I'm just saying that sometimes we all act a little crazy and that doesn't mean we are horrible people - maybe we've just cracked a little from stress. It happened to me this week.
I remember this post from R.Crusoe when I felt like he really reached out to someone that was hurting at the time.
You say it must sound retarded - what you wrote. It sounds exactly how I felt and I'll bet a lot more have felt this too. After 4/5 yrs a JW for decades I was in my personal bubble but trying to keep the money coming in and provide extra social contact for my kids, paying for sports clubs etc (whilst being out of touch with my own family who are not JW) but being stranded from JWs coz I couldn't 'feel' the truth like I'd expected - especially in my relationship. My ex wife continued a JW and hoped all my kids would so she was always encouraging them and reminding them of their status and responsibility. I knew where she was coming from and was in a headlock over this and so much else. I simply tried to provide alternatives but had zero circle of personal friends. In my career I overworked and tried my utmost - as with everything I care about - but my personal life was an exist only element of my life. Been that way for decades and I've tried to change it with all my soul and almost did at one point, for me and my children but life sometimes takes a turn for the worse when you already thought you'd been living there too long so I still get what you just said more often than even I can believe. I take zero medication though, because some family were on it for life and I don't see its benefits (maybe seeing how they were of it put me off - we rarely speak) - I think it's people and happy chatter and caring we all need - which money can't buy and medics cant provide. Hang out with friends as often as you can and even when your strapped for cash it will feel fine if you find the right person/people. You have a few decades of youth to have your own life and do your own thing whilst your young. You need to find some groups of people who know how to live, have fun and are compassionate. Maybe treking with a charity group or outdoor stuff may help. I don't know what sorts of things interest you or maybe even you dont coz you haven't tried enough things. Have you a job? Do you have any chances to pursue a career? Or does religion and God still preoccupy your mind so much that everything else seems trivial and selfish to even consider? Sometimes it is a mix of questions like this which keeps returning to haunt us and bring us down. I have been through lots of them and so am aware of how I deal with many of them. Biggest move is to get around positive, compassionate people who do not get scared of God ( if He loves you He will be glad to see you happy and unafraid of Him). Maybe humanist groups? I will now shut up!
Maybe he is the one hurting now and he needs us.