If there is a list like that
Let me know.
xjwms
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is there a "disfellowshipped list"?
by ruined 25 Replies latest jw experiences
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jgnat
Welcome, ruined.
i'd like for those family members who DON'T currently speak to me to know that i'm not DF'd because i'm thinking that they think i am DF'd.
Heck, you don't have to be DF'd for some people to be rude and ignore you. As others have pointed out, all someone has to do is consider you "bad association". EVEN IF YOU HAD a gold-proof certificate that you are a Witness in good standing, some people would be aloof. I say, let them go.
and perhaps i am but i'd like to know for sure.
One way you could know for sure is to go to a meeting at your old hall and ask one of the elders afterwards if you could discuss reinstatement. Ask him right out if they still have your card. If you are still on the "books", you'll find out. If not, you then have the problem of shaking off a curious elder. I figure if they ask you if you have done anything to be DF'd it might be all right to say they happened a long time ago and you'd rather not talk about it.
But you don't really want to bring that much attention on yourself, do you?
so do you think there is a list or some way i could find out without drawing attention to it?
I am positive there is a list in Brooklyn. Not that they'd ever reveal that to you.
Nope, I can't think of any way of finding out without drawing attention to yourself.
The best advice, as others have said, is enjoy the association you do have and ignore the rest.
You might have a bit of fun with those stuffed shirts. Try some reverse shunning. Tell your family that those shunners are themselves bad association.
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Quentin
I think twenty-five, thirty years ago you could have point blank asked that question, possably at a meeting, walked out and continued to be left alone.
Not today. You show up asking questions and they'll set the goon squad on your trail. I'll say what others have said, no need to draw attention to yourself. You have successfuly faded away. Something many, many posters here are unable to do. You rock the boat it might turn over on you.
As to wt records they have everybodies name and status on file. Keep your playing field level. You are one of the foreunate ones....
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dogon
As far as it used to be you could not be DFed unless you were notified that there was a judicial com. you needed to attend. If no one ever contacted you I doubt you were DFed. Some over zelous elder could say you did not show up and df you with you not not knowing about it but very doubtfull.
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ruined
wow... i hadn't checked in for a couple (or few) days and was pleasantly surprised by all the replies i got! thank you so much everyone.
the side of my family that DOES speak to/associate with me told me the same thing... that someone would've had to contact me to let me know at the time i was df'd, if indeed i had been df'd.
i've been thinking too much like a pp said and i think that the one person on the other side of my family that does not associate with me AT ALL might "blame" me for her previous (like 20 years ago) very promiscuous behavior. i was totally da'd but in a very stable relationship at the time (my 2nd boyfriend EVER) while she was still attending meetings and by all appearances was a good little JW but was living a double life to the extreme. she was partying a lot and sleeping with lots of men. she even terminated a pregnancy from some guy who ended up in prison. maybe because i was older than her, she thought i should've "stopped her" or advised her not to do those things. at the very least i think i remind her of her bad years.
after a couple of years of that behavior she suddenly met a JW guy, married him, went to bethel and CUT ME OFF COMPLETELY.
we grew up together and were very close up until her "re-association" so i guess that's why it bothers me that i don't have a relationship with her.
thanks all... ruined.
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JWdaughter
Whether or not there is a list, those people could be shunning you simply because they know of your activities over the years that you say would lead to a DF. In which case, they should have spoken to you about it (biblically), especially before spreading around gossip.