query letter to lit.agent--feedback needed

by rekless 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  rekless

  Thank every one who participated and I will apply your suggestions.

  I am using writersmarket.com, and several other agent lists.

  The reason I tied the celebrities into this letter I am quering an agent who has represented some of the celebrities listed.

  The garden sentence has to do with George Orwell's "Animal Farm."

  I realize the cult thing and the marketing aspect of just Jws' but there are also many more social-religious systems, and with the current interest in Muslims, Sciencetology and Mormonism.

  There was a book just picked up by an agent and sold to a main stream publisher entitled: I'm Perfect, You're Dead: Tales of a Jehovah's Witness Growing Up.
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  Abandoned

  Hey buddy, you caught me on a busy weekend, so let me give you my suggestions and see what you can do with them rather than rewrite it for you. If you still need more help though, feel free to ask. For the record, all five of the query letters I have submitted were accepted for publication so while I'm still fairly new at this, I'm not exactly a neophyte.

  First, Yes, you do need to cut down the number of celebrities. A list of fifteen of anything is too bulky. I think six would be your best bet. Plus, since your story isn't about them, I wouldn't open with them. The problem is that when you open your query letter talking about famous people and then in the next paragraph say that your book isn't about them, the edito is very likely to stop reading at that point. Sell your book on its own merit.

  You can talk about the person in the book having had a hard time with the Watchtower religion, but you have to sound neutral when referring to it. The reason is that you lose your credibility when you sound like you have an ulterior motive. An editor is going to be thinking about what kind of legal issues he could be getting himself into and not be open to reading more. So, you can say that the person in the book felt like the Watchtower was a regime, but don't call it one when referring to it in your query letter. Do you understand the subtle difference?

  Start with that and I'll reread what you come up with if you want me to. Good luck.
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  Hortensia

  I agree with abandoned - your sentences are too long, it sounds too bitter, and it isn't clear what the book is about. There are specific formats for submitting book proposals. Cover letter, very brief with an interesting hook. You also need to have information about the market - who is the book for, how many of them are there, what other books on the same subject have been published, how is yours different and better? You also need to submit the introduction, table of contents, a couple of completed chapters, and a summary of the remaining chapters. Don't finish the book until you have some interest from someone. They may have specific suggestions about how to finish the book, what would be interesting to publishers.
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  Hortensia

  You might want to start your query letter with the answer to the question "who cares?" Something like "There are more than six million Jehovah's Witnesses worldwide and yet very few people, seeing the nicely dressed pairs going door to door to sell their religion, realize that it is in fact an insidious cult. Family members and friends of Jehovah's Witnesses can tell you about the pain and suffering this organization has caused - it affects millions more. This book is my story - how this religion caused me to lose my wholel ife, including my wife and child." This lets the literary agent know there is a big audience for the information.
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  rekless

  I like your suggestions. I will incorporate them in the marketing section.

  The book is finished. Here is the final paragraph .

  In the short time of six days, thirty years were lost along with my wife, two grand kids, one daughter, a son-in-law, three brother-in-laws, a mother-in-law, two sister-in-laws, and over a hundred friendships. Each one shared whether they agreed with it or not a extraordinary special bond--the dream--a paradisaic dream of ever-lasting life on Earth. The dream in which I would see Lit’el Danny resurrected. The dream of walking hand in hand with all my resurrected love ones. The dream turned into a nightmare for millions of whom only a few comprehend, because it was a contrived dream, and we were captivated by a system of deceit and we became the dream pushers.