Well, it's late. I need to go to sleep, got home from work, but I thought I started a newbie thread why not a thread for those who have been on the board a long time , or for awhile now ? So, lay it on me, what are your concerns for JWD ?
I have a few concerns I feel in which we can improve on this board . One is in welcoming newbies more positively . Most of us went through utter hell getting out of the witness religion . The least we can do is make it a tad bit easier for those getting out and provide a little peace of mind and a soft landing place for them here on the board ! I remember in the late 1990's I was out of the witnesses for 4 years ; got back in briefly for a year and a half then got treated worse than I had while being out ! I asked myself, " Is this what I came back to the organization for ; to get treated like this ? " So, we have all seen how witnesses treat people , hopefully we have learned from that and will continue to cut people some slack- and be kind.
Also I think at times we should realize that although many of us have in common being ex-Jehovah's Witnesses , we still have many differences in family backgrounds , environments we were raised in, different experiences in life we have gone through, some had substance abuse, some were molested, some have chemical depression , I could go on and on. But the point I'm making is at times I see people on the board make all encompassing blanket statements they think should be for all people , and try to paint people with the same brush- no matter what experiences people have been through . Life is not like that- one size does not fit all. I think that all or nothing reasoning comes from having been in a all or nothing cult ( just my opinion). So, those are just a couple things I notice at times I have been wanting to get out.
So- What else do you folks notice ? Are there some things you notice we could do to be proactive in making this board even better, more effiecient than it is ? I welcome any and all comments like always . I'm sure you folks see lots of stuff that could help ! So, bring it on, anything will help ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
You Who Have Been on the Board For Awhile - What Are your Concerns ?
by flipper 176 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
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cognizant dissident
I notice that too, Mr. Flipper.
When I left, I was so frightened I would lose my husband, my family, all my freinds. I am such a relationship oriented person, that I was literally devastated just at the thought of it! I was having nightmares and anxiety attacks over it. The people who welcomed me were few as it was the middle of the night, but still they were supportive! I was already feeling terribly alone. It would have been horrible to have been treated badly here too. It might have made me think, everything said about apostates is true. They are mean, vindictive, bitter people. Instead, what I took away from my experience was, these are warm, friendly caring people who took the time to support me.
Thanks out there to Randy Watters, also, for taking the time to correspond with me by email and direct me here. You have no idea how appreciative I was of that, at the time.
I was also very impressed by the intelligence of some of the posters and the debates going on on theology and science and atheism. I was already leaning towards atheism by my own logic and instincts, but lacked any confidence in defending, but they gave me a sound philosophical and scientific basis from which to reason on. I think the debates are good actually. They keep one sharp and discourage mental laziness and complacency.
However, I am discouraged that many posters still do not seem to be able to have a debate without resorting to name calling, swearing and personal attacks. I think that pushes a few, maybe many, away. Most of us are ex-JW's. Surely, we were all capable of "reasoning" with strangers in a respectful way then. Did we yell and swear and insult householder's out in service? I don't think so! Surely, if we could have decent manners then, when we didn't have a leg to stand on, we could still retain some now?
I would like to see the mods crack down on this more. NOT by locking the threads! That shuts down discussion totally and smacks of censorship to me. Read the threads and sanction the guilty ones for a few days or weeks or months by locking them out. It seems that's the only way some will get the message. I know mods have done this in the past, but I don't think they are doing it often enough or stepping in soon enough. I have seen a few times that if they agree with a poster's view or are friends, they will let it slide, but if they don't agree they will crack down harder. I know we are all human and have our bias but I'm talking about only the most flagrant violations of poster rules, not differences of opinion.
Well, that's my two cents worth.
Cog
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snowbird
I hung around this board for 7 years before I registered. I am shy and retiring by nature, so it took tremendous courage for me to take that first step.
If I had been pounced on or ignored, I don't think I would have ever come back. Instead, I was warmly welcomed and made to feel a part of the board.
I try earnestly to make sure other new ones get the same treatment. It is hard enough to part company with the JW's, so why make it even more difficult for those who come here seeking understanding and companionship?
An especially negative thing I've noticed is that some long-time posters seem to think that the board belongs to them and their little cliquish group. It only requires a little effort on our part to come out of our comfort zone and interact with others - even if we don't necessarily embrace their viewpoint.
Those are the main things that I can think of that need improvement. The positives far outweigh the negatives, else I would have exited stage 3 long ago!
Thank you, Mr Flipper, for an introspective thread. You rock, man!
Peace!
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journey-on
Ever the kitchen psychologist, Flipper! I think you missed your calling. Instead of the owner of a janitorial service, you should have been a psychologist....lol
As diverse as the people are on this board, even hailing from different countries, I'm amazed that it feels so familial. Even when we do have fairly heated arguments,
they are usually resolved within the day. I, myself, just recently allowed some animosity and bias to poke its ugly head out and I reacted to what I perceived as injustice
directed at someone whom I felt did not deserve it by a poster that has a habit of vitriolic statements. I should have bowed out rather than go ahead with my opinion, but
I reacted instead. Chalk it up to being tired and just plain human nature, I guess. I got some good advice and feedback from a "friend" and realize that we all have a tad
of cultural bias. It is nothing to agonize over. It is what it is. This board is truly a study in sociology!
