What were your "coming out" of the WT stages?

by changeling 10 Replies latest jw friends

changeling

I think that we all leave the WT in stages. I think that when we first "see" the WT as false we do not fully understand the implications. I think we all go though stages before it's all settled in our minds and that the stages and the "road" may be different for each one.
Here are my stages:
1- Having a gut feeling that all was not well.
2-Turning that feeling into action and daring to look on the interent.
3-Finding radical (Danny Hazzard) and "crazy" sites (E-Watchman) that confirmed that apostates are lunatics and feeling incredibly guilty for having "gone there".
4-Having the doubts come floating back and "going there" again and finding JWD.
5-Reading the "Scandals" section and finding an active thread about the UN.
6-Thinking, "no way, that can't be true"
7-Going to UN's site and then the WT's CDrom an finding out that: YES, it was true.
8-Questioning the brothers and writting the Society and receiveng an unsatisfactory answer.
9-Believing that something was wrong but that the WT could be reformed.
10-Stopping Field service for not wanting to invite others to join a hyporitical organization.
11-Still feeling it was the "truth" but something was wrong that could be fixed.
12-Continueing to research and think and come to the conclusion that the whole organization was wrong from it's inception.
13- Realizing all religions are divisive and destructive.
14-Realizing that my concept of god was man made.
15- Consirering myself "agnostic" but really being and "atheist", but the word was "too scary" to apply to myself.
16-Accepting atheism as the only logical explanation.
17-Finding peace and acceptance within myself.
18-Enjoying life for it's transient beauty and cherishing each day as it comes.
So, what were your stages?
changeling
journey-on

Interesting topic, Changeling. Everybody needs a little self-evaluation now and then to understand the steps it took to get from Point A to Point B.
Being raised in it, I never questioned anything and bought it hook, line, and sinker. Then….

1. My brother got disfellowshipped and I watched his "safety net" and support structure ripped out from under him at the tender age of 17! Not good. It hurt so bad, I can’t even think about it without crying. I watched his life spiral downward in despair and his life long friends abandon him. (This didn’t "smell" right no matter what they said.)
2. My young adulthood was during radical social changes that moved me to become more of a free thinker.
3. Began to have questions concerning aspects of the Bible and took my questions to the elders.
4. Derided by elders for "thinking too much."
5. Read an article in Ms. Magazine by Barbara Grizutti Harrison (ex-Bethelite woman!) that totally blew me away. I ordered her book.
6. Read Visions of Glory by Barbara Grizutti Harrison. My heart raced with the revelations it contained! This was pre Ray Franz!
7. 1975 – Nothing! Nada! Zip! WTF! A light bulb went off! This organization is probably just another goofy religion with no special connection whatsoever to God.
8. Strong desire to allow my children to experience their childhood freely outside of a repressive, oppressive, suppressive religion. Signed them up for Little League. They wanted to play baseball so bad! Screw meetings, service, study, etc.!!!
9. Began to research and think about other spiritual philosophies.
10. Went to college. Oops! Developed lots of critical thinking skills. I ate it up!
11. Began to think that God is diversified and loves all religions as long as they are based in love and doing good to your fellow man. Attended some meetings off and on for my parents’ sake.
12. Began to think of God in more scientific ways. Read Stephen Hawkings and others and began to feel that "God" is not what I was taught "He" is, and religion is nothing more that man’s feeble attempts to understand their own nature and man’s relationship to creation.
13. Still believed the Bible held some sort of hidden special inspired message from "out there" where inspiration is born. Still thought Jesus might actually be a supernatural son of God come to reveal The Truth to mankind.

This past week, I read Thomas Paine’s Age of Reason and it made me realize that #13 above is no longer what I believe. I still believe in The Eternal One, the Creator of all things, but not as a Big Sky Daddy, but rather as a Creative Principle, an energy force that is in all, through all, and around all.
mentalclearness

1. started noticing that elder body was not interested in real problems of people in hall. Just had to make sure everyone looked good for co´s visit.
Field service was always really horrible for. The whole idea of invading someone´s space and talking about something so personal. Plus add to the fact the ridiculous I felt talking about paradise...So I had been irregular for many years.
2. realized that holy spirit cannot be in commitee meetings as so many are botched up.
3. looked around and saw all the hall was filled with lying double lifing teenagers with very few exceptions who were pretty much doing normal adolescent things. The parents and elders were going nuts. But I saw no unconditional love. Which got me to think about my own adolescence and things that had happened, how i felt etc..
Now I have to say that unlike many here I was never completely convinced on doctrine issues. I always considered myself to be an anti spiritual person because I had difficulty visualizing paradise or god, or angels, etc....So I kept on praying for FAITH....I mean I prayed for faith forever and nothing happened..No awe inspiring experience which made me hold on to my religion... But I kept on attending because I thought of it as a good community with morals and values etc..until I noticed that wasn´t really the case.
4. Around this time I also noticed that most of the people that had grown up in the religion were pretty messed up when it came to morals. This got me to thinking about morality from within.
Somewhere in that time I changed halls and I just stopped going to the meetings after one co´s visit which I considered to be basically the last straw. haven´t been back.
5.Started to talk with friends and coworkers and was able to see things from a different perspective. I would have to say that their support was pivotal to not looking back.
6. Found JWD and instantly felt like I was at home. Probably for the first time in my JW life....
wednesday

sorry , Danny Hazard is not a lunatic or radical. he has had a very traumatic life and the jws deserve what they get. they should not dish it out if they can't take it. I would not have done a few things he did, but I was not there and I believe him. I also like him very much. He's a very kind and decent person.
I wish i could recall which HilaryS post it was in but he makes some excellent points about stages we go through as we leaving a very controlling environment If it could be found-- it is worth reading..I know for one- to borrow from Hillary Clinton- i found my voice politically.
weds
Hortensia

