by HereNorThere 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
Hi,
I am trying to help my sibling who is a JW trying to get out, living in a loveless, unsatisfactory marriage.
Her husband makes and expects her to perform oral sex on him everyday and makes her feel bad if she doesn't.
He won't return the favor nor has any desire to please her back.
Is not, oral sex in this religion regarded as unclean ? Or is it allowed?
I hope someone has some input on this, as this may be something to help her get out of the marriage ....
She just needs to tell him that he is a selfish pig and tell him no.
She just needs to tell him that he is a selfish pig and tell him no.
LOL. You go girl!!!
Even a sister doesn't have to submit to being forced to perform any type of sex. Oral sex is not fun for a person who is not in love and is being made to do it and feel dirty about it.
It sounds like the religion is not the issue here anyway. Your sister is in an abusive relationship if her husband is forcing any kind of sex on her , normal sexual relations or oral sexual relations. She needs to speak to him about her dislike of it , tell him to get counseling , and if he still insists on abusively forcing himself on her , might be time to leave the relationship. Whether the witnesses approve of it or not, is really a non-issue ! None of their damned business. Sounds like your sister and husband need a good marriage counselor . So, that's my take. Welcome to the board ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
Thanks for your replies so far.
I just wanted to know if she has grounds to report him to the elders, because I am unsure of the religious beliefs as far as "unclean acts" are.
Thank you for the welcome as well!!
HERE or THERE- If she wants to report him to the elders , I guess she really does want the marriage to end. I think the main question is What reason would you want to drag the elders into it anyway ? It will just cause more stress . God doesn't mind if she or her husband perform oral on each other ! He has bigger fish to fry and more important thing to occupy His time with. As I stated before, it really is none of the elders business what your sister and hubby do in their private bedroom . I stiil would advise professional marriage counseling. The elders in Jehovah's Witnesses are not qualified to even give sexual counsel to people as their organization is full of child molesters who they let continue abusing children in their church. Now, tell me, your sister wants advice from elders who allow child abuse to go on in the witness organization ? Go to a marriage counselor
I am about to hazzard a guess! I don't know the guy so I could be talking outa my rear. From what you say I think they may be different personality types. One a giver the other a taker at an intimate/emotional level! I've seen this and experienced it and feel it is unchanged by a persons belief. Being a JW makes no difference whatsoever!! Religion aside though and for her as an individual, it's more about whether she feels loved by him and feels valued by him and feels included in his life and his thoughts. If she doesn't then it will erode her self esteem and self worth till she craves it from anyone who shows it, but meantime will have difficulty feeling happy, on a personal level, about anything. And a person who is a taker will keep doing so until one is completely spent inside ones soul. But the religion will stop her! If she believes it she will stop herself to the point of extreme personal unhappiness. IMO if a human isn't happy a change is due sooner rather than later. If it's a straightforward problem he has with a womans privates in his face then I don't know what advice to give apart from ask him how he'd feel if the same was said to him - one rule for one. I never really understand people like that so I can't really say how he'd ever change!
This is a major issue within the Witless religion. No, not just the oral sex. People are trapped in loveless marriages by their ridiculous rules about divorce. To top that off, the religion is responsible for creating those loveless marriages by imposing stagnation on couples. They are not allowed to experiment with different sexual techniques without having Brother Hounder barging. Most of their lives are spent doing something that most people do not like doing (and I have seen how people grudgingly straggle in for morning field circus with my own two eyes, even among people that claim to love the misery).
It is that easy to create loveless marriages. Assuming it starts out with all the love, you simply impose stagnation on the couple. Make them do the same old boring thing day in and day out, year after year. Impose so many rules on them that their lives are following The Track. It is only a matter of time before they will get bored with each other, and soon the love will die out. The verbal abuse starts, often followed by the physical abuse. Adding a little (or a lot) of stress to the mix will speed up the process of generating the abuse. Then, impose harsh sanctions if they ever do get divorced (such as not being able to remarry without dying at Armageddon). That will ensure the couple is trapped. More abuse is likely to follow.
With this kind of setup, any sex within that marriage is going to be repugnant. It will be seen as a chore, almost like going to the dentist. The result they are hoping for is that the couple will then be totally devoted to the field misery, since they have lost any passion for each other. To do that is absolutely the worst thing one can do, if for no other reason than it rewards the Watchtower Society for putting people through such crap.
There is, however, a way out. The Witless will get disfellowshipped in the process, and probably threatened with everlasting destruction (which would be better than living forever in such a loveless marriage with stagnation). Committing an act of adultery will allow the person that is trapped a way out of the marriage. If the couple gets a legal divorce and then the individuals remarry without permission from the Watchtower Society, they will be treated as adulterers and disfellowshipped accordingly. At least the new couple will be free from Watchtower rules.
Ideally, the perfect solution would be to remove the stagnation at the source. Each person should find out what they love to do more than anything else. If they can do that and arrange circumstances to allow them to spend all their time doing that, they will be happier. That something will be different for each person, and will require much experimentation to find. But, if you are doing what you most love to do, it will seem like play and time will seem to go by faster. And, if the spouse gets into something compatible, and work together on that, chances are that the abuse will stop and the love will come back. Otherwise, it is better to just get a legal divorce and start from scratch. Either way, you will have the chance to lose the stagnation trap.
Note: That something you love more than anything else is probably not knocking on people's doors and preaching the Watchtower message, no matter how much you insist it is. The message has been dumbed down, the work so simplified, that it is guaranteed to be a stagnation trap. In the general workplace, 99.9% of all people are mismatched. In the field misery, it is probably closer to 99.9999%. The sooner you realize that going out in field circus is not your deepest essence and quit doing it, the better off you are going to be. Then find out what you most enjoy doing, and start doing that. Whether the spouse is compatible with that or not, whether the marriage can be revitalized or not (and not just saved), the appropriate action will result in more happiness.
And then, once you find the perfect marriage mate (or if you do revitalize the original marriage, which there is less than a 50% chance that it will work), oral sex should once again be enjoyable. When the ideal conditions of love and stimulation exist, oral sex should not have to be forced but will be done and enjoyed without any force.
One thing I learned long ago is that sex is mutual but it's also a sacrifice. The needs of the other out weigh your own. If the other is satisfied then you can and will be satisfied.
