I think I am an Atheist (current JW)

Robert7

I am writing this group to discuss a topic that as you can imagine I really cannot discuss with too many people, at least as of now. I am a married male JW, married to a another JW, and she's content with being a Witness, and in fact, I don't want to change that if she's happy.

For a very brief history, I was baptized at 19, and have been a JW for 10 years. Fact is, I 'believed' in everything in as much as a lot of it 'made sense' and I was wrapped up in the whole thing. Over the years though, I slowly have been falling away to where I really feel Atheist. Here are some of the major reasons (that are in addition to the more 'obvious' ones that most people complain about):

- I NEVER believed in the whole story around 1914 and the brothers being imprisoned, and how that was part of bible prophesy. This also includes the related stories in that timeframe. Just always sounded so reverse-engineered to make it sound like the WTS is the real deal. I actually have a hard time with this, because this is a 'core' doctrine.

- Meetings had so much fluff, that I can't stand going to them. Same old thing being repeated and we have to EVERY TIME act as if it's the first time I heard it. Then there's meetings about meetings that kill me.

- SO much pressure on preaching. You are evil if you don't preach. I enjoyed it in the early years, but can't stand it now. I only do the minimal to stay 'active' and to keep my wife happy.

- So much pressure to go to meetings. 3 days a week. That's a lot of time and you really don't learn all that much. It just takes away my personal time, and it drives me nuts. I rarely go to book study, so it's lesser of an issue.

- I am having a hard time believing that the JWs are 'The Truth' and the only truth. They are good people doing nothing wrong, and are trying to do the right thing, but just doesn't make sense.

- I hate how much downplay there is to everything in this system. (although I do agree a lot of things are messed up) They have you believe that everything here and now sucks and we can't wait for the new system. Don't go to college, it's a waste of time, focus on the new system. I never felt that either. I went to college and have a good career allowing me to live a good lifestyle without struggling.

- I never had a 'love for God', you can say I really don't believe in a God. I never felt any emotion that there is a God. God and religion seem to just be a good way to explain the unexplainable and keep people under control. I swear I hate when people attribute just good timing or coincidence to God. Every faith in the world who has good luck says it's God's blessing.

- Along with the comment above, I really don't believe in Religion anymore in general. It's there to fill some void people have always had to explain things and to keep others in control.

The problem with just being an Atheist (and stop being a JW) is probably the same as many. I have a wife and kids whom I don't want to disappoint. I have parents who will be disappointed, plus I truly would feel awkard with the family members I fought against who shunned me becoming a Witness. Then there's the social aspect. I have many good friends in the Congregation (and they truly are good people) and I don't want to be shunned.

However, I cannot fake it. I think I am an Atheist, and I cannot fake being a Witness, and this has been really hard. I don't want to disassociate myself from the congregation (I will not be writing any letters), I just don't want to go to meetings, and I don't want to go out preaching.

Does anyone have any suggestions, comments, or experiences that could help? Thanks so much.

Superfine Apostate

apart from the kids, i pretty much share(d) your situation. my strategy was the fade - although one day you wont get around confessing to your wife, which is the hardest part of the story. prove to your wife that you're even a better husband without the watchtower and she'll eventually get over it.

sooner7nc

The pressure that will be released from telling her will make you a much better person. No more living the lie.

journey-on

Welcome, Robert. I faded years ago. That's what worked for me. Also, as I have grown in age and "wisdom", I have found that it is not always necessary to expose one's spiritual beliefs. Just because you feel you don't believe in God anymore, does not mean you are required to state it out loud. Keep it to yourself and slowly fade out. That's my advice. When you need to talk about it, come here to JWD. I am not an atheist and never will be because I've experienced things that won't allow me to fit into that slot. But there are many atheists here at JWD and the debate gets interesting at times. So, stick around.

AlmostAtheist

>>I just don't want to go to meetings, and I don't want to go out preaching.

MANY jw's don't go to meetings, claiming depression or illness or whatever. Or claiming they were "stumbled" by one thing or another. How many of them are in your position and are just using that as an excuse? Can you do the same?

Welcome to JWD, I hope you find help here. I'm sure you will.

Dave

Armageddon Dad

Gosh, I really feel for you. This is going to be very difficult. Is your wife and kids really into this? What I am worried about is if they too into it they are going to shun you.

Or it could be that all your family feel the same about this as you, the question is how do you find out without arousing suspicion or them answering in a way to please you thinking that you are dedicated and so should they be.

Would going away for a long holiday somewhere as a family together help to ease the grip of the KH on your family?

NewYork44M

Seperating the wt beliefs and beliefs iin god are difficult. I believed in god while I was a witness. I am no longer a witness and I don't have the energy to believe in god any longer.

Armageddon Dad

Also there is such thing as being Agnostic. It means you don't believe or disbelieve. Would that help rather than saying Atheist?

Robert7

Hello and thanks for your comments so far. Just to clarify (I skipped this important fact), my wife and I had a heart to hear talk, and actually guess that I am basically an Atheist. She can see by my actions, plus she knows me well :) However, I have never discussed the fact that I want to stop going to meetings.

Problem is, it's one thing to know that (because there is still hope), and another to take that next step and stop going to meetings. Her knowing already how I feel helps, but it will still be difficult.

Gopher

Robert,

Welcome to the board and always feel free to come here for support. You're in a tough spot, and I wish you the best.

I don't have any personal experience to share other than that my spiritual journey has led me to atheism too. It's sometimes hard to accept that label, because in our culture atheists have been ridiculed as amoral/immoral, haters of God, unreasonable, etc. But in reality we are none of those things, instead we simply don't see enough evidence for a personal God. Or look at it this way: Christians have certain reasons they don't believe in the millions of Gods of Hinduism, or in the nature/spirit gods of Indigenous/Native Americans -- so they are atheistic in respect to those gods. So you and I may be atheistic in respect to the Christian god for the very same reason, we simply believe in one less god than do Christians.

I agree with an earlier poster who urged caution in revealing your views. Just be a good, loving person and that will be the best way to show that you don't have to be a JW to be a good, principled man.

I think I am an Atheist (current JW)

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