Mom.... born to a father who felt that women were useless and a mother who was schizophrenic. Left with the mom, who tried to kill her by smothering and basically was pretty messed up. Mom was tossed around to orphanage, relatives, everything, until her dad got remarried and took her home. Her new stepmom did not know what to do with my mum (who I guess was diagnosed somewhat autistic at the time) and was pretty hard on her. She grew up a Methodist / Presbyterian - basically a good kid, Sunday school teacher, etc. Her dad refused to pay for her schooling while he sent his son (born to the new stepmom) to MIT. She married some guy, divorced him, married my dad. The JWs found her at the door and she started to preach at them and it backfired. She became one and I was raised as such. However, she has always had problems with their theology at times and now tells me that she will be out before long. She introduced me to Franz' COC and is trying to reconcile her beliefs as a JW and having a hard time of it. I think she is most afraid that she will lose her friends of 30+ years when she leaves. She will lose her home (she rents from a sister), lose her friends, her support, everything. I think it is HORRIBLE that a religion would do that to an old lady, just because she is honest and candid about the truth.
Tell Me About Your Jehovah's Witness Mother...If You had One!
by new boy 29 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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dawg
I've read each and everyone of your posts.... thery're very interesting.
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RichieRich
My mom was born to the rebellious son of an Tecas oil tycoon and a young Washington DC woman. When my mother was 2 years old and her older sister 3, the JWs knocked on the door and offered my grandmother what she was looking for- something to do, someone to care about her, and something for her kids to have. My grandmother bought it all, hook, line, and sinker. My grandfather left my grandmother when she got baptized a year later.
My grandmother raised my mom and her older sister from ages 3 and 4 on her own. They lived in a nice house in a nice area of town. My aunt was rebellious, shook off the JW teachings as much as possible, and managed to try and enjoy herself in her youth. This made my mom buy into the JW teachings more.
The day my mom turned 18, she moved out of my grandmother's home.
Two years later, she was engaged to some man. That got broken off, and my mom's spiritual activity decreased as well. A year later she was inactive and met my father. He was a nice enough guy, so they decided to get married. The only facts I know are that they were married March 31st, 1987, and I was born in late April, 1988. But apparently my mother had a miscarriage before she had me, which suggests foul play before marriage to me... but I've never thought about it too much.
Apparently my father putting the ring on my mother's finger woke her up to what was happening, and she decided to go back to the JWs. She was put on reproof.
My mother became more and more assertive over time, and eventually started trying to run my dad. Dad never fought back, which isn't because he's a pushover, but rather because he knew he'd lose if he went up against her in a confrontation.
Mom regular pioneered from the time I was 2 until I was 7. To think that until I went to school I was spending 1000 + hours a year riding around in a car being ignored is crazy.
As I got older, I became my mother's emotional confidant as well as her stress relief. She'd beat me with a belt (always 50 licks or more) and then make me sit next to her and hug her while she cried.
As I got older still the Bible and long (5,6 hour) diatribes took the place of beating. She never held back a quick fist to chest or slap to the face (even in front of my peers- at ages 11-15) but her new way to punish me was to convince me that her way was God's and that my father's way was Satan's... and that I was in the middle on an epic battle, right in my household. She also dangled threats over my head (if you leave the Witnesses, I'll never be able to love you,etc).
Dad never stopped Mom from doing anything unless she was making too much noise. He only ever intervened on my behalf on less than a handful of occasions when he could tell I had had too much.
Basically, mom was the ideal Witness mom from the outside looking in, but only those close to her knew how unstable she was. And to someone who lived in the midst of it, it was hard to tell what was Jehovah's way, and what was just her being crazy.
Oh well... sounds like we all had the same mom anyway.
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Mum
My departed mother did not become a JW until years after I had ceased being one. She cleverly waited until she was too sickly to experience the exploitation many JW females experience. The JW's (very nice ones, my dad's boss and his wife) came and studied with my parents in the 1950's. My folks loved to impress people, and having a "Bible study" was a golden opportunity to kiss the boss's derriere. After my dad got a cushy federal civil service job, the study was discontinued. Unfortunately, I decided to join the JW's a few years after the study ended, thus keeping everybody on the JW radar.
My mother was the only child of two very loving, simple people who adored her above all else. My grandmother gave birth three times, once to a boy who was stillborn, once to a beautiful girl who died before her first birthday from a childhood illness, and my mother. Being the only surviving child and considered quite beautiful (A doctor offered to adopt her when she was a baby because he was the most beautiful child he had ever seen), she was overprotected, indulged, adored and spoiled to the point that she was quite in love with herself -- to a point.
