Wow, I feel like an impulsive ass...

by Mincan 58 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Mincan

  Okay, so I'm talking to my friend on the phone, and I mention to her that I'm going to be asking my pyshiatrist for Dexedrine next time I see him. (I think I mentioned this intention other times, anyway, Dexedrine is a brand name for the isolated d-isomer of amphetamine, dextroamphetamine, and it is marketed to treat ADHD. It was actually the first such stimulant to be marketed for this purpose, before Ritalin and all the others. Usually now it is prescribed after another prescription fails or presents signs of adverse reaction.)

  She tells me that a friend of her had given her 4 of the 15mg Extended Release brand name Dexedrine Spansules. (Spansules are like little pellets of the stuff incased in a capsule, which is slowly released over the course of 10-18 hours into your body from the intestines.) She said I could have them if I want, she's not going to take them. (She doesn't have ADHD, but other problems-off topic so no need to explain).

  Boy do I jump on that! So I ride over to her house this morning (it was 1:30am when we were talking) I hang out with her for a bit, I smoke a couple cigarettes with her (YUK! I'm not a smoker but I've got ADHD and the nicotine makes me so relaxed and calm I almost pass out lol!) and we talk for a bit. We both met each other in the psych ward and we encourage each other and stuff. She was really glad to hear that I don't consume cannabis anymore (I used her to get many contacts) since being medicated for my ADHD. She couldn't believe it since I was consuming it everyday for so long and she's very happy for me.

  Okay, on reflection, since I'm so calm from the cigarettes, Ritalin, and I took a 5-HTP....

  I didn't even think about getting them off her.... I just impulsively wanted to try them...

  I rode through the pouring rain to get to her house and back again, my coat is soaked and so were my pants....

  Before I left for her house I post on an ADHD forum I'm a member of about this and just asked people a couple last questions about Dexedrine compared to Ritalin... when I get back and log on, I find I have 1 demerit point for an infraction. Posting about ILLEGAL ABUSE OF PRESCRIPTION MEDS.... (they also said should I have an adverse reaction to this medication, I'll have no one to sue. First off, they are thinking of themselves in the US, you can't sue someone here for prescribing you something you asked for... and why would you? There's no need to sue them, if I do have an adverse reaction (which I'm not going to as I have years of experience using these sorts of medications) I will still receive health care from the government anyway, so what am I sueing for? Health care costs, lol, it's free!)

  Wow, I never stopped to think about how what I'm doing would appear to others. I even said on my post that this solves my problems because I don't have to bother asking my psychiatrist to prescribe these to me if I try them (I have 4 so 4 days worth) and find out that the Ritalin does work better for me. If they do work better, then I can tell him that I've tried them before and they work so he'll be more likely to prescribe them without any question...

  I have ADHD-Combined type, which means I have all three hallmark characteristics - Inattention, Hyperactivity, and Impulsivity... yea no kidding... that impulse is going to get me into trouble one day. I never even though about the illegality of the situation simply because A) I have ADHD so that means that these things are therapeutic for me B) I don't abuse the medications, I use them as they are "prescribed" to be used. C) I don't know what about C... D) I'm trying to get better here... you have no idea how patient I've been with the sad excuse called health care in this country... (ask the Flippers...haha)

  What do you all think?
• 

  passive suicide

  Well Mincan..........I have a few things to say. First off....I REALLY feel that ADD, ADHD, ADHDFPCFRT....allllll that bull is a ploy to get creative restless folks such as yourself to become extremley reliant on the pharmaceutical Co's out there.....as well as MASS crowd control on a global scale ie....'don't go thinkin fer yourself there junior, you'll just cause us some trouble. Here, take some of these, and cogitate on why you have this weird behavioral problem...' I sense from your writing that you are really convinced you have a problem. so look up all the side effects on all the meds you are taking......THEN....smoke some weed.....I think the only TRUE side effect will be thirst....so grab a friggin bottled water so as not ta poison yerself....sit back, get high.....and RELAX.....DON'T WORRY...tomarrow you'll be hyper, and full of ideas for change as well.....that shtuff doesn't go away with weed.....it just waits in the wings... STOP trying to have a problem, and go out and be awake.
• 

  Mincan

  First off....I REALLY feel that ADD, ADHD, ADHDFPCFRT....allllll that bull is a ploy to get creative restless folks such as yourself to become extremley reliant on the pharmaceutical Co's out there.....as well as MASS crowd control on a global scale ie....'don't go thinkin fer yourself there junior, you'll just cause us some trouble.

  First off, my creativity isn't stunted by taking prescription medications for ADHD. If anything, I am able to follow through on any particular idea rather than not finish it, or get distracted by another.

  Here, take some of these, and cogitate on why you have this weird behavioral problem...' I sense from your writing that you are really convinced you have a problem

  Wow, it's so great when someone that knows nothing about my life can come in here and tell me that I seem to be really convinced that an untreated condition is a problem for me, as if that's strange. You know, going from a cubicle in the side of the portable to going to the top of the class really is a terrible side effect of these drugs.

  so look up all the side effects on all the meds you are taking.

  Yeah, you mean like improved concentration and focus, higher self-esteem, higher impulse control, improved executive function, motivation to do anything, lower distractibility, less mental clutter, more clarity of mind, relaxed rather than agitated and anxious racing mind at baseline mental state, improved fine motor control, less social anxiety, less depression, more enjoyment out of activities ...etc etc...

  .....THEN....smoke some weed.....I think the only TRUE side effect will be thirst....

  As a long time toker, I'll have to disagree. Fatigue, depression, paranoia, anxiety, no motivation, decreased executive function really aren't all things I don't have enough of at baseline ... it's great for recreation on occasion, but not as a form of self-medication...I've learned(unless they market the isolated cannabinoids...which I think they should look into... without the negative aspects of smoking and others) Why do you think I don't use it anymore? I've found something that doesn't incapacitate me more and that solves the same problems.

