Here's my story everyone,
Okay, my parents became witnesses when I was 3 or 4. I remember them both getting baptized together. When I was 14 my father got disfellowshipped for smoking. He's not gone back to this day. I have 2 sibilings. My brother left 11 years ago after my sister in law did her research. They are now Baptists. I cringe now, when I think about how I talked about them behind their backs for leaving Jehovah's organization. I even sent a letter about them to their old congregation and told one of their old friends that they went to church. I feel so bad now for doing that. Nothing ever became of the letter though or the comment. My sister studied with 5 or 6 different people, but never got baptized.
I got pregnant with my daughter when I was a teenager and got put on reproof. I never will forget when my mother's all time favorite elder, to this day, asked me during the JC meeting "did I like it" in relation to sex. Can you believe that? My mother never commented. Why would a grown man ask a 15 year old girl that. Now that I think back on the pedophile stuff going on now, maybe that was why. When I asked her about this in the recent years, she said she didn't hear him say that. Whatever!
So I had my daughter and married my (boyfriend) after our second child was born. Well a year after that I was on fire for the Society. I mean what I was out there in the "World" for, I married. So time to be good. I started studying and even went up so that I could go out in field service again. And lo and behold when I met with the brothers about FS, they asked me if the man I was married to was the father of my children. Oh my goodness, I wish I had said, if he wasn't does that mean I can't go out in FS. What the heck does that have to do with anything. I'm gettigng mad just thinking about it now. My husband is not nor has he ever been a witness.
I got baptized in '92 or '94, I can't really remember. But the more I think about it, I think it was '92 'cause I got married in '89. I did really great until we bought a house and I switched congregations. By then I was pregnant with my son. This is 1998. We started at a new congregation where parents actually had to walk their kids outside when they were noisy. One week you couldn't stand in the foyer with them. The next week, you could stand in the foyer, but not in the library...they could never make up their minds. And one brother even knocked on the bathroom door to tell the moms to quiet down their kids. Well where the heck else are you supposed to go? Well one time...and my children were not loud kids, I was very conscience of not disturbing anyone. My son was getting cranky and i was getting ready to get up when a brother approached me and asked me to take my son out. I was devestated. I later told the (PO) elder that for me, a person who already had a hard time comign to the meetings, that was very discouraging. My child could not learn to sit in the meetings if i keep getting up every time he goes peep. Well the elder told me the brother was new and over zealous and then you won't believe what happened next? That elder I talked to, stopped speaking to me. He barely made eye contact anymore. That was then the beginning of my slow fade. I tried another KH when my mom moved out here and a friend that was Dissed, thinking that would be easier, but I was no longer into anymore.
Oh yeah, let me not forget the last and most hurtful straw was at the SF Cow Palace convention. I have 3 little ones and they were all 2.5 years apart at that time. I think this was in 2005. We were sitting at the very top of the place 'cause I had to get up so often with them and I didn't want to disturb them. A brother came and told us we had to move from there. So I could see other people moving but it was during lunch time. So I nicely asked him if he could find us a place to sit because I have all these babies and I'm trying not to distrub anyone. He just walked away with a half smile/smirk on his face. I stayed right where I was but I did go call my "godmother" and cried about it. I could not believe it. Where was the so-called LOVE?
I bumbled around and tried over and over again to read the bible on my own, but it never worked for me. And then last September (2006) I decided this was it. I was going to read my bible. So I prayed to Jehovah to clear my mind of everything related to the "borg" so I could learn what he wanted me to learn from the Bible. It was the best experience of my life. I have a friend who is Church of christ and we would stay up to all hours of the night on the phone reading the bible. Imagine how heartwrenching but freeing it was when I realized that everything the "borg" taught was not so. I spent a lot of time being angry and crying. It was the most emotional experience I've had in my life to date.
So then I called my "godfather" who was an elder and he has known me since I was like 10 years old. I was in hysterics. Crying, crying, crying, sobbing and asking him about 1975 and a couple of other things. He danced around that one until he finally had to admit that the society did give the date. I told him I appreciate him talking to me 'cause other's might think I was apostate and not listen. And I knew I could talk to him. I do remember him sounding really distance. I then talked to his wife, who knew me even before she married him and she told me that "I think too deep." I said, but what if I was your Bible study? She told me, "I wouldnt' want you for a Bible Study. You think to deep!" Well you know they never called me again until like 5 months later and she said, "Oh we were sittign here talking about you ane I told my husband (godfather), I've got to call my daughter." So I played the role and talked about everything but the real issue knowing I'd never hear from them again.