My mother is a mystery to me. Obviously, she was mentally ill, but in strange and inconsistent ways. She was committed to cleanliness and perfectionism. I was the embarrassment of her life because I was extremely introverted (probably Asperger Syndrome) "crippled" and not so beautiful. My sister was her darling because she was outgoing, funny, curly haired, dimpled and physically perfect. My poor brother was adored because he was male, and having a male was pleasing to my narcissistic sperm donor. I was given to my grandparents so she wouldn't have to explain to everybody how such a perfect specimen as herself gave birth to something so pathetic.
So, the first 11 years of my life meant limited contact with my egg and sperm donors because of living with my grandparents and long hospitalizations (4 months in hospital from 8-11 months, 9 months in hospital at age 7). My grandparents actually loved and cared for me. I am so lucky! My brother and sister had to endure vacillating adoration and humiliation punctuated with abuse (I did, too, when "they" were around, but they mostly weren't with me). When I was 11 years old, I had to go live with my parents because my sister saw through the unfairness of my situation versus hers.
What I can't understand is why my mom chose to be abused and humiliated by my sperm donor when she could have had such a wonderful life. My grandparents would have sacrificed anything to provide her with education or anything else she wanted. She got married two days before her 15th birthday. I understand the teenage stupidity, but the stupidity did not end with adulthood. She was weak and dependent, but that's not how I saw her at the time because of her aggression within the household.
My folks had physical fights and dragged us into them. They called us kids names that people have never called Manson or Dahmer. We had to wear clothing that hid our bruises. My sperm donor was sexually abusive with me (never actually raped me, but always knew just when to back off). When he tried it with my sister, she reported him to my mom. She protested, but really knew the truth, and (according to my sister), would remind him in later years that she could have had him put away for a long time. They had this sado-masochistic game that kept going.
We are all screwed up, but I function much better than the other two despite the fact that the other two were never JW's. Like many other criminals, my folks saw themselves and benevolent and generous, and they often were, particularly to impress those for whom they did not have the contempt bred of familiarity which they harbored for their offspring and their parents. All of my male cousins adore my sperm donor. My mother was adored by almost everyone.
It is quite amusing to me that my mother turned dubdom on its head by rejecting it and then embracing it at a time when the JW's could be of service to her. Her congregation was quite unusual in that they actually made out a schedule for different sisters to come and look in on my mom, each one spending at least an hour with her each time. She was one smart cookie if she chose to be!
Still figuring it out,
SandraC
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Bobbi
My Mother....
Born middle child to a bank teller and store clerk. Older brother is a sociopath who once tied her to the clothsline and left her there for hours. Younger brother lived in successful older brothers shadow.
Grandmother was absent, too busy playing cards and golfing.
Grandfather thought women were stupid and never expected her to achieve.
Mom was raised in a well to do family, with lots of cousins and was given lots of advantages but not much parenting.
She met my dad at community college where she was partying mostly. She made money modeling and my dad was an overweight hairy draft dodger from Madawaska. Took him months of bringing her a coffee and danish every morning for her to finally go out with him.
They got married, I was born 9 months later. Mom wasn't used to not having money (Dad is basically from poor white trash) and had never changed a diaper before I was born. Dad worked during the day, mom read books, Dad come home at 5pm and mom went to work at night. 22 months later my sister was born. Mom still had trouble with spending and resented Dad for not making enough.
In 79 when I was 4, she was contacted in the door to door ministry. She studied a long time. I think she liked the attention. Her parents never visited, her inlaws idea of helping was to steal me for a month after my sister was born with out telling her and refusing to bring me back. She never really trusted them again. I wonder why!
In 1980 ( think) Mom was baptised at a circuit assembly and my little sister blurted out that night at dinner that "Mommy went swimming". That is the earliest memory I have of my Dad yelling at Mom for hours. He refused to let my sister and I go to meetings or service but in '82 relented I think cause he was tired of babysitting all the time. Still didn't let us go in service. Mom put alot of pressure on me to follow the witnesses and stand up to my dad about the holidays. After Christmas "83 I told my dad I didn't want to do christmas at his parents anymore. Poor Daddy, I was very young but i know now how hurt he was. Mom was always mean to him, resented him having other friends and other hobbies.
