I'm going to be a father

coolhandluke

No. Not like that. I'm going to be a father of a 15 year old boy. My nephew. There is no human that means more to me than him. His mother is in a downward spiral of self pity, entitlement and self inflicted damage. He has needs that no one can facilitate. I am the best equipped to care for him and I am scared shitless. My life is just begining to find its equilibrium. But to deny this need would be a selfishness that I'd spend the rest of my life regretting.

I have some ground rules that will need to be followed but I think I'm going to take this on. He needs me and I love him as much as I'd love one of my own children perhaps more. The plan is to go to New York to get him over spring break, bring him here and find out if he likes it. If he does, then I'll ship his things out and we'll start. So many things to consider - medical, school, shoes, clothes, activities, friends, girls, masterbation, sex, haircuts, shaving, seperation anxiety from his bi-polar, codependant mother, seperation from his sisters, his mother wanting him to attend meetings. The list goes on. My stomach is in knots about it but I'm fucking excited. Sorry, I have a kid now, 'freaking excited'.

shell69

Cool

as a mother of 4, just be open, honest and accepting of all the things that will be taking place during his assention to adulthood.

Accept, him, correct him firmly but without insults when he messes up.... (they all do), and allow them to be

THEMSELVES ( and don't forget, if you get stuck, we're al here to offer advice)

best of wishes

Shell69

free2think

That is so cool of you CHL, he must be so glad he has you in his life.

restrangled

CHL.....You know what, if you love that boy it will all work out. Kudos to you for taking on the responsibility.

Yes you need ground rules, but all the other stuff you are worrying about will work it self out.

Take care and let us know how you do. Most kids thrive in a loving atmosphere which you seem to be offering. Don't freak out, just keep thinking about how much you love this boy.

r.

changeling

I am excited for you!

The depth of feeling you have described tells me that you are going to be an awesome dad!

Go with your gut,

changeling

nomoreguilt

Above all things...BE POSITIVE! Do not try to re-create the person, he has already been there, done that and got the battle damage and TEE shirt to prove it. lead by example, not by thought or word. If you can be a positive role model, time will only tell. You can't BUY love, you have to earn RESPECT. The only thing you can do is redirect his attention away from the negative impacts in his life and try and place his focus on the positive things that you have accomplished in yours. You are going to be his LIFE! Don't denigrate his mother, he already knows her. Just love him and cherish the opportunities you have with HIM. It's all about HIM in your life now friend.

nomoreguilt

coolhandluke

really good advice. i appreciate it. im going to save this thread to look back on. fwiw i love his mom. i love her a lot. she just has problems and needs help. i think therapy will be another thing to set up for him just so he has an outlet as he tends to internalize.

AudeSapere

Congratulations. It'll be a LOT of work but I'm pretty confident that you will do just great.

therapy will be another thing to set up for him just so he has an outlet as he tends to internalize.

Be open to it for yourself, too. A therapist can help you both develop and grow well.

Congrats again!

-Denise.

Pioneer Spit...oh, i mean Spirit

D-

You rock!

RisingEagle

This is the coolest thing I've read today. You're a good man to take on this responsibility. I don't have any advice for you because the two times I've taken on kids they've been the other gender and much younger.

I wish you both the best!

I'm going to be a father

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