Welcome gringa,
I am sorry for your loss. And while any loss is truly personal and no one can "know how you feel" I can sympathize(sp). I lost all three of my brothers to suicide. I was only close to the last one. But each of the deaths diminished my mother and hurt our family.
Two of them had been to Viet Nam which I am sure caused a lot of their pain. But the last one that I was really close to had effects of agent orange, his business was failing and he was heart broken over our other two brothers leaving that way AND the fact that the JWs had torn our family literally right down the middle. Three kids in, three kids out. My poor mom.
That was almost ten years ago. He was a Christian but had so many problems...
Anyway, I refuse to say, "I know just how you feel" because that is so lame. NO one knows how anyone else feels BUT I can try to understand and definitely welcome you here.
sacrebleu