So, I ran into an Elder at supper the other night........

by WingCommander 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  WingCommander

  **NOTE: I was never baptized, only raised as a JW from birth. I am therefor not DF'd, DA'd, or marked. Probably viewed as inactive though.***

  He was the same Elder that had given my mother's memorial talk over 6 months ago. I've been around him off an on my entire life, since birth. He is a nice gentleman and he gave a very LIBERAL JW talk about my mother's service. Didn't ram JW beliefs down anyones throat at all, just merely brushed up on my mother's belief that the dead are asleep and awaiting resurrection. Gave a few supporting scriptures, and didn't even invite the crowd of mainly worldly friends/co-workers to the KH at all. Like I said, very liberal service as far as JW standards go. So, I have to say that I like this Elder, deluded as they are.

  Anyway, my wife, son, and myself went to a nearby diner to have supper the other night. It wasn't crowded, but upon entering I immediately saw this Elder and his wife. A sense of uncomfortable came over me hoping that the hostess would not seat us near them; but of course, she sat us directly beside them at the next table. Of course they saw me and I extended my hand and shock both of theirs. As my wife and I had been talking, I didn't make small talk with them. They were eating as well. As we were finishing eating, they got up to leave and pay their cheque, and happened to stop right by us and start a brief converstation. I initially thought that he was going to ask me how I and my young son were coping, if there was anything else they could do, or to thank me for the gift of $75.00 I gave him for my mom's service talk. Nope. He merely asked if I had all my mother's affairs all straightened up. When I confirmed that I did, they gingerly said their good-byes. I found it very awkward, as anytime I have seen my mother's coworkers and old "worldy" friends, they have all conveyed their sadness, personal experiences, etc to me. But not these JW's who had known my mother and father since their indoctrination in the 70's. They merely asked about my mother's estate and left. I was quite frankly floored, and my wife looked at me oddly, knowing of course they were JW's.

  After they left the diner, I conveyed my dismay to her. I very frankly pointed out how I couldn't believe I once acted in much the same manner, and that I thought that while they were nice to me, they were totally socially retarded when it came to dealing with people on a personal, individual situation. If it isn't about presenting magazines and their view of the Bible, then they have nothing in their brains to talk about, and they couldn't care less about you or your problems. The whole situation was appalling, and reminded me once again that I don't think I can ever go back.

  I'm sure many of you have similar stories to share. Fire away!

  Regards,

  Wing Commander
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  MadTiger

  Don't take this the wrong way, but you were right, and he was right:
  
  you don't have as much in common as it seems. Your mother's connection to the organization was it. He should have thanked you for the honorarium, however. That was tacky of him.
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  drew sagan

  Quite bizarre.
  
  From what I have noticed JWs are pretty down on brining up such things. The magazines always condemn people who can't "get over and move on" after the death of a loved one. So while what he brought up may have seemed rather cold, I would think it is just the result of him feeling he could really only talk about "practical" things, because anything more would show a lack of spirituality.
  
  That's one possibility anyway.
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  rache31

  I know what you're talking about. I used to notice it even while I was active. Why can't people think of something to say besides offering literature and recounting points from a talk. Its the way we were trained. And some people are already socially challenged before they join the JWs, imagine what number they do on you afterwards. My father died four years ago. Not only did people not know what to say, some just stated their beliefs like I was somebody at the door in service. Hello? I already know what you believe. Then, when I started talking about him and crying they were uncomfortable. To my surprise, I found out a few days later that I was pregnant. I told someone that I felt sad because my father was going to miss seeing me have my first child. They quoted some scriptures about the resurrection and I thought about how my non-JW family must have felt. This is what happened to them everytime they lost a witness relative in death. They'd come to the hall and hear a lot of general info. No personal feeling and sympathy, just talking about beliefs.
• 

  AWAKE&WATCHING

  The whole situation was appalling, and reminded me once again that I don't think I can ever go back.

  Are you thinking of going back?

  My condolences,btw, on the loss of your mom.
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  Justitia Themis

  I suspect he was being even less genuine that you think. By asking if your mother's affairs had been straightened out, he was most likely trying to ascertain if she had left anything to the congregation in her will.

  Justitia
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  Wordly Andre

  It may have been his way of kind of asking if your mom left the JW's any money from her estate.
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  worldtraveller

  Hello WG. Your writing gives me a sense that you were nervous about the meeting. I believe that is caused by a feeling that you did something wrong. You have done nothing wrong, and you need to assure yourself. You need to boost your confidence, and you will with some help here and around. Good luck.
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  hamsterbait

  They don't care.

  I was at a witless dinner, and was still upset about a colleague who was crushed in her car by a tanker. The day before.

  She was expecting their first baby, which they though would never be.

  After I told this, the first thing said was "are the potatoes ready yet?" The End.

  HB
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  myababes

  When my dad died a few years ago the elders came round the same day. My dad had been disfellowshipped for about 6 months for smoking but had been reinstated about 4 months before he died. Two things the elder said has always stuck in my mind as unforgivable. The first was that my dad probably would still be alive if he hadn't been smoking(he died of lung and liver cancer) and the second was that it was a good job that he had been reinstated before he died or "they" wouldn't have been able to do the funeral or have the sevice in the kingdom hall. That was said to me over 20 years ago when I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd child and I have never ever been able to forget what he said or forgive him.