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dinah
Yes, welcoming newbies is a concern for me also. I was welcomed when I first joined. I've noticed many of the newbies say they have lurked here, sometimes for a couple of years before posting. I lurked for a long time also. That may help explain why someone would know the "lingo". Lately I saw someone labeled as a "troll" just for posting a few buzz words that are used around here.
Put yourself back in the place you were when you joined this board. Were you happy and content, or scared, confused and lonely? Realizing your religion has been lying to you is traumatic. We are in a position to help people.
We do have trolls. I would rather be nice to a troll long enough for him to show his true colors, than to be mean to someone who is honestly seeking help and friendship.
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jwfacts
I too would like to see newbies given the benefit of the doubt. It is no big deal if someone is a troll, not too much harm is done. However, when a genuine newbie gets shut down and labelled a troll I worry that some long term damage can be done to them and their journey out of the WTS. It is a difficult time as we all know, and they need every bit of encouragement; not to have reconfirmation that the Watchtower is right that the "world" is an inhospitable place.
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delilah
When I first joined JWD, I had heard about it, but had never lurked...just jumped right in.
I had no idea what a troll was, and I would have been stunned had I been called one, and treated as such. I know I would never have come back, because, I would have felt that everything they say about "apostates" would have been true at that point.
This place is a haven from the WT hell, that we have lived in for years, or perhaps our entire lives. Not everyone's story is going to be boring, like mine, , some are quite adventurous and riveting, to say the least. My point is, that we all have a story to tell, so let's just sit back, and listen, instead of jumping all over a newbie.
We all have a brain, use it to discern what you need to....but,
Give people a chance....if they're not up to snuff, unless they're extorting people, WHO REALLY CARES???? People who live by lies, usually get burned by them too.
I just distance myself from those who are not truthful, and get on with more important matters...having fun, and trying to help others.
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AK - Jeff
Actually, I don't recall my first days here as all that 'warm and fuzzy' to be honest.
In many ways, it seems as if I did not receive any sort of 'welcome' at all - but that has been a while ago now, so I may have forgotten how my entrance went here. By the time I found this place, I had been 'out' for about 10 months or so. I still wanted to view Jw's as 'Christian, just confused', could not use the word cult in description of the religion, and was looking to confirm over and over again that I had figured it out.
I think people come to this board in all frames of mind. Many, like me, are already settled with the knowledge that it is not the 'truth', and certainly don't expect to find religion here - another love-bombing of sorts. While I acknowledge the need to give them a soft landing, I also recognise that most Jw's believe 'apostates' to be 'tricky and deceptive' and salesmen of a different sort of 'truth'. Had my first posts been met with a love bombing, I might have run for the hills, never to return. If I had wanted to find a nice group of religious kindness and honey, I would have gone to any of a billion Christian sites for that.
What I wanted was facts, confirmation, and friendship with others who understood my perspective. I did not expect to be treated rudely, but sickening sweet would have turned me off. I wanted to be treated like an adult, welcomed like a member of a group, but not fawned over as if I was the only Jw who ever exited the cult. I have recently seen threads in which newbies have been welcomed with 10, 12, or 20 pages of welcomes, in-fighting, accusations, and hidden agendas.
I believe that part of what has happened is that the board has many mature members now. Some are unable to recall the fear associated with leaving, others have become totally paranoid about newcomers. Having been here a while, I am finding that when I look at the active threads, nothing seems to be of much interest - it is a rehash of things already discussed a thousand times for me. But I am interested in newbies, so on those threads I often click. Honestly, if someone just posts here, why would we want to overload them with every possible doctrinal problem, fight between ourselves, and accuse them of being a 'troll' before we get to know them.
Trolls will post here. We know that. Time will show that. How about a simple hello? Let them absorb the welcome and then tell us about themselves? As far as the mods getting involved - why? This is a discussion board. Ten thousand opinions come together here. This is not a fraternity of the sort where people have to be in agreement totally. Anger will flair at times. Tongues will lash at times. People will be out of line at times and make up other times. But newbie threads is not the place for that, I agree. But to have the mods monitor whether or not the 'love level' is correct and ban or punish those who don't show love to the new posters? I don't see that. This is not the Kingdom Hall, and the mods are not elders in charge of making sure that no one gets out of line.
Just my POV.
Jeff
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JAVA
As can be seen from the start date, I'm one of the old timers (in more ways than one). Forums like this take on a personally of their own as more and more folks join, and others leave. I think it's always wise to error with kindness than jump on a new poster when they express something positive about the Tower. However, when a new member shows little regard for others my kindness flash-point melts quickly. Yeah, some of the older posters seem to forget when it was like in the beginning, but many don't. All in all, this is a very good group with many helpful people willing to share.
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cognizant dissident
Yeah, I agree, mods shouldn't get involved in disputes. They should just take note of who is breaking the forum guidelines on swearing and using hate speech and then prevent them from posting until they get the message.