Avoiding an Elder

by R.F. 40 Replies latest jw experiences

  • R.F.
    R.F.

    I'm almost six months past walking away from the religion, and one of the elders has risen and thrown a monkey wrench into my entire plan.

    Things have been great actually. Since i've managed to shed myself of congregation responsiblities, the elders have gotten off my back quite a bit. This has been the case especially since the CO visit over a month ago, when they were doing their mandatory check-ups on me.

    Now, suddenly, this elder comes out of no where and now needs to talk with me. I will say that he's never showed any concern for me, not even talk to me much, except when it came to congregational duties. I haven't answered any of his calls and I don't intend on calling him back. The first voicemail he left me was in a very strong, authoritative tone. He said he plainly, "I need to talk to you". He called later that day in a more gentle tone, asking me to call him back immediately. I knew right then that this wasn't your regular courtesy call, he's out for information.

    He's left a few more voicemails and his tone keeps getting more gentle each time. It seems as if he's realized I don't want to talk to him and now he wants to show that he cares. He then went on to contact my parents, telling them to ask me to contact him Then the other day, he sent a letter by way of my father to me. He told dad not to read it, that it's confidential. Mom gave me the letter when I went to go visit them the other night. If the letter is so confidential, why not put it in an enveloped? It was simply folded in half, no tape or anything. Perhaps i'm reading too much into that, but it seems like that could be a potential pot-stirrer. No doubt my parents are wondering what is going on since this elder so hell-bent on talking with me. Mom now says..."well the brothers are so concerned about you...you need to call them!" I'm quite sure her to let her know how "concerned" he was.

    I still intend on avoiding him, but i'm just wondering how this all will play out. I can see how this can potentially blow a good thing I have going here. I'm living quietly without JW burdens now, and my parents don't question me much about meetings anymore, but this has given somewhat of a spark to the issue.

    I'm also wondering what he could want. My first thought is that he wants to know what I believe now. Right before I ended the engagement with my ex-fiancee, I told her how the 607/1914 thing was something I lost faith in, and that it's definitely something she should look into more herself. At first, she agreed that she should, but a couple of days later she said I scared her. I'm wondering if she's shared this bit of information with him. In fact, she's told me before that if she needed to talk to any of the elders, it would be him.

    I also will say that this particular BOE doesn't seem to take much action on anything, or show much concern for others, unless they do something "wrong".

    Hopefully this will all go away by further avoidance. I'll keep you posted with further developments.

    R.F.

  • momzcrazy
    momzcrazy

    RF May I suggest turning your machine off. Then they can't leave messages and if they show up ask them to call first. Oh, and get caller ID if you don't have it.

    My sister chains up her Rottie in the carport on the weekends. That may be a little extreme, but it's worked!

    I don't care if they come over, I'll tell them I don't care what they do, just leave me alone. Of course I have no personal attatchments in a new hall.

    momz

  • minimus
    minimus

    The CO instructed the elders to look into things. One "witness" has said you've questioned the FDS. Now they are looking to confirm.

    Tell them nothing except that you are not going to talk to them about anything and that you are dealing with some personal issues and that if you need them, you know how to seek them out. Meanwhile, in that "elder tone", tell them emphatically that you are not in a position to speak about matters of any sort .

  • R.F.
    R.F.

    I have caller id, and I actually changed my phone number yesterday for a few other reasons as well. I told my parents to give it to NO ONE. The Rottie idea sounds like a good one though...I sometimes wish I had one.

    He won't be getting in if he stops by either. If I happen to see him in public, which I often do, i'll just tell him I don't want to talk about anything.

    I just hate that all of this has gotten my parents a tad bit suspicious.

  • solidergirl
    solidergirl

    I personally think its crazy that were fugitives in our own homes. I could understand if we were active and wearing a I'm a Jehovah Witness shirt. Why put your nuts in a bunch if someone no longer wants to be a JW. Why we got to go through the whole DA process. Its just stupid I can understand DF but DA its retarded. If we get judge based on what we do and what we think than theres no point in the whole DF or DA process. All it those is break families up and make you out to be a criminal.

  • JK666
    JK666

    R.F.,

    Do you really think that your parents will not give the elders yoour phone number? I know that my family would, whether I wanted them to or not.

    JK

  • Farkel
    Farkel

    R.F.,

    Although you probably know this already, just in case you don't I'll mention it. Do NOT give any dub any information on the phone that they could use against you. There are many examples of one elder calling a suspect to offer "spiritual comfort" or to encourage a suspect to share any doubts about the WTS. At the same time, there is another elder listening (and saying nothing) on a phone extension. If you say the "wrong" thing, poof! They have "two witnesses(tm)" against you and you are screwed.

    Farkel

  • R.F.
    R.F.

    JK, I most certainly hope they'd comply with my wishes. I explained very clearly who was included in the "No One" category. Time will tell if they do.

    Farkel, I don't talk to any Dubs anymore, and if I happen to in the future I won't discuss anything JW-related with them. That is a new thought for me though...the Elder 3-way thing. So much sneakiness among them.

    R.F.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    Thanks for your update. Do as told, don't provide nuthin.

    They expected your parents to read the letter. It's just a way to say they were
    told not to read it.

  • Gregor
    Gregor

    Figure out a time to return his call when you know he won't answer. Leave him a brief, polite message that you've been very busy and that the next time he sends you any 'confidential' letters via your parents that he please seal them in an envelope. If you do get cornered I would play the greased pig routine like this:

    E: So, RF, do you still believe it is the truth?

    RF: Yes

    E: Is there anything you don't agree with?

    RF: Nope

    E: Your X fiancee said you had doubts about 1914...blah blahh

    RF: Oh that was then. I'm cool with it now.

    E: When can we see you back at the meetings?

    RF: Please be patient. Soon. etc etc

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