Am I being Horrible?

LouBelle

Right so it's time to buy christmas gifts and the like - which is great - I do love giving. Now I don't usually give to get back.....but some of my so called mates just seem to like taking and taking....

This one guy - I'm mates with his sister and we have gotten to know each other and I'd say we have become friends - When it was his birthday (my first invite) I got him a really unique quirky gift, then came christmas and I got him 2 gifts and added a fun aspect to it, his birthday rolled around again this year and I got him another nice gift.

Me: I got a card for chrismtas and he went halvies on a cheap book with his sister for my birthday. SO this year I'm not getting him anything, his sister comes to me and asks if I'm getting anything for him, so I said no - he'll be getting a card from me, she looked a lil stunned.

I do feel a lil bad but I'm tired of always giving and giving and giving and giving - hell he even forgot about my christmas party this weekend. I kinda feel that I'm more of a friend to him than he is to me.

katiekitten

Thats not being horrible at all.

As I keep reminding my partner - I havent had to celebrate christmas for 30 years, do you think im gonna start celebrating and do the bits I dont like? No way! I cherry pick the bits I like and screw the 'obligatory presents'.

And as I keep reminding my daughter - I dont know what the rules of christmas are so I can do what I like (this in regard to my 10yr olds surprisingly strict rules about when I can put the tree up and when I have to take it down!)

You do exactly what you like regarding christmas and feel no guilt - we are FREE! We were told we were free in da troof and we werent, theres no reason we are going to start slavishly following another set of peer pressured rules.

Plus your friend is a tight wad! Send him a recycled christmas card (one of last years with a sheet of white paper glued over the writing).

vitty

I think you can by feeling generous and buying gifts puts some people in a dilema..................maybe they already have a large amount of family and friends that they buy gifts for. Buy giving gifts then expecting one in return, is not what it should be about.

Im having non witness family over for xmas and have said NO PRESENTS. I just dont want it to start, worrying and looking for gifts to me is painful, id rather give something that catches my eye and I think they will enjoy, rather than HAVE to give at a particular time (children excepted)

Saying that I will be buying my DH a gift...............but everyone else NO !!

But then again maybe im horrible too

Dansk

((((((((Louise)))))))

I do feel a lil bad but I'm tired of always giving and giving and giving and giving - hell he even forgot about my christmas party this weekend. I kinda feel that I'm more of a friend to him than he is to me.

Some people, because of their kindness, are taken advantage of. You're one of them! Dig your heels in and be kind to everyone else. He may learn the lesson - or he may be too arrogant or stupid. The choice is his.

Ian

Sad emo

Basically what kk said - and in a way you answered your own question too. You don't give in order to get back, you give because you want to. So this year, if you don't feel inclined to give a gift, just don't. AND (!!!!!) if it turns out he buys you something, don't feel guilty about not getting him anything! There shouldn't be any obligation felt on either the giver or recipients part.

katiekitten

Im having non witness family over for xmas and have said NO PRESENTS. I just dont want it to start, worrying and looking for gifts to me is painful, id rather give something that catches my eye and I think they will enjoy, rather than HAVE to give at a particular time (children excepted)
Saying that I will be buying my DH a gift...............but everyone else NO !!
But then again maybe im horrible too

No no, I agree - it does become a real problem having to think of gifts.

I love christmas because I have the money to fund it in the way I like, but even with the finances it has become impossible for me to think of gifts that dont just clutter the house up with more and more things.

I havent been able to think of anything to buy my partner this year. Ive bought him an ethical gift (the cost of a midwife for 10 ladies in a 3rd world country! - done off the back of his total awe of me having a baby this year) but I cant think of anything to get him.

Witness 007

Lou, if you become just a little selfish you may find people will notice...if they ask why explain, otherwise do as they do. I found with "Witness" friends, inviting them over many times to dinner parties was NEVER returned to me or my wife so I just gave up. If they want selfish I'll show them whose king!!

tijkmo

wow imagine if you were still a jw

and they celebrated birthdays and christmas

talk about everlasting

aquagirl

you are not being horrible..even now,that i am not a jw,i dont really like christmas..i dont like the idea of a corporation telling me that i HAVE to buy gifts any more than i liked the opposite..i present my friends w/fabulous gifts often.usualy when they least expect it..i LOVE giving gifts,but really ,truly hate christmas...and its got nothing to do w.the jws,cause i loathe them even more..why give up one set of cahins for another?and really,does ANYBODY like christmas music 24/7 from halloween till dec 25th?REALLY??????..

aquagirl

incidently,my sisters family,{devout jws} have "present day"..a day that they rabidly exchange presents,a day or two after christmas..is that hypocritical? or what?

Am I being Horrible?

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