To those still "active", what makes you keep going to meetings?

by Cindi_67 23 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Cindi_67

  I've been reading a lot of posts and a lot of you here on the board, are "active" members, attend all meetings and conventions, go out in field service, even help with quick builds. I don't want this to sound like I am disrespecting anybody, but what makes you lead a double life? Doesn't anybody at the hall notice your lack of interest?

  I ask because I had a hard time being active, but at the same time, feeling like I didn't want to be there anymore. I couldn't take it. I couldn't get to the KH and wanting it to be over already.

  My purpose is to actually find out what goes through your mind, and how easy it is to keep pretending to be someone you are not, if at all easy. I am trying to see others point of view. Do you keep meeting because maybe your gut tells you this might be the true religion after all?
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  UU Now

  I lived a double life for several years, but that was because I was still living at home with my JW mom. I made the break when I went away to college. Even then, I think I occasionally attended meetings when visiting my mom for a few years.
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  lurker

  Wife and family still in, do not want to start over at this late date in life. I beleive it is all wrong but can not lose it all. It stinks but it is the way it has to be for now.
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  WTWizard

  False promises. While I was active, there was one family that seemed to be better than the others led by hounders. I would have fun with the kids (and by fun I meant the kind that other people could see, not the kind where there are no other witnesses). I would hand them paper and colored pens, and let them draw. And I let them play with a calculator that I brought to the meetings primarily for their entertainment. It was about 99% for that family alone that I stayed active as long as I did.

  Then the other hounders cut that off. They made rules that effectively banned me from treating them (at that, right out in the open where anyone could see what's going on). No more candies. No more bringing in that calculator for them to play with. No more bringing in paper and colored pens for them to play with. And, eventually they reproved the father and drove him to another congregation (where he became inactive). They did all they could to make sure I would never see any of them again (and I bet they would have been happy to molest another child, using their authority to do so, in a hounding call at their home.)

  From there, it went downhill. Every time they saw anyone that I had the potential to enjoy, they would cut it off. Eventually it was down to just a few men, about four or five, in my book study that I was supposed to draw toward. That was no longer enough reason for me to stay active, so I quit. Of course, between that and the Puketower study about Satan's being blamed for being unloved (from the April 1, 1995 Puketower), I have had it. And now I don't go to any meetings or go out in field circus. Those who want to recapture me do not have a chance of drawing me to the boasting sessions, since every time I am near them, all the sisters reject me and they were the ones that told me to just meet men.

  (Oh yes, I went to Wal-Mart at 7:30 in the morning just to avoid any chance of running into those scumbags. I bet they think I am going at 10:30, if then, and if they showed up then they wasted all that time and gas. And I still got still more Christmas decorations.)
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  rache31

  I am no longer, but for a long time I kept active for a sense of community. I did not have a support system set up yet and didn't know what to do with myself. This was all I had known since I was a baby! I married a man that was not a JW and I do believe I was drawn to him for a reason. He has been my main support through the past few years. Now I am comfortable researching and reading materials to find out what I believe. I am, for the first time in my life, a spiritual person. Before I just went with the flow to avoid trouble from parents and congregation. Know what I mean?
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  mac n cheese

  My spouse does not want to leave (but spouse doesn't like meetings either). At this point, we are still doing the meeting thing to keep the parents happy. Sad and pathetic, I know. At this point, going to meetings is a lot less painful than dealing with the parents' reaction. It's complicated and I'm trying to figure out a way to un-complicate it.
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  aligot ripounsous

  I'm in between. I don't preach nor attend the book study anymore, for reasons I explained to the elders, and told my wife that I will accompany her to the mid week meeting, if she wishes to attend, because I don't want her to feel miserable on her own. For a while I insisted the whole family to attend the WE meeting but the kids don't want to go anymore. To anyone who asks about them I explain that if they are of age to get baptized, they must be in a position to say if they want to attend meetings or not. I don't feel I lead a double life, I just manage a situation and I express my thoughts freely to elders, so far unretaliated, with the feeling that a few of them would like to enjoy the same freedom as the one I enjoy.
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  Cindi_67

  I am no longer, but for a long time I kept active for a sense of community. I did not have a support system set up yet and didn't know what to do with myself. This was all I had known since I was a baby! I married a man that was not a JW and I do believe I was drawn to him for a reason. He has been my main support through the past few years. Now I am comfortable researching and reading materials to find out what I believe. I am, for the first time in my life, a spiritual person. Before I just went with the flow to avoid trouble from parents and congregation. Know what I mean?

  I definitely know what you mean. You and I are in very similar situations. I just can't break my mother's heart by totally dissasociating. She'll bring me the magazines, and every now and then will go to Sunday meetings with her. In fact it's only been twice in more than a year. But I just stopped going. I told her, I need to make sure I am really doing it for love of God, and not just for appearances. I think she is OK with that.

  My spouse does not want to leave (but spouse doesn't like meetings either). At this point, we are still doing the meeting thing to keep the parents happy. Sad and pathetic, I know.

  I don't consider it sad and pathetic. I totally understand. My mom is 74 years old, I keep her hopes up by accepting the literature she brings, I glance over a few articles, so when she refers to them, I'll have something to say so she feels good, thinking I read them. But my feelings and my mood are written in my face and when I go to the meetings, if I'm bored I get in a bad mood, and everyone can tell, same as when I don't agree with something. I just pick up my stuff and go home before the meeting's over. So one way or the other, it doesn't reflect good on my children, they can tell when you don't really want to be there either.
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  XOCO

  with out blowing the cover i'm still @ home i'm barely 20 y/o just 2 more months you guys!!!! even though i am not baptise (unbaptised pub 4 about 10 years) i've started to do research outside the org and what fine timing might i add w/ all of the recent scandals and the cancellation of the promotion of keep on the watch brochure. i have reason probable cause to look into all of these things even though i do not know where they will lead me to like i.e. will my mom shun me or my friends in the truth or will i face a JC or just fade altogether. personally i don't feel that my mom would shun me weather if i was baptise or not. just think that other ppl in our hall would shun my mom b/c of her lack of encouraging me. I mean i'm almost 20 and now's the time for me to decide weather if the so called truth is right 4 me not 4 my mom or anybody else who tell me other wise. u can consider me a wolf in sheep's clothing as in i attend the meetings (i don't comment as much) and i've never pioneer nor do i ever intend to pioneer and i've never have the desire to be baptise. just what ever i decide i will be hounded by the elders and CO.

  XOCO
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  rache31

  XOCO, I just wanted to say you'll be alright. I know that someone who cares so much about their mothers' feelings, thinks through things carefully. You will be guided to the right path. You will find your strength and your way. Make sure that you have some support, you'd be surprised how much you can miss the sense of community. Even though the friendships may be superficial or people may not really be interested enough to REALLY get to know you. I have learned that this is typical in cults or cultlike organizations. And you have been around it for awhile so you have to build yourself up. Keep your head up, baby!