Learning True Tolerance: Joel Engardio on NPR

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Learning True Tolerance

by Joel Engardio

Weekend Edition Sunday, November 25, 2007 · I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness. If I ever knocked on your door when you were mowing the lawn or taking a nap, please excuse me. I understand: A kid with a Watchtower magazine on your front porch isn't a Girl Scout with cookies, but, hey, you didn't have to sic your dog on me.

I believe how we treat the people we dislike the most and understand the least — Jehovah's Witnesses, for example — says a lot about the freedoms we value in America: religion, speech and personal liberty. And all of these freedoms rely on one thing: tolerance.

I learned this as a kid when I went door-knocking with my mom. We were preaching that Jehovah's kingdom was coming soon to solve the world's problems. I prayed no one from school was behind those doors. Dogs I could run from. It was hard enough being singled out as the kid who didn't celebrate Christmas or didn't say the Pledge of Allegiance. There was little tolerance for my explanation that we only worshipped God, and that God wasn't American. There was no tolerance when I told my third-grade class that Santa Claus was pagan and a lie.

Still, I didn't have a bad childhood. Our Saturday morning ministry meant sacrificing my Saturday morning cartoons, but our 10 o'clock coffee break was a blessing. That's when we would gather at Dunkin' Donuts, trying not to get powdered sugar on our suits and dresses, while we told stories and laughed. We always knew when you were "home but hiding."

As a teenager, I decided fitting in at school and in life was worth sacrificing some principles. So I never became a Jehovah's Witness. That was the first time I broke my mom's heart. The second time was when I told her I am gay.

Obviously, I don't agree with my mom's belief that same-sex relationships are wrong. But I tolerate her religion because she has a right to her beliefs. And I like it that my mom doesn't politicize her beliefs. She has never voted for a law that discriminates against gay people, or anyone who isn't a Jehovah's Witness. Her Bible tells her to love, above all.

My belief in tolerance led to a documentary film I made about Jehovah's Witnesses, and my mom actually likes it. The message is about being open to letting people have views we don't like, so in that sense, it could also be about Muslims, gay people or NASCAR race fans. The point is the people we don't understand become less scary when we get to know them as real people. We don't have to be each other's cup of tea, but tolerance lets a variety of kettles peacefully share the stove.

I believe our capacity to tolerate both religious and personal difference is what will ultimately give us true liberty — even if it means putting up with an occasional knock on the door.

Joel Engardio is a program strategist for the American Civil Liberties Union in San Francisco. He has written for the New York Times, USA Today and other papers. Knocking, his documentary about Jehovah's Witnesses, aired on PBS earlier this year. Photo courtesy of Joel Engardio

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=16505529&ps=saLer

brunnhilde

I heard he was going to do a "This I Believe" essay for NPR. What I find so astonishing is the one-sidedness of this. He exhorts us to be tolerant of them while completely ignoring the hate-filled rhetoric towards anyone who doesn't agree with the dubbies. I'm all for tolerance, but I also believe it should be reciprocated.

brunn

mavie

Hey Joel,

Are witnesses tolerant of your lifestyle? Are they tolerant of those who have been baptized and subsequently left?

Warlock

Why don't you just jump down the man's throat, for Christs sake!

Warlock

PEC

He must have grown up in a different dub world that the rest of us. Someone needs to turn in his mom, so she can get DFed, for not shunning him.

Hi, warlock.

Philip

Junction-Guy

Joel Engardio makes me want to puke. Nothing further to say at this time.

Amber Rose

He understands tolerance. I guess that's why he's not a Jehovah's Witness.

purplesofa

JW's believe Joel will die at the BIG A. ....whatever he wants to do to make the religion looks good they are going to tolerate it.

Then they will watch him become birdfood. Thats how they tolerate him.

saying, He did good for us but just could not quit being gay. And never shed a tear.

purps

Dagney

He should do a documentary on the JW's view of tolerance.

Oh, maybe not.

Amber Rose

On the one hand I can relate to Joel. Being on the recieving end of intolerance, knowing what it feels like, makes you more sympathetic to other "oddballs'. On the other hand, like Junction Guy, Joel makes me want to puke. He completely misrepresents and distorts the ideals of JWs. To say that his mom is so tolerant because she never voted for someone anti-gay, what a laugh. He doesn't know what it is like to be a JW or a DF'd JW because he was never either.

Learning True Tolerance: Joel Engardio on NPR

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