The psychological effects of faking dubism

by LtCmd.Lore 28 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Anti-Christ

  Don't worry once you are out you can fix the damage this cult did. I think you should look on the good side, you would make a good undercover cop. Seriously, it does change us and makes us a little different then most people but you can still function "normally" and be happy.
• 

  eclipse

  That must be so taxing mentally....you are very resourceful and resilient.

  You are much stronger than I, since I couldn't do it...I had to walk away.

  I know you don't have the freedom to just do that....you must pretend so as to stay under the raidar.

  Especially if they are the hounding type of BOE.

  Once you get into Uni (you are going, right??), you are free.

  They can't keep tas close of an eye on you, especially if you go to a University / College that is not local.
• 

  truthsearcher

  the lamb weeping in the corner from many tragedies never acknowledged, was not a concern.

  Mono: that is a heartbreaking analogy

  I have to say, I do worry about the harm that comes to you guys that are living a double life, and the long term affects this will have on you down the road...
• 

  Gill

  LtCom.Lore - If you feel in control of the situation then perhaps the long term effects will be minimal! I hope so! But you have to jump ship as soon as the life boat is ready to launch. Don't stay in there for too long!

  ((((((( Monophonic ))))))) Sorry they treated you so bad! People only equate abuse with bruises and physical pain and forget the bruises they can't see that are just as serious! I'm afraid JWs are an emotionally abusive organization which is why so many find it so difficult to leave. Having your brain in chains is no different to having you body in chains!
• 

  oompa

  To say you will be come more cynical is an understatement. At what point does living lie become confused with your reality? Essentially you are living a double life, and I did that a LOOOONG time without even being fully awakened, just a doubter. You are so lucky to have figured this out in your teens, because once your hormones take over, and all you see around you are plenty of horny little virgins (mostly), you then find yourself sunk into the mire even deeper.......I would figure how to get the hell out so you can find someone who you can have a normal relationship with.............oompa

  BTW...your profile states you are an atheist, but your description of if make you an agnostic....you may want to change that....I am one too right now
• 

  sweetstuff

  The upside, you have learned at a very young age to use your brain, to critically think for yourself. The downside, you have learned that those you should be able to trust and rely on, you cannot. I think the psychological effects undoubtly have both positive and negative aspects.

  The real task will be learning to re-adapt your life once you have made a clear cut, forging new relationships from scratch, working on not having a complete lack of trust in individuals that you do meet. Many before you, myself included have done so at a much later age in life successfully for the most part. Your youth is your greatest asset right now.

  You have an opportunity to walk away at a relatively young age and forge a successful life for yourself. It does get harder with age I believe, to forge new friendships etc. Most people in their late twenties, thirties and forties have well developed long term relationships in their lives. You have the advantage really, that in Uni or College you can begin to develop friendships that will see you well into those years.

  The effects are individual of course, faking it is never easy. However, I think you have learned a skill set that will do you well in life. Provided you don't allow it to become the standard by which you judge all future relationships in your life. Being cautious is a good thing, lieing and guarding your emotions can be an evil in and of itself when you are trying forge those new relationships. I would suggest, once you have left, and the door is closed, that you work on expressing your emotions openly. You have been introverted to the extreme due to your circumstances, try to work on becoming more extroverted once your freedom allows you that choice.

  You have alot of wonderful things to look forward to, one of the best being friends who will truly value your opinions, who you can speak openly and honestly with, never worrying if it will cause you to be "shunned". I think the trick is learning to open that valve again after its been shut tightly for so long.
• 

  jgnat

  Even though I'm not a JW, I recognize a few things in myself. I, also:

  I've learned to hold my tongue, no matter how obsurd or offensive a remark is, I have to ignore it and even smile...

  I've learned to detect bullcrap, every single Watchtower study and every single meeting has a whole PILE of errors, lies, duperies, and half-truths in it.

  How JWD has changed me is that I can't get through ANY meeting - whether it is at church or on the job, without my bullcrap meter going off. I won't hold a thought that is based on sloppy reasoning or manipulative language.

  I worry for you exiting JW's and the absence of an intimate social network. When the days get rough and lonely, the internet can be a lonely place to hang.
• 

  lv4fer

  Wow....You are so young and yet have become quite wise. The world you are living in is a very small one at this time. When you are totally out the world is a lot larger. The need to lie will no longer be there. I think you will feel quite liberated when you are out and the need to lie will be gone. You will feel an unbelievable sense of peace when you can truly speak your mind without having to lie. I'm proud of you because you have the ability to think critically.
• 

  oompa

  JGNAT: How JWD has changed me is that I can't get through ANY meeting - whether it is at church or on the job, without my bullcrap meter going off.

  Likewise JG. And it pissed me off so much that I went to the library in the rear about every twenty minutes to look up conflicting BS! The elders, during my inintentional fade actually told me "the brother have noticed you are back there a lot, it's disturbing some," I asked them what the library was for, as I have often see other go in to look something up. Nothing. I went back even more after that. We had glass windows to see the main auditorium and I would have the computer on, and books all over the JC table!!!.............oompa....I kept waiting for them to lock the door during the meetings
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  So what do you think the effects are, either good or bad, for someone to live a lie for months or even years?

  Some young people amaze me. You don't want to leave dubbism because you want sex or
  want to live a "worldly" life. You actually figured out the lies and falicies. Great for you.

  I think the effects are bad for your personality and mental health, but so is being a dub.
  A psychologist/psychiatrist would tell you how you are being dishonest with yourself.
  You have your reasons, as faders and other fake JW have them.

  Make sure you have an exit strategy in place. Whatever you need to do to get out, keep
  working toward it.