Kids First? "I Believe that Children are the Future"....

by SixofNine 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  BurnTheShips

  My own parents loved me and raised me as best they knew how. Perfect they were not. But I know they tried. They are good and decent human beings. And I know they sacrificed for me. I have resented some aspects of my own upbringing, but life is not perfect.

  Often, "worldly" parents act accordingly, and their children thrive because of the life choices (often real sacrifices) the parents make.

  The problem is not that worldy parents care more about their children (they run the gamut of course just as JW parents do) but that the JW perspective is not in synch with reality. JW parents make choices for their children that are not in their long term best interest. Examples that come to my mind (from personal experience) include lack of participation in extracurricular activities, poor socialization with peers (JWs are social outsiders-we are no part of this world), a too narrow educational focus (Watchtower uber alles), excessive time spent on JW activities (especially true if your father is an elder) rather than with the family, an eschewing of proper preparation for adult life because the world is ending tommorrow etc.
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  kitten whiskers

  I think you have a valid point too. I will say however, that with the generation change, I think more of the young parents are concerned with their children's education. At least we were. We wanted our kids to have it better than we did and get to go to college. We didn't want them to face the hardships we faced for the lack of a good education. But there are always the fanatics.

  As I grew up, the direction from the Society was to dedicate all our resources to the ministry and kingdom and forego having children in this system. I could never buy that. I always wanted children. Thank God I followed my heart! I made sure I found someone who wanted them too! I was not up for living at Bethel or any such sacrifice of my natural desires. I feel for those who put off their hearts longing for children and are now in a position where it is no longer possible. The Society has robbed many of their most treasured wish.
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  SixofNine

  Quote: Myself & many of of my peers at the hall used to miss school on a regular basis for instance, due to meetings and field service as these were considered more important than the child's education. I can't begin to count the number of times I had to wait for a new pair of school shoes (or another essential) because my JW mother didn't have the money on account of an assembley or "special need" at the hall and the money had to go there instead.

  Yeah, this is sort of what I was thinking about; it's not as if those witness parents were thinking "wow, my child might possibly save a life today, if I keep him/her out of school". At best they are thinking "this is how I can get my kid thru armaggedon", but how sick is that? No thought of the real future for the child: school, college, career, relationships (or lack therof those things); y'know.... life.
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  SixofNine

  Quote:

  Even when we did something "wrong" according to JW standards, he did not express concern that our behaviour was harmful or self-destructive to us or would harm our futures, he would be outraged because it reflected badly on him as a PO, on the family as a whole in the organization. I am not guessing that this is how he felt. These are his words that he used.

  Exactly. Non JW's can be small, shitty, self-centered parents too, but they don't have Jehovah to hide behind as an excuse for their actions and choices.
  
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  SixofNine

  Would you expect anything less from a religion who's leader's have no experience in raising children? Isn't this the same religion that tells young couples not to have kids, since we are so close to the end? Children are viewed as more of a burden than a blessing, since you won't be able to spend the majority of your time serving the organization.

  Good point about the governing body. Hell, they think they will be able to kick a fifteen year old's ass at football this time next year. Soccer "football" of course, cuz American football is too violent.

  
  You're a single dad, think about how different the choices you make for your child are now, compared to if you where still a witness.
  
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  Gayle

  Absolutely true! Meetings & service, the organization are taught to have priority. Children are expected to be little adults. No missing a meeting for a demanding school homework project. No sport activity could ever bump out a meeting or Saturday morning field service. Children have lots of energy but must sit still for all the meetings, and are suppose to prepare for the meetings too tho most the programs are for the most part extremely boring, not stimulating to children's needs but the kids are never allowed to fall asleep during a meeting. They do have some fun but much more limited. They are trained to be 'different' beyond anything normal. Forget any goal of college. Being a JW is required more than being just a kid. The parents sacrifice but the children must sacrifice more.
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  myababes

  Gayle, I couldn'tagree with you more, you have taken the words out of my mouth.

  When I think of how we made our children do exactly what you described I cringe and I could cry. Threatening them with "Wait till you get home " just because they couldn't sit still or were drawing breaks my heart and the smacks they got just to satisfy other people that we were disciplining our children. This is the one thing I really hate, the kind of people it made us. And to think they ENCOURAGED smacking children and brainwashed us into thinking it was right, I could scream in frustration.

  I am so lucky that my children have developed into well balanced adults DESPITE this upbringing with whom we have fantastic relationships and don't hold any grudges, realising we were as trapped as they were. This is the comfort I get now when I think about it.
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  serotonin_wraith

  I'm sure there's some 'care' for the children, in the sense that they'd better join in and believe as the parents do, otherwise God's gonna kill them when Armageddon comes. In some minds I expect that passes for 'care'.

  There's no Sunday School with them, which (if i believed in a god and wanted some religion) I think would be a good thing to have. Instead, the kids sit through talks on oral sex, pornography and birds pecking out unbelievers' eyes.

  JW children are made to sit and sparkle in front of others as medals for the parents to show off. Less concern for the kids, more concern about how their behaviour makes the parents look more 'spiritual'.

  There's no choice for the JW child. Do as the parent says, join in with the religion, or suffer the parents' punishment as well as the threat of God's punishment.

  That's why, in any religion, I am sick of people comparing the children to the adults. Let the child decide for themselves, don't be their mould.