I thought this was cute:
DOG DIARY:
8:00 am- Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am- A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am- A walk iun the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am- Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm- Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm- Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favoirtie thing!
7:00 pm- Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm- Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm- Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
CAT DIARY:
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dried nuggets.
although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear,
I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
i had hoped this would strike fear in their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of.
However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am...
Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight.
I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.
I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of " allergies".
I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in the attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking.
I must try this again tomorrow- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog recieves special privileges.
He is regularly released- and seems to be more than willing to return.
He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant.
I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move.
My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
... for now