Mom was unstable. She would throw these wonderful kids parties. Bake up a storm, spend hours making hats and blowing up balloons. All the kids in teh congregation loved her. But at home she was "dark". I never knew what would set her off. I grew up looking over my shoulder wondering what kind of mood mom was in. She loved my little sister and they had a lot in common.
In 1987, Dad got promoted and we had to move. She got cervical cancer and was working full time. By this time Dad was at least friendly with the brothers but my friends were never allowed to come to my house cause Dad was an unbeliever. Mom is very 'house-proud". She loved to share her house with her friends but it always started problems in the congregation. Sister Dirt Poor would start saying Mom was materialistic and vain.
In 1989 she had the first of two car accidents followed by a hysterectomy. She was so hopped up on pain meds She would forget she had kids. I think my dad had an affair around then or at least she thought he did. She worked so hard to make us seem like the perfect family but our home life was horrid.
A close friend recently told me that she bragged the reason I was so well behaved was that she used humiliation to keep me under control. Didn't take much to break my will back then either. My sister started acting out that year.
In 1994 She became very sick with Shingles. Worst case the doctors had ever seen. My sister had left home ( she was 15) Dad was working away from home and was only home Friday night to sunday night most weeks. I took care of her. This is when we thought she might have Multiple Sclerosis. Dad started studying about this time. I think he took the path of least resistance.
She was officially diagnosed with MS in 1997 but didn't want to tell anyone cause she didn't want them to pity her. All her energy was spent to get to the meetings and service. She had nothing left for anyone else. When she kept passing out at the kingdom hall I had to lie to cover the real reason.
Dad got baptised in 1995 but was still away from home a lot. He enjoyed going to meetings in all the different cities and make lots of good friends. Then he would have to come home to Mom who was getting worse and worse, My sister who was knocked up and living with us and me, the eternal screw up.
Now Mom is not well. Dad is aging way to fast. My sister has straightened out her life.
Mom says that the reason she has no friends is that she attracts users. No one stays her friend cause she drives them away by being overly critical and sanctimonious. She pioneered last year. However she didn't have the strength to be my mother or my sons grand mother. She says being in my life is too stressful and there fore doesn't want any contact with me. She doesn't even pretend to love any of us except my oldest nephew who is too young to piss her off yet.
I don't know that my mother would have been happier if the sisters had never called on our door. I think she would have always been difficult but maybe my sister and I would have had other family to lean on instead of mom driving them all away.
I worry my dad is going to drop dead I will have to take care of my mother. I am terrified of her and hate the control she still holds over me.
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new boy
Is it any wonder that most of us should do more therapy?
"I cried the blues because I had no shoes....then I saw a man with no feet."
More tidbits
My mother and father had a "Parent Child relationship" My mother.....was "The Mother"...she had to take care of her brothers and sister after my grandmother killed herself.
My father was the "little boy" oldest son of an Italian family he was spoiled rotten. Plus most Italians have a matriarahal society....the mother rins the whole show.
So when they meet it was perfect....The big moma and the little kid.......It worked great all the way up to the time my father didn't want to be the little boy any more...
Every wonder why marriages go up in smoke after 10, 20, 30 or more years....Its easy! One person decides to grow....and the other says "no way."
"HAY...when we got married you said you wanted to be the little girl/little boy....what the hell is going on here?"
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Billzfan23
She doesn't talk to me, she's an antisocial cult follower, she's a complete mess and a sorry excuse for a human being.. don't think I'd piss on her gums if her teeth were on fire...
We have been estranged for a long time.. in short, class...she sucks... POP QUIZ TOMORROW!
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sf
She doesn't fit the definition of mother.
There is nothing nurturing about her. Never really was, I suppose.
sKally
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sf
Actually, there is NOTHING nurturing or good about ANY jw 'mother'.
Seriously, how could there be?
sKally
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Good Girl or Bad Girl?
I love my mom so much it hurts. I don't want to say anything else. I wish she would call me sometimes. I know she loves me. She's just following the rules she feels she must follow. I miss her.
She was adoring and mostly stable (who's completely stable anyway? I haven't met that person yet) growing up and a good mother. I have not been through terrible times like so many here. I had a good childhood. I just wish that the JW rules wouldn't prevent my mother and me from enjoying the mother-daughter relationship that we both deserve. The WTS has stolen that from us, and for that I can't forgive them.
I guess I said a little more. It's just I know that JW members of my family read this from time to time and are very sensitive to what I write.
Thank you for this thread, new boy.