Newbies Exiting the Witnesses - How Do You Feel ? Steve Hassan Explains

flipper

Hello folks, how are you ? I am just about done reading the Steve Hassan book, " Combatting Cult Mind Control". Thought I would share some of the points here for newbies and all others to see just what a person exiting a cult, or Jehovah's Witnesses might go through psychologically so they can better know how to deal with the various emotions of anger, guilt , and sadness that can accompany leaving the witnesses.

In quoting from his book Hassan states : " Probably the most common is the depression they feel during the first few months after leaving. It is difficult to describe the pain of realizing that you have been lied to and enslaved in a mind control cult - when you discover your " dream " is really a nightmare . Many people describe it as having fallen deeply in love with someone, then finding out that person was a false lover and was just using them. The sense of pain and betrayal is enormous . "

But on a positive note he continues : " When people are depressed, they tend to only see the bad side of things. Their pain can be so great that it blots out the hope of a positive future. It is essential that former members acknowledge and work through their pain, and go through the necessary grieving period. What seems to help the most is to enable people to realize that positive things did come out of their involvement , and to show them how they can now be much stronger because of the experience. And to see that some other cult members experiences were worse than their own. "

Some feel remorse or guilt over leaving ,decisions made while in the cult, or how they treated others while in the cult. But Hassan said, " They must realize that they were victims too and did what they believed to be right at the time. " So, forgiving oneself is very important as well.

Another problem people may encounter Hassan said is , " an overwhelming tendency toward " continued dependence " on others for direction and authority. This sort of dependency creates a low self-esteem and retards the desire and ability for individual development " Hassan said it can cause some ex-cult members to have difficulty in making decisions on various things. Even asking others permission to make normal decisions- what to eat at a restaurant , what clothes to wear, what they should do next with regard to education or employment. But in time decision making becomes easier with practice. In time, people learn how to resume control of their lives again - free from the witness cult !

By those of us who have been out of the witness cult for awhile - we can bolster ex-members self esteem and confidence , then in time these ones learn independence again.

So , What are your thoughts on this advice by Steve Hassan ? Do you think it works ? I hope there is something here newbies as well as all of us can take away in dealing with the complications arising getting out of the " mind control", Witness cult. So, I invite all your thoughts , observations and experiences dealing with this. I look forward to hearing from you ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Abandoned

You sure are taking what you are learning and helping others benefit from it. Good for you.

My journey since finding out the cult was a cult is well-documented right here. I think I'm to the move on phase as far as my life is concerned, but I still enjoy coming around here and goofing off with my friends.

DT

Welcome to all the newbies! There are so many that I can't keep up. I appreciate your comments. Leaving a cult can be very difficult. It's good that we have a place where people can empathise.

OnTheWayOut

My journey since finding out the cult was a cult is well-documented right here. I think I'm to the move on phase as far as my life is concerned, but I still enjoy coming around here and goofing off with my friends.

Not quite a ditto. Because I have a wife still in (as many here have close family in), my move-on phase
is stalled a bit. My depression over this whole thing has lingered. I am coming out of it, ready to move-on.
It's just been a long time getting there, and the move-on desire is slow starting.

I do more than enjoy coming here. I do it as a form of self-therapy.

flipper

ABANDONED- Thanks, Abandoned ! I think all this reading of how cult mind control makes these witnesses trapped in the cage of " information control", really makes me have empathy for what they go through. They don't even know they are going through it - till they escape it! It's why I want to help people get out . It motivates me. But, hey dude ! I like goofing off with friends too! Think I'll start a comedy thread tonight!

DT- You are right ! There are lots more newbies on this board now than when my wife and I joined in March last year !

OTWO- I enjoy your posts , threads, and replies friend. I can only imagine how hard and challenging your situation is. You have my empathy- and are to be commended . Feel free to call me anytime ! Peace. I am PMing you some info in a few minutes ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper

flipper

Just wanted to bump this up for the newbies and others who want to comment on Steve Hassan's techniques in helping people deal with the problems of getting out of cults or the witnesses. I certainly invite your comments

Anti-Christ

For me it was very very helpful. For me it was more of an anger feeling then a depressed feeling. I did not feel any remorse about what I did in the cult it was not my fault and I felt that right away I blame everything on the WT cult. I was raised a JW so it's all I knew. The book helped me deal with the anger and understand the processes of mind control. I recommend this book to all ex cult members.

OnTheWayOut

It is essential that former members acknowledge and work through their pain, and go through the necessary grieving period. What seems to help the most is to enable people to realize that positive things did come out of their involvement , and to show them how they can now be much stronger because of the experience. And to see that some other cult members experiences were worse than their own. "

Positive things out of involvement in the WT cult- I am still unable to consider that as so. I am reminded
of their analogy of the drop of poison in the glass of clear water. The only real positive I have is that I was
a very quiet person who was able to be content as a loner, and the WT taught me to be bold. I still am
happy as a loner, but am able to do well in groups. It ain't much.

Sure, you can list a bunch of stuff:
Better researcher, better speaker, ability to sit for hours of boring lecture and take notes, a greater understanding
of religion and Bible after leaving the cult, meeting a great mate in the cult.
I still go back to that poison. College could do a better job on the research and speaking without warping the
student's thought processes. Any subject a person is interested in can get him to sit still. The greater
understanding of religion and Bible is not attained by many who never free their minds. My mate was great because
we both were in the cult, our bond was forged out of mutual belief. I cannot credit them for my "bumping into"
someone that I forged a great bond with.

I don't mean to attack Hassan's view. I just want it known that this positive outlook is difficult to acheive.

Can I be stronger because of my negative experience- yes. I can support that view, easily.

Can I realize that others have had worse cult experiences than mine- yes.

flipper

ANTI CHRIST- I agree ,like you I too felt anger after leaving the witness cult , instead of depression. But reading books like this one and other books has helped me to lose my anger mostly- and turnit into a positive to help others get out of the cult.

OTWO- I agree with you that college is a much more informative way to gain knowledge and good experiences to progress after the cult fiasco . That being said- I think we did learn to be better public speakers or I know it helped me to approach strangers after having done the door to door work so long. But like you said- I know there are some who have gone through greater struggles than me , so I thank my lucky stars , and do what I can to help out, if I'm able

cognac

For me, I think I go through a different emotion just about every day. One that seems to be overwhelming is not having a positive outlook on the future. I mean, I have no idea where I am going anymore and I have no idea where I go when i die... I liked knowing these things. I had a definate plan, a definate hope. Now, I don't know what I'm doing... Or what to have hope in.

Newbies Exiting the Witnesses - How Do You Feel ? Steve Hassan Explains

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