When Your Parent Died (page 2)

dogisgod

My dad died some years back and it was sudden. He was my buddy. He was in a dream the other night and his voice was so vivid that when I woke up I actually thought I had heard him. You forget things like their voice.My mom is fading now but still clinging to "the truth". I tried to reconnect with real family after a lifetime of no celebrations but the only one who had an open door was my Aunt in California and she just had a stroke. Part of you dies with them but part of them lives on in you in many ways.

buffalosrfree

Only a very small minisule part., i didn't have a happy childhood growing up and my parents had absolutely no respect for us, We were abused verbally, physically and emotionally, and her passing if it affected me, it was only a wee wee bit. In fact my spouse was shocked at my response when she told me, my sister had called and told her. I just looked at her and said okay thanks for the info. I thought about her passing away for a few minutes then went on with my life. I didn't even go to the funeral or send flowers or anything else. My children we definitely shocked at Grandma's passing, and even more so with my response or lack of to it.

Snoozy

Oh yes!

I used to call my Mom and Dad every Sunday..I still feel like I am forgeting something every Sunday. They died in 1987 and 1988..funny how things stay with you.

But the hardest for me was when my hubby of 47 years died...half of my heart died when he did.

I want to tell them to come back..I wasn't finished with them yet..............

One of the posters said they heard their Dad's voice..after my parents died I still felt their presence for almost two years...don't know why.

When hubby died I would cry and beg him to come back..I would dream he was alive..it was all a mistake, then I would dream he was really dead.....then one night I had such a vivid dream..hubby was laying next to me in bed and hugging me...he said "I have to go now"...I said "I know"..and I never had another dream about him after that.

Life is strange..one minute you are here and then..........................

Snoozy..

ferret

I have mixed feelings about my parents (dad 1988 78 yrs) (mother 2000 86 yrs) they both died shunning me and it makes closure very hard. I attended my father's funeral but was not present for my mother's. Seeing non of my JW siblings had their graves marked in any way I recently placed grave stones on their graves. This brought about a little closure for me.

Merry Magdalene

No. Seems strange to say, but it was more like a part of me came to life when my mother died last year.

She was a loyal JW 64 out of the almost 68 years of her life. She tried to shun me after I was df'ed but wasn't as "good" at it as she "should" have been, which caused her a great deal of inner turmoil, which she then sometimes inflicted upon me.

My daughter and I took care of her during the last 3 weeks of her life (with an elder's permission), and during that time, all the old conflicts and resentments just seemed to melt away from my heart and mind. Not that the source of them wasn't still there, it was just that it didn't really matter to me any more. I tried to make sure that through all the pain and difficulty and uncertainty, she was bathed in and comforted by all the love I was feeling for her, and I began to feel some of the qualities I had always admired in her, in spite of the JW stuff, begin to awaken in me.

There was a song on Myspace I listened to during and right after that which expressed some of what I was feeling--"Blood In My Veins" by Jude. (clickable link)

~Merry

jaguarbass

My father died 4 years ago at 74 of prostrate cancer. He was never a witness. He allowed my mother to raise my brother and I as witnesses.

Yes a part of me died when he died. I still have a sadness everyday. I kind of figure I have 19 years left maybe 15 good ones. Even if I live to 80, I only have 25 left. 25's not to bad. Once you hit 80 there's not a lot you can do.

Little Drummer Boy

What died for me when my dad died was possibilities.

Possibilities for him to say "I love you." He never did, not once in my life, until stroke took his mind and he would just parrot it back because he didn't know any different.

Possibilities for him to say he was proud of me. He never was.

Possibilities to have any sort of father/son relationship. We never did. I was an "accident" and my existence basicaly ruined my parents life once they thought they were done having children - and I felt that sentiment every day of my life while growing up.

I didn't grieve so much for his death - he had been very ill for a very long time - but rather for the things that could never be.

Sorry for being a downer...that's the truth of it though.

AK - Jeff

Thankfully, when Mom died, three and half years back, I had 'figured out that it wasnt' the truth', but had never told her that. She died believing it was the 'truth', though she was inactive for decades before she passed. She would have hated knowing how the local "Christian Witnesses" all boycotted her funeral due to my non-association with them any longer.

I hate the way the guilt of the religion drove my mother to poor choices in life. I miss her most every day.

Jeff

Finally-Free

In 2001 I moved in with my dad. At 81, he was in poor health and needed help. Unfortunately, he died of a massive heart attack the same day I moved in while I was out getting my second load of furniture. He seemed ok when I last saw him, and very happy and excited that I was moving in. Even though he was up there in years, it came as a terrible shock to me, and I felt like I aged 10 years in the week that followed. It certainly showed in my appearance, and much of my hair turned grey very quickly. When I returned to work after my bereavement leave I was in the washroom and suddenly noticed that I could barely recognize myself in the mirror.

I really wish he could have stayed alive long enough to see me leave the JWs 2 years later. He would have been so happy.

My mom died last December. She was a JW, but I think she was beginning to see some problems with them. This year has been so hectic I haven't had much time to grieve and try to move on.

I still have 2 sisters, and they have families, but I feel little in common with them. We're not close. After spending 20 years in the cult and virtually ignoring them, it's not surprising. It's no reflection on them - I'm the one who feels so disconnected from everyone and everything. I lost both my parents, my wife, my religion, my health and my home all in the last 6 years. I'm lucky to have my bird - he's become the only thing in life I really care about now.

I guess it's safe to say a part of me died along with my parents.

W

BFD

I loved my dad. Even through the years when I shunned him.

I was not JW whenI did.

I had a close relationship with my father at the time of his death. It took an amazing amount of love and tolerance and forgiveness for us to reach the bond we shared.

I lost a friend.

BFD

When Your Parent Died

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