Dating a df girl who wants to go back - Do I have a chance?

by mrburns 17 Replies latest social relationships

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  mrburns

  Having read some of the previous posts, I'm pretty sure what the majority answer will be. My situation is similar. We met a little over a year ago, she got DF over her relationship with me, something that put her in a pretty long depression that she gradually grew out of (with some notable setbacks along the way). Recently, despite some great times, she's talking heavily about going back, which at this point hurts a great deal. I feel like I let her down in pulling her into the so called "worldly" existence.

  I'm quite sure I want nothing to do with the JW life, but after a year together I don't know what to do that can pull her out. Is there any chance, or am I just dragging a rather painful process out for both of us?
• 

  penny2

  When someone is disfellowshipped, they can no longer associate with their JW family. This is a pretty awful thing to do to a young person and a very successful tactic for keeping people trapped in the cult.

  Sometimes a DF'd JW goes back only so that they can talk to their family again. If this is the case with her, there may be hope for your relationship.

  If she firmly believes that JWs are the "true religion" and she is feeling a lot of guilt over "sins" committed with you, there probably is not much hope for your relationship.

  You can't pull her out - she has to work it out for herself. The best advice I can give is to encourage her to seek counselling.
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  AWAKE&WATCHING

  Get her on the internet, counseling may help as well.
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  mrburns

  Fortunately for her, much of her immediate family has been DF as well, so she doesn't have to miss all of them. When you say get her on the internet, you mean just referencing all of the sites about JW hisotry and such. I mentioned them a few times and she really tightens up and goes on a big thing about apostates etc. I'll likely only get one shot, so can you reference one or two really specific items to bring to her attention?
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  Gayle

  I don't think anyone can "talk" anyone out of JWdom. The individual has to be willing to open their mind and honest heart. Maybe you could check on: freeminds.org to get some ideas or possibly some literature for at least you to read. Ask her why she left it before, and why she wants to go back.
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  lesterd

  Her "love" of the org was not strong enough to keep her in, when she met you, what makes her think that its any stronger now? Strong eoungh to break off a loving relationship with you? And if she goes back then the "borg love" will be tested again with shunning her df'd family. The two of you need to "be" your own religion.
• 

  solidergirl

  You do have a chance. Don't fight it let her do what she wants to do. She already feel guilty for leaveing and adding more guilt to that is just too much to bare. Constantly remind her of your love and do research on how to break from a cult on your own and try to apply some of the their suggestions on her. Always let her know that its her life not her parents, friends and some organization.
• 

  Warlock

  At this point, it looks like you better decide what YOU are going to do.

  Warlock
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  Sirona

  The way to help her exit is to find out her general attitude to the JWs..... I mean, does she think its the one true religion? It sounds like she is still really indoctrinated because she tightens up at the mention of information which challenges the JWs.

  If you find out her views by maybe asking her to tell you about the faith, you can then know much more about challenging it.

  Be totally honest with her that you have read about the religion online. Then, tell her that you'd like to know, from her, her opinion on the religion. You want to know both sides of the story.

  The JWs printed something (you'll find the exact reference on www.freeminds.org I think) which said that any religion should stand up to ANY scrutiny if it is truth. Use this and say that if it is the truth it will stand up to any scrutiny.

  Then pick a couple of BIG things which are undeniable about the faith. There is lots of info out there.

  Good luck

  Sirona
• 

  Aleman

  If the truth is in her Heart you can't and will not get her ideas changed. You sometimes have to compromise if this is what you want. Or you could leave her and when she comes back....

  -Aleman