  STOP trying to have a problem, and go out and be awake.

  Yes, I love having all my plans go to pot (excuse the pun), not being able to plan ahead, feeling I'd rather be dead, feeling like shit about myself all the time. I think I'll create more problems for myself! I am quite awake infact, this is one of the reasons I'm trying Dexedrine, it isn't supposed to keep me awake as much as Ritalin does.
• 

  jgnat

  Well, because of your self-confessed impulsiveness, perhaps you SHOULDN'T take a new medication from a friend. Better it be prescribed and monitored by a doctor. That's why doctors have prescription forms, and that's why some medications are BEHIND the counter.

  You know, just in case it has some unintended results.

  I am thrilled that you have recognized the benefits of prescription medication, and what it does for you.
• 

  journey-on

  Mincan, I really don't know all that much about all these different medications you take and conditions you have. I've known a couple

  of ADHD kids that were on Ritalin till they were in their mid teens, then got off of it. There was a piece on the news just yesterday about

  all the anti-depressants being prescribed and recent studies showing some may actually be more harmful than helpful.

  I don't know you, what you do for a living, whether you go to college or not, what your hobbies are after work, or anything.

  It seems to me that you are all about your conditions and your medications. Please don't take that as an insult, but just

  an observation. Maybe you are living inside your head too much. Find some balance, son.
• 

  R.Crusoe

  Ooops, I thought you were looking for a dominant female and wondered if you were giving advice.
• 

  BIG D

  I agree with journey on, you from reading your thoughts are a very well spoken young man, and for such a young person to be commended for that, but you are it seems letting the meds and adhd to limit your focus, and then by doin so, indeed living inside your thoughts, when you seem to have so much intellictual capabilities, by the way one of my sons take clonidine for adhd.

  big d
• 

  Crumpet

  Like the others have said (and being a bit of a hypocrite here) its honestly best to get prescribed rather than self prescribe. I have a similar problem with focus and concentration - I have to do several things at once. Since I'm studying for my bachelors it can also be really a pain trying to complete assignments or even read the course material. Thus I work in 10-20 increments and then do something else for a few minutes and then I go back to it. I've never thought that it could be a recognised disorder so therefore I just found ways to deal with it and still accomplish things.

  Personally I'm not a big fan of prescription drugs. I've been on them for 6 months for bi polar and in the main they have created more freaky side effects than solved anything for me. Take care of yourself and be alert to any unwanted changes of the meds you take - prescribed or not. And be honest with yourself. Some of these drugs have "fun" high effects - but that's not what they are for - can be easy to get addicted to that.
• 

  JK666

  Min,

  I worry about you mixing and matching prescriptions. Drugs do have interactions, and the doctor is aware of this. It is important that you stay on the same meds so that your doctor can get a baseline on where you are at. I would stay on the regimen that he prescribed for a period of time to see if they work. You are defeating the "scientific method" with your experimentation.

  Only wishing the best for you,

  John
• 

  R.Crusoe

  I am like Crumpet in that I'm living a largely solitary existence and spend few hours outside home in a week with many days going by without leaving apart from grocery shpping which I tend to do at a quiet period and maybe after midnight.

  I find it hard to focus for long periods on any task and amon zero drugs and never have been. I have used alcohol to numb my depressions which I know is a bad move. I may take it once a week but sometimes not for weeks.

  I am intrigued by myself because the only thing that has snapped me out of this cycle is running around 6 miles every other day and /or singing at karaoke bars 2 or 3 nights a week. I have done neither for at least 6 months and have put on weight which stops me wanting to do either.

  And also when I was feeling some positive aspects due to the above recreational features, it only slightly raised my abilities to do other tasks.

  If I am given a task or responsibility I would always complete it but find that now all my family ties are so strained it is tricky to sort it in as quick a time as I once did due to an overbearing mood of depression.

  I woke this morning with a hangover type headache but not from alcohol - just a habit that seems to be forming where I sink off into sleep and wake up in a massive low.

  I even know that this is exactly related to the ways close people have distanced themselves and how it makes me feel unnecessary by people I gave important parts of my life to. I am an empath according to a task I took. It put me at 10 out of a possible 10 so I think too much about others and respond best when I am helping them but if others reject my goodwill it hs negative consequences for me which I am unable to successfully adjust to without a full scale personality change. I feel I know drugs dont do that since it is related to human interactions! They only do a temporary switch which then returns you to a place you cant cope with - the real you ( so like JW psychology dependency - which teaches me that sometimes FAMILIES AND FRIENDS AND SOCIETY employ the same sorts of JW negative action scenarios that render exJWs inactive even in their own lives [inactive is such an irony I never realised why some brothers laughed occasionally at the notion - evil!!])

  So I personally haven't found a successful long term solution to my situation because I dont have that empathetic loving caring close person/s in my life who are as interested in my feelings, progress and lifestyle as I would be in theirs! I know that's what causes me to submerge and I can't establish an alternative that is sustainable for my persona which in the duration of my 4 years downtrend is less likely than it once was though changed in so many ways I will not bore you at present.

  This is not in my opinion a self inflicted disorder but largely one of consequence and not understanding most other people are completely unlike oneself and will not think twice about leaving you at the side of the road! They really dont care or some who do are types who are so introverted themsleves that they struggle to malke conversations which build bridges!

  So, like all humans who are connected and have a circle of close colleagues/family/friends and feel you are functional - The reason you feel that is not BECAUSE you are not suffering some disorder it's BECAUSE of those around you whom occupy all your senses in engaging ways which keep a cumlatively positive cycle going and one which the sum of all parts remains largely positive!IMHO

  My case without most chemicals!!