NEVER get gifts from my hubby!!

by newly unsure 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    I might feel sorry for you, but I just had my 25th anniversary yesterday, and my husband got me nothing! Not a card, not a flower, nada! He did buy a little bottle of champagne but that was mostly for him I think, since he drank most of it! I did buy him a present and one for my son.

    We were one of those JW family's who made our anniversary "family present day" and I always planned some activity, so it's not like he doesn't know the drill." My parents also wanted to throw us a party and he said he didn't want to go. It caused a huge stink in my family and my parents ended up interrogating me about my marriage, thinking we were splitting up.

    So after the party was nixed, I thought, I am fed up with being the one who puts all the effort into the relationship. I'm not planning anything. I did buy him a present though, because to me, a little token of all of our years together is not too much too expect. Oops, I'm sorry, apparently it is. I thought about being "hurt" but to tell you the truth,this is not the first time he has just not bothered to get me something. It's been very hit or miss. In the past, I was very hurt. No matter how much we might have been fighting, I still got him an anniversary gift. To me it was my way of re-connecting and reaffirming my commitment to our family. This year, I didn't act hurt or say a word. I shrugged, and said to myself, whatever! I consider it symptomatic of the relationship as a whole. He is just not willing to put forth any effort in any other area either. So, now I am thinking, why should I bother. Can't run a one man show forever, can you?

    Cog (OK, I'm feeling slightly sorry for myself)

  • DJK
    DJK

    Give him a blanket for your anniversary. If he wonders why, tell him its because he'll be sleeping in the car if he comes home empty handed.

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    LOL DJK. Was that for me or newlyunsure?

    Cog

  • Tara
    Tara

    LOL at DJK. Good one!

    Ladies, that sucks that your husband's can't be bothered to get you a present on your anniversaries. I would be hurt, too.

  • nomoreguilt
    nomoreguilt

    Aniversaries are a very special thing to me. In times gone by with my ex and our kids we always had FAMILY DAY to celebrate our aniversary. It also kinda made up for the no Xmas thing. Now with my new bride, our aniversary is even more special. We are truly in love with each other, 4 years now and still going strong. I have noticed that there are many men who really just don't care. They have no emotional attachment to anything.

    For the ladies here that are in that situation, there is really no amount of reminding them or sucking up that will ever overcome their emotional make-up.Here-in lies the danger. Many women and men, will seek out another person who will fill that void. Everyone needs a little emotional stroking for sure, but what eventually happens is the neglected mate WILL cross the line and get a little more than just stroking. Sad, yes. Avoidable, yes. Unless of course the non-attached mate doesn't wake up. Each person's circumstance is differant, and the only way to overcome the detachment is to TALK. But, there most probably hasn't been much talking for some time anyways. After time, people begin to go their own way, and eventually end up getting divorced. A sad eventuality.

    NMG

  • nomoreguilt
    nomoreguilt

    (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Newly Unsure )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    WELCOME

    nmg

  • cognizant dissident
    cognizant dissident

    I tried for a few years, to do what newly unsure and Aude Speare's mom did, which is tell him what I wanted. That gave me something nice to show the friends who asked, but really it didn't make any difference to me. That is like picking out your own present and just asking him to go to the store and pick it up for you. It didn't mean anything to me. For me it is not in the present, or how much it cost. I don't care very much about material things. The present for me would be that he took the time to pick something out or even make something and that he had put some thought and effort into it.

    A couple of years ago, he did ask me what I wanted for our anniversary. It fell on a Sunday, and I said, skip the meeting for once and go out to brunch with me and our son. See how easy I am to please? You would not believe the fight he put up over that. He finally gave in, but it was so co-erced that I didn't really get any pleasure out of it.

    I know he would go along with whatever I planned because he is quite passive. He takes no responsibility for the relationship at all. He probably would have gone to the family party if I insisted, moaning and groaning the whole way. I just don't want to do it anymore. Insist he pretend if he really doesn't give a damn. A gift demanded is not really a gift at all in my opinion.

    Anyone else feel the same?

    Cog

  • DJK
    DJK

    LOL DJK. Was that for me or newlyunsure?

    Cog

    LOL. That's for all the ladies who may have this problem. I can't defend a guy who time after time does nothing for his wife on a special occasion, all the while knowing from previous experience how important it is to her. Give him the blanket in the morning and send him off for the day. When he comes home, have his anniversary gift waiting.

  • babygirl75
    babygirl75

    Welcome Newly Unsure.....

    That was a great suggestion DJK!!

    It's not all men, some just need a little help in this area. I always let my husband know what items I would like to have, and I've always been surpised that he actually remembered items that I myself forgot about! Men aren't mind readers and can't read between any lines! You have to just tell them!!

    babygirl...

  • babygirl75
    babygirl75

    By the way....

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!

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