Then my friend who was dissed and then got reinstated. Well every weekend she sees my "godparents' cause she takes her kids to see their dad who lives in the same town and goes to the KH with her mom ( my godparents do). However, when she was in our town where we live she was drinking, sexing and eveyrthing esle. but every other weekend when she went into the other town, she'd go to the meeting and field service with her mom and elder brother, so they didn't know what a double life she lead. Well now she has moved in her cousin who is a very orthodox witness so she has somebody to help her be good and she makes all her meetigns now. she's in the same congr. as my mom out here in our town. So she's distancing herself 'cause I scared her with my questions and she's too weak and afraid to do the reserach, she said she wan'ts to be told 'cause she doesn't like to read. I even sent her the direct link to the UN letter so she would know was valid and from the UN and not another website. You know she never looked at it. She's so scary and weak. Well how are you really going to take in "accurate knowledge of the one true God" if you dont' know the Bible, his Word? But hey, she just wants to please her family and not get dissed again 'cause when she was out they had nothing to do with her unless it was related to the children. So she made a token call a few weeks ago, but she won't be calling again, and I won't be calling her. I do want to ask her if she's talked to the brothers about what she's been doing all these years since she got reinstated and was still fornicating. I mean if she is going to play the game, she needs to follow all the rules, right? But that's just me being evil.
I sent my mother an email when I finally made my decision and quoted Matthew about giving their child a stone when they aks for bread. She never responded. I qouted scripture and stuck to doctrine, but she wasn't going there. So whatever. I was talkign to her a few weeks ago and mentioned I might send my kids to christian school, and she mumbles "Well that's what you do." Boy, I should have told her, excuse me, you sent me to a Catholic school for pregnant girls when I was pregnant and we were witnesses then. But I let it go. Though it makes me want to call her now and say it. LOL! So she likes to make snide under her breath comments but she won't deal directly with the scriptures. I quoted a scripture the other day which had nothing to do with people going to heaven and she starts yelling and screaming about no ones going to heaven and I'm like, "I didn't say anythign about anyone going to heaven" Then she starts yelling that she knows/reads the bible and she knows that scripture. Well if she knows the scripture then she knows it says nothing about no one goign to heaven. (excuse all my typos) I'm getting tired. I mean I know what it's like to be defensive about the JW doctorine when you don't have the answer. I was like that myself in the past. I would get angry and walk away.
So i've tried Apostolic Pentecostal, Baptist Chruch, Church of God in Christ (COGIC, which I like for the music), Church of Christ (which I like for their focus on the Bible) however, they are very much like Witnesses except they don't believe in instrumental, taped or any kind of music, only accapella (sp), they don't celebrate Xmas or Easter for the same reasons as Witnesses, they disfellowship too. I went there for over 6 months but found inconsistencies in their doctorine too and they are also controlling like Witnesses. When I sent my friend who goes there a link to a site for Ex-chruch of christ, she never looked at it. Though she always had comments about witnesses, but wouldn't look at her own religion.They won't look at anything not written by someone Church of Christ. I was like okay this is history repeating itself again. I'm falling into the same trap. So then I was like, okay you're just like the JW's too. However, if I had to chose I would do Chruch of Christ before going back to the KH. So I've just stopped going anywhere. I try to study the Bible and I do Sunday School lessons i find online with the kids and we sing bible songs for kids and stuff like that about a half hour every evening.
Well that's my story, give or take a few instances. I've had moments when I've felt so close to Jehovah since this all happened that I could cry just thinking about it. As well as I've had moments when he seems so far away. But that's my doing and not his. I've not been in my Bible as often as I was etc. I've also had periods of numbness like how I feel now. I go through the motions, but I know he's working on me. I've got a lot of issues (anger) I've got to work out. I've started studying the fruits of the spirit this week. So we'll see.
That's all folks! :O
-Angela (GetOverIt - I call myself that 'cause i can't wait until I finally do it).