Reflections on suicidal thoughts, JWism and running away from your problems

by neverendingjourney 12 Replies latest jw experiences

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  OnTheWayOut

  I’ve been giving some thought to a topic that Onthewayout posted recently where he talked about how he had been able to realize that he joined the JW religion in an effort to run away from his problems.

  The JWs gave him hope that Armageddon would soon come and wipe away all of his troubles. Instead of facing his problems head on, he adopted the JW wait-on-Armageddon mindset. To be sure, his problems were put on hold for a while, but they apparently came back once he realized that the JW hope was nothing but an illusion.

  That is a nice summary of my story. I would only clarify that I needed Armageddon to come soon.
  I thought it would be within 10 years of my baptism in the late 80's- as that was still the basic
  doctrine- before the 1914 generation passes. When the doctrine changed in 1995, it messed up
  my cult programming.

  If I have made an impression on a never ending journey for someone else, then I have done something
  positive here on JWD. While I knew my posts would have some effects on the readers, I have always
  strived to use JWD for my own selfish reasons. I needed to vent and I needed someone to understand
  me. I have managed to do those both.

  I embark on the next leg of my never ending journey also. But that's for one of my own threads.

  NEJ, I am glad to hear you are getting out there in the dating game. Stay busy, enjoy life. I intend to.
  You said about God (the invisible man in the sky): "...he should certainly understand that it is impossible
  for me to search through the tens of thousands of religions that exist today to find him." We sound like
  we could be on similar paths. I lean toward disbelief in God, but I don't swear by it. Afterall, I was taken
  by a mind-control cult, so what do I know is the truth? You said: "Certainly he [God] should understand my
  reluctance to continue the search. I’ve come to realize that the quicker I understand that there is no God out
  there for me to find, the quicker I can get on with the task of enjoying the life I have ahead of me."

  My way of phrasing that is this: I thought I had a divine purpose, I though I was doing God's will when I served
  the WT organization. I won't make that mistake again. If God has a Will for me to do, He will have to
  personally tell me what it is. Otherwise, how can he fault me for doing good in my life and not getting fooled
  by religion ever again?

  A poster had a great link to a youtube video from SOUTHPARK. A bunch of people showed up in Hell. Some
  asked how they could be there. One said he was a devout Protestant, another said he was a devout JW.
  The guy answering questions said they picked the wrong religion. When asked what the right religion was, he
  said it turns out that the Mormons had the right religion. It made it look like such a crapshoot. If God sent his
  word through some flimflam man, be it Joseph Smith or C. T. Russell and J. F. Rutherford, how could the majority
  of Mankind know that?

  Now you have intrigued me. I will have to look back on your threads, probably next week I will do that. You could
  save me some time- What's the situation for your family today? I like to know that about posters instead of just
  posting without any knowledge of them.

  Thanks for following my stories. Thanks for sharing yours.
• 

  neverendingjourney

  What's the situation for your family today? I like to know that about posters instead of just
  posting without any knowledge of them.

  All of my immediate family is still in. None of my extended family has ever been involved with the religion. As I described above, my parents have never really been actively involved in the congregation. They’re simple people who need simple answers to life’s great questions. Those questions got answered in a satisfactory way for them by the JW religions decades ago, and they have no plans to ever leave. I don’t expect that they ever will. They’ve pretty much done their own thing their entire lives, but they adhere to the major tenets of the JW faith. I think their major fear was that I’d turn into a complete ravenous, out-of-control lunatic if I ever left the religion. I’ve been inactive for a long time now, and they’ve been able to see that quite the opposite has happened. They see that I lead a successful, honest life away from the religion, and that’s the most important thing to them, I think. My siblings and their spouses are still in, but they are much less zealous about the religion than they used to be. It saddens me to see my nieces and nephews being brought up in the religion, but it’s their life and those are their children.
  
  There’s essentially a de facto don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy in place between my family and me. They don’t ask me about meeting attendance or other JW-related issues, and I don’t volunteer any information. I am rapidly approaching the point where I will take my life in a direction that will clearly reflect that I no longer adhere to the JW faith (whether it be a “worldly” girlfriend, holiday celebrations, involvement in politics, or something similar), but I’ll have to cross that bridge when I get there. I wonder what my family will do when that point in time comes. I doubt that any of my family members will shun me, but my siblings’ spouses may, and I don’t look forward to being cut out of family gatherings. I feel like at least one of my brother’s realizes that the religion is a farce, but he’s really knee-deep in it. His wife pretty much married him because of his position in the religion. If he was to leave, he’d lose his wife and kids, I’m pretty sure.
  
  No doubt I still have a long and complex road to travel, but I will travel down that road knowing full well that I’m being guided by logic and reality, not illusions and false promises.
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  OnTheWayOut

  That all sounds like a very successful fade to me. I think it could continue as long as
  you are not "in their face" with your progression away from the religion.

  You have to choose your path, but it seems like many JW's who don't get over-righteous
  will retaincontact with a fader that doesn't put Christmas or Halloween decorations up for
  all to see, but might go to worldly events. They won't often shun a voter as long as he's not
  the office-holder, and sometimes will even not shun the office-holder. Most families can
  overlook the "worldly" girlfriend as it is not a DF offense as long as you don't tell them
  about living together or discuss your sexual relationship. They can look past the gorilla in
  the room. Until you are married, you simply avoid trying to stay at the home of family
  members while visiting with your girlfriend, but opt for a hotel (or play the game of staying
  in separate rooms at their home).

  Sibling's spouses can be tough, along with nieces and nephews. I don't have such a
  situation. Heck, you know all this stuff. I just write it as a way of being hopeful with
  my own situation. Thanks for answering.