"A MAN WITHOUT A COUNTRY"

by Bourne 15 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Mum

  Bourne, I feel your pain. You are in a transitional stage right now and have some sorting out to do. I remember that same thought about never having been asked what I wanted. Give yourself time; be patient with yourself. It generally takes at least two years to fully adjust. It took me about that much time, and I was not born into a JW family. If the elders' treatment of me had not been so shabby, I might not have woken up even then.

  As for relationships, this is not the time for serious entanglements. You should get to know a variety of people and learn to be comfortable in a variety of situations with different people.

  Joining a club or doing volunteer work are ways of making friends. Do you have any co-workers or neighbors you like enough to become friends with?

  Regards,

  SandraC
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  Bourne

  Thanks Mum,

  To answer your question regarding co-workers and/or neighbors that I might befriend: While I have recently begun lowering my JW-instilled phobia's of "worldly" people, I admit that I still have much progress left to make. Given some time though, I think this will change. I also appreciated the idea about joining some kind of club. I'll give it some thought.

  Thanks again,

  Bourne
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  dogisgod

  I know how you feel. Please, just take your time. If you get a divorce you will need some time after to sort out those feelings. Don't remarry on the rebound. I dated after my divorce (don't like dating) and the best one was someone who was a former jw--not raised in it. Unfortunately he became very ill with MS. We are still close. More important than his "understanding" was that we continually made each other laugh. We would get cut off in a bar b4 ordering because we would be laughing so hard.

  Take your time. There is no hurry. maybe some counseling would help and give you a safe place to vent (which is dangerous to do with the brothers). You're always welcome here. There are so many great, smart, and relatable people who have genuinely your best interests at heart. You will learn to follow your intellect/instinct instead of guilt and fear. Hugs.
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  Double Edge

  I've never been a dub AND I don't consider myself "worldly". Life a journey and is what you make it ... (sounds simple, but real truth is just that). peace
• 

  Vivamus

  All the great advice has been given already, so I cannot ad something completly new and brilliant to you.

  Give yourself time to grieve. You cannot expect yourself to turn a switch and be all free, all of a sudden.
  Allow yourself to question things - like the term 'wordly' - why do they use that name, what does it mean for a JW, what does it mean for you. And allow yourself to get angry and vent (here or with a counsellor, not to the brothers).
  And believe that will make new friends, and will rebuilt a social life, and you will be happy.

  As for your family, I can relate to that. When I dicided on a course of action that would get me DF'd, I phoned my mother cuz I was terrified she would start to shun me. She didn't cuz she was not hardcore like me, but it was my greatest fear. My mum is still technically a JW, but as inactive as you can get - this allows her to still say "hi" to the dubs.
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  mentalclearness

  I also felt very similarly when I first seperated. I thought the only people that I would be able to relate with on a deeper level would have to be ex JW's but the I met someone that had nothing to do with the witnesses who i connected with on an intellectual level which I had never been able to connect with anyone else. JW or not....It actually was a really good experience because it's importnant to talk to someone who has never had the JW mindest. It adds alot of perspective to many issues you might be dealing with. I guess what I[m trying to say is don[t limit yourself to thinking you can only get alone with ex Jw's. While there is something to be said for being able to talk to someone who knows exactly what you hace experienced, there are many other things you could have in common with someone that an ex JW might not have. For example, growing up in a certain area....or coming from a big family, etc etc...It's all these different "ingredients" that makes us who we are. Sometimes we can mix well with someone elses "ingredients" regardless of what those might be....