God parent dilema.

BrentR

Since my entire family are JW's and my wife's family are all chain smoking, heavy drinking white trash we had to go outside our families to find a god parent for our daughter. Right after our daughter was born we asked some very good friends of ours if they would want to be and they agreed. Just a few weeks ago we found they have become deeply involved in a fundamentalist christian church. We do not want our daughter to be raised in any religion and certainly not the one her godparents are now involved in.

So now we have the dilema of trying to find god parents for her and are drawing a blank. Since most of us here have JW families I am sure this is a problem for many of us. I am curious to hear about your situation and how/who you selected as god parents for your kids.

nicolaou

We do not want our daughter to be raised in any religion

So why do you want godparents at all?

BrentR

If my wife and I both die we want someone to raise her and not have the state put her in a foster home. I am not sure what the term is in the UK for god parent but it has nothing to do with religion. It is about selecting a family that will do the best job of raising your child if it's parents both die.

megsmomma

It depends on what you mean by God-parent. For Megan, we have selected people who we feel will always be there to take an interest in her and have a special relationship with her. We chose my husbands best friend who is like a father to him, and my aunt, who sort-of replaces my JW mother. But, if we were to die, we would want his parents to take Megan...and the God-parents to still have an active part in her life.

If you are trying to figure out who would be the babies guardian in the case of you two (God-forbid) dying...that is a whole other matter, and one you would have to legally choose and have in writing, otherwise it would likely be a grandparent.

BrentR

In my neck of the woods guardian and godparent are Synonymous. So to clarify it would be gaurdian. We arranged this with an attorney but now we have to start the whole process over again.

The religion out friends are involved with is quite similar to JW's in multiple church meetings each week and the isolationist attitudes. It's not what I call a healthy environment.

megsmomma

I'll take her Brent!! I know what you're going through. It breaks my heart to think Megan would be with just Tom's side of the family, and because my family lives all over the place...I doubt she would really know anyone who really knows me. I would choose my sister, but, she has 3 kids and her husband doesn't work, and she lets my JW mom take the kids to meetings. My g-parents are too old, and my other siblings are too young. My husbands parents are real nice, but, they won't raise her like we would.....they are our only option though.

I guess I just have to make sure we don't die!!

BrentR

It's a scary and frustrating process that all parents have to deal with but with most of us here have JW family and it gets even more complicated. The foster care system in WA is a disaster and we do not want our daughter to even have the slightest chance to become involved in it. Her and her two brothers and sister were in it and some very bad things happened.

I also know several parents that have never even given it any thought.

JWdaughter

Brent, I know why you are concerned in this state. I am in WA also. Yikes. I have one adult child and one near adulthood. I also have a 7 year old. I don't know anyone perfect, but I picked my little sister. She understands how I feel about religion and she has similar aversions:) Her husband is cool and they are raising their own kids beautifully (I could give you her name:)) It isn't easy for anyone to take on another child(ren), but children are wonderful little people and they all deserve love. I can't understand why the foster care system can't work better, it seems that there is a lot of love. It seems so difficult and restrictive on the one hand to do it, yet on the other hand it seems like they let lunatics have guardianship of innocents! It's nuts.

You might want to make it very clear in your guardianship assignment WHY you are not choosing family, so if they contest the guardianship that the judge will understand why you make the choices that you do. Perhaps one of you work with someone who is appropriate and that cares for your child? Some other friend or distant relative that you think might work but you would need to know better? If nothing else, it might be a good nudge to get your circle of friends a little deeper. You may have wonderful neighbors. Who knows?? I wish you well, I know there are many people who steer clear of churches that are warm and loving people and who would welcome a child into their family circle if necessary due to such unforseen circumstances. In the meantime, see your doc for regular checkups and screenings so nothing sneaks up on you.

Best to you!

Shelly

snowbird

Bttt for our friend, Brent.

I don't have any answers or suggestions because here in the South, everybody is considered family.

Sylvia

Maddie

I had Godparents, but they never did anything for me or my brother when we were orphaned as kids.

Maddie

God parent dilema.

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