark. An easy to remember point you made is that going downhill "all" the time will only put you at the bottom. When I take a break shortly from JWD I'm going for a walk - uphill!
I've learned to be OK about singleness for seven years now. Just being spotted with a female in this community with a huge JW population is risky. Meeting a lady friend at a public function is the simplest way to have a little innocuous companionship. Going to a restaurant with a lady among eating-out-all-the-time Witnesses is not so easy. I'm hoping someday to no longer have to look over my shoulder. It's not like I have something to hide ... it's simply the micromanagement of one's life by a judgmental religious community that's the problem. My friends and family have stood by me through so much that I don't want to cause them further problems. Sometimes I get very irritated by the restrictions and confines of what the Watch Tower calls an unscriptural divorce ... sorry for digressing....
Thank you so much for your reply, avid. Your thoughts and those of my other friends will give me much to ponder in the days ahead.
Gratefully,
CoCo
avidbiblereader

they nevertheless are right on the mark.
Thank you CoCo, as your reply is focused on "one" basic thought of your thread, it reminds me of Christ's words "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks"
I think one of your toughess things you must be going through is celibacy and lonliness and how could the love of your life leave you? Maybe I am off key here.
You have some very difficult descisions, how long can I go like this and should I move on, no matter what the consequences, or do I keep holding on to an "illusive" dream?
No one can tell another what choice to make, I pray and hope that not only will I never be in your shoes, but that you find peace with it my friend. As the Bible says, 1 John 3:20 20 Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything.
When my ex left me, I felt a wave of emotions that were all bad, I did move on and was judge adversely from the org and congregations, I chose to put my faith and life in the hands of the One who knew and knows all things.
My heart no longer feels guilty but rather a peace that I never had before, for that I thank and praise God,
abr
compound complex

Not off-key at all, avid. I'm alone but no longer lonely [I even did a thread on that theme some time ago]. There are so many people in my life that I'm really doing quite all right. Since JWs are still so much a part of what I do - professionally and socially (to a lesser extent) - I keep in mind Christ's words about the caution of a serpent and the innocence of a dove. I still have "work" to do among those in the JW community whom I love and care about. Most importantly, I would imagine, is the fact that I am no longer in turmoil emotionally or spiritually.
By the way, I forgot to thank you earlier that I do appreciate your references to Christian thought and belief and how they bolster my faith. The WT's cumulative faith-destroying tactics and deceitful modus operandi shouldn't divert us from our spiritual goals, but it certainly has come close to doing just that for so many of us.
Thanks again, friend ...
CoCo
avidbiblereader

Since JWs are still so much a part of what I do - professionally and socially (to a lesser extent) - I keep in mind Christ's words about the caution of a serpent and the innocence of a dove. I still have "work" to do among those in the JW community whom I love and care about.
Each and everyone has different circumstances and no one should ever judge another why or why not for doing anything unless they have walked EVERY mile in his shoes. I understand, I too use to work for witness and took the leap of faith, it was right for me but maybe not for you, I understand. But a key comment that you made is highlighted above, your actions are based on being selfless not selfish. As Spock said in The wrath of Kahn
"The sacrifice of one, always out weights the sacrifive of many"
Continue in your sacrifice, I am sure there is a large reward for you one day.
your friend, abr
Fleur

On Being Discarded by the Love of Your Life:
The real love of your life will not discard you. Everyone else, is just a wanna-be.
On Getting on With Your Life
One foot in front of the other. Try to focus, in a positive way, (not getting enmeshed in other people's drama) on the needs of others by finding a volunteer cause that speaks to you- and then devote time to it. Giving to others helps keep people from getting too self-centered because there is always someone who is having a rougher time than you are.
On Going Downhill (physically, emotionally, or while taking a walk)
Physically- happens to he best of us. If anyone has any tips for living with chronic pain- and I don't mean medications- I'd love to hear them. The doctors are out of stuff to try on me, so I'm white-knuckling it on acetomenophen and music. Lots and lots of music. But it's gaining on me :/
Emotionally: We all ride a rollercoaster we've been strapped into thanks to the JW past we share in common. The key is to get through the bad days- so you can really enjoy the good ones when they happen.
While taking a walk- just be sure whoever walked their dog before you didn't leave anything behind to get on your shoes LOL.
On Dieting-- if you can't lose weight no matter what you try- it might be your medications if you take any don't beat yourself up over it. I've lost a ton in the past year after discontinuing meds I was not even supposed to be taking with my conditions. It's not always food.
That being said, you have to eat. Try to slow down and actually taste what you do eat- and then realize that your worth as a human is not determined by the number on the scale.
On Being a Princess-- I've been treated like one- at times. It makes me nervous, because it's a long way to fall. But I'd rather be treated like a best friend- the one that another simply cannot do without- instead of being up on a pedestal. Because the expectations of others can be very hard to live up to if they see you as a Princess.
On Celibacy
-----Ugh. I prefer the word 'celebrate' to 'celebate'. LOL Seriously though, Dr. Phil says and I agree that it's better to be 'healthy alone than sick with someone else'. I have thought long and hard about my life- and it puzzles me when people are so desperate to be with anyone so theyr'e not alone that they will, literally, be with anyone they can find.
I'd rather be by myself than with the wrong person. I've been with the wrong person before- and the hours pass so much more slowly than when I was on my own. I'm not afraid of my own company- I in fact, enjoy my solitude and have to have a certain amount of it even if only late at night when everyone else is asleep- to keep my balance.
On Not Sweating the Small Stuff
---The big stuff is sometimes made up of small stuff that you could stop if you pay attention. Sometimes, small things are a warning. But if you're just obsessing on tiny things that you can't change, then get busy helping other people. Volunteering also helps with this as well.
On True Friends Whom You May Never Meet in Person
----I am fine with this. I have gotten more strength and help to get through hard times in the past decade from friends I have never been in the same room with than with those who claimed they'd be there in 'real life' so to speak and bail at the first sign of any thing in your life going wrong, or not being 'fun' enough for them. A friend is what they prove themselves to be- not defined by their geographical location.
On ... (other topic)
On- music. I just don't know how I'd live without it.
On Quality of JWD Posts: There is a lot of value here- if you can just find it.

On Quantity of JWD Posts: Like any forum that is hugely busy- you have to look really hard to find what you're after. But you can find it, if you try.
On: Coco :) Thank you for this great thread- you're a gem
hugs
essie
compound complex

Dear Fleur,
How beautifully expressed!
I hope you get past these "white-knuckle" episodes and find a pain-management solution. Chronic pain is fought all too often with medication. There's gotta be an alternative - here's hoping the best for you ...
The drama of other people's lives. Been there. I used to react to their trials and tribulations by deep, emotional involvement, which I formerly thought was a strong evidence of love and concern. Upon personal growth and learning the need for detachment and objectivity, I realized that I could still show love and concern but give more practical help by avoiding getting on their personal "rollercoaster." Live and learn.
Thank you again for you helpful and insightful comments,
CoCo
compound complex

It would appear that, 8 years later, many of us have gotten on with our lives . . .
bsmart

So CoCo,
How is the rest of your life?

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