A decision...

changeling

First of all, let me assure you that I am in my right mind and am not at all depressed. In fact I feel a deep, quiet, inner happiness.

This decision has been running around my brain for a couple of weeks now.

My decision is one that honors how good and how beautiful life is.

I am deeply appreciative for life even though I do not know it's exact source.

My decision is to live a full, productive, and happy life.

My decision is to never be a burden to my family.

My decision is to terminate my life if at any time I do become a burden.

I hope to live to a "ripe old age", and to leave this life kicking and screaming for more.

But if at any time my life is marred by an accident or disease that is crippling, physically or mentally and that requires the sacrifice of my family to sustain my life, I will terminate my life.

I will make space on the planet for another person.

I will give my family the gift of freedom and of remembering me as a vital and healthy person.

I will not plague my family with having to force me to take a bath, or having to clean my excrement.

I will not burden my loved ones with having to rearrange their lives to sustain my misery.

I will leave a letter in which I will tell how much my family means to me and how I want them to live their lives to the full, just as I did.

I will tell them to move on and remember me fondly and be grateful they did not have to see my physical pain or mental anguish.

I will assure them that I died happy and fulfilled, that I have no regrets.

I hope never to have to face my decision. I hope I die an "old lady, warm in my bed".

But again, if life deals me a blow, I will hit back. I will come out swinging and have the last laugh.

I think my loved ones will look back one day and laugh as well.

changeling

onacruse

changeling, I agree with your perspective, and have informed my wife and family of the same decision about my own existence.

OUTLAW

Many people feel the same way.. Attempted Suicide ............... Laughing Mutley ...OUTLAW

Vinny

Sounds okay to me. Though, I'd be VERY conscious about exactly how it would affect my son and close family.

We have all had to live with his mom's suicide just a few years ago. And it was so difficult for so long. I know he'd have a really tough time if I did the same without talking it over in detail first. Suicide is usually a very selfish act, but I guess not always.

The other thing that comes to mind is that sometimes I believe going throug the process of dying has some kind of benefit. Especially if we can maintain our dignity along the way.

But, if I was totally bedridden, I admit it would be hard to keep going, especilaly with others having to take care of me.

But then again...

Tough call...

cognizant dissident

Another perspective to consider...

When I was a child, my family was close friends with a man (and his mother) who had been crippled by polio in his 20's. He was a total quadriplegic, who had a colostomy bag that others had to empty every day. He had to be carried by others to be moved every day. He had to be fed and bathed by others.

Every weekend we all "rearranged" our lives to pick him up from the polio hospital, bring him to the KH and then back home for Sunday dinner. My father and a brother with a van picked him up from the hospital. They also carried him to the toilet. His mom made the Sunday dinner. My brother and I fought over who would get to feed him and who would get to run to the store for him to get his gum. We all looked forward to this visit every weekend. Was all this a "sacrifice". It didn't feel like one to any of us. This man was truly a joy to be around. He was inspirational. He made a neglected little girl (me) feel special. He talked to me like I was a really important person.

He also was a brilliant artist. His paintings still hang in buildings around the city where I grew up. He painted by mouth. He even married a widow with three teenage children who was very motherly and loved to take care of him. He helped bring some discipline and structure to those teenagers lives even though he was confined to a wheelchair. He gave talks at the KH (I know, don't go there). He pioneered. Later in life, he became the spokesman for Mother's March of Dimes, doing television commercials for the charity.

He died some time ago, in his 50's. The assembly hall had to be used for his funeral as it was attended by many, many hundreds of people. It was a great honor to have known him. When I realized I didn't believe in "the truth" anymore, I cried and grieved his death for the first time, because I realized I wasn't going to see him walking again in the new system, like I had always been taught.

I think I can speak for everyone who knew him when I say that if he had left us earlier, we would have been all been deprived of the opportunity to demonstrate our love and caring for him in the way that so many did. That would have been the real tragic loss. We are better people for having had the experience of knowing him and caring for him.

Cog

changeling

Vinny: If I had small children I would have a different perspective. Mine are grown and I would make sure my grandchildren were made to understand my situation when they were older. As little ones all they need to know is that grandma loved them, but she died. No need to mention suicide to a child. I would even leave express wishes that my illness be quoted as my cause of death.

Cog: Your story is trully moving, but these are not the circumstances I'm thinking of. And I in no way mean to imply that all disabled people should end their lives.

As clarification to all: I am the caretaker for my ageing parents. Watching their physical and mental decline is not pretty. I will not subject my children to the life I currently lead.

I appreciate all your comments and perspectives. Life is so precious. I trully do treasure every moment and wish to do so till the very end.

changeling

A decision...

changeling

onacruse

OUTLAW

AlmostAtheist

wha happened?

wanderlustguy

llbh

Vinny

cognizant dissident

changeling

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