1. Brought up JW, lived with major guilt, depression, despair
2. moved and quit going to meetings, while continuing to feel major guilt, depression, despair
3. saw a bumper sticker that said "since I gave up hope, I feel better." Was an epiphany for me - I can't explain to you what that bumper sticker did for me!
4. never went back, except for weddings and funerals. By the way, everyone is now married or dead, or both, and I never have to go back at all.
5. began to visit other churches - you name it, I went there. Another epiphany - they aren't any different! They're all the same!!! I realized I didn't want religion in any form.
6. I read Women Saints, East and West, got another realization about the total unimportance of doctrine.
7. Read "Visions of Glory? Another awakening - JWs are fucking ridiculous.
8. Lived my life, read more about evolution, accepted it's probably true, but since I don't believe in anything anyway, it doesn't cause me any problems at all.
9. Was criticized by my sisters, but not shunned, for not being a JW. Funny thing is, they're out now, too!
10. Just last year found this forum, read more about the cult aspect, which was also enlightening. I said they are all alike, didn't I?
serotonin_wraith

1. Born an atheist, as we all are.
2. Raised as a JW, believing it was real due to indoctrination.
3. Believing it, but also hating it. 'Jehovah's' morals and rules for surviving were disgusting to me.
4. Left as soon as I was able (16). I was at the stage where I would have rather died than lived forever under this god, and I had doubts as to whether this god was real in the first place.
5. After a few years of clearing my mind of religious influence, I took a look at what was going on in the world of JWs (joined this site) and then the whole 'new atheism' thing started up. The case against there even being a god is so strong I can't deny it, and that's made easier by not wanting the only god I've ever believed in to actually be real. My rational mind took care of the rest.
Abandoned

Interesting question. I guess my stages were something like that.
1) Not feeling comfortable in the congregation (primarily due to how many were going to be destroyed)
2) Smoking because of guilt from #1
3) More guilt from smoking so I stopped going to meetings
4) Overdosed on video games to forget about guilt
5) Marriage breakdown due to host of issues
6) Moved away from witnesses to be with real family
7) Witness teachings went into semi-hibernation state. Still affecting me but not consciously.
8) Switch back between periods of intense guilt and intense anger
9) Did "jehovah" search on internet and found JWD
10) Lurked for a month or so and then signed up for account a llittle over a year ago
11) Learned that JW is a cult but still had lingering doubts that I was being mislead by satan
12) Started posting HUGE CHUNKS of my story here to make test to see if I really belonged
13) Felt like I found a home
14) Needed some time away to figure who post-cult Tom was.
15) Learned a lot about myself and for the first time, liked what I was seeing.
16) Learned how to defend myself emotionally and say "no" and stand up for myself.
17) Life started throwing more at me. More than I THOUGHT I could handle
18) Came back here to JWD and realized I COULD handle what life had to throw at me
19) Realized I need some therapy to help me deal with some issues
20) Have confidence in my abilities to take on life.
FlyingHighNow
I'm going to keep my list simple.
1. List of things that made me go Hmmmm that developed over the years.
2. Moving into a mostly evil congregation that neglected those in the most need and really let my family and me down when we needed them most.
3. Decided to take time off from meetings when life had piled up on me almost as bad as Job. Then had depressive breakdown and never went back but a time or two. That was 1990 or so.
4. 1999 I got the internet. I always knew I'd have to read "apostate" literature if it ever arrived in my mail. Well, the first thing I looked up was Watchtower's Official Site. But on my search results I got page with link to Ray Franz's and other's storys. Read them and said to myself, "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm."
5. Met Andy and he encouraged me to look into apostate websites and order Crisis of Conscience. I was in Hawaii then. It was 2001. I even read some on JWD and I corresponded with a couple of elders from the net who were wise to the jive.
6. That was it. I waked up. I joined Women Awake. That board got crazy because of stupidity. I decided a unisex board was something I was finally ready for and joined JWD.
B_Deserter
1. Studied the Daniel book one night about the multiple kings of the north and south. It was too big of a pill to swallow. I ignored it.
2. Read some of the arguments from the "new atheists" and couldn't answer them
3. Looked up the "criticism" section in the wiki article about Jehovah's Witnesses for the first time. Found out about the NGO thing. It didn't bother me at the time.
4. One weekend it all came together. Told my mom. She said I was just saying that because I was depressed
5. Dad tried to debate the Bible with me. I wasn't in any condition to answer back. He used the predictions of the Book of Daniel about the "Hairy He-Goat" to prove the Bible's authenticity.
6. Tried to buy it for a few weeks, just couldn't do it.
7. Finally admitted to myself I don't believe in the supernatural.
8. Said "Happy Thanksgiving" for the first time this year, as well as "Merry Christmas."
aligot ripounsous

All the time since I started "studying" with JWs, I've been totally aware of the very serious (should say prohibitive) shortcomings of their theology (litteral reading of the Bible, fanciful reinterpretation of History in order to make prophecies match with their own history ), the totalitarian nature of this organization that wants to see only one head in the row, and its outright dihonesty when they claim to vindicate the truth whilst they actually seek to preserve their own interests first.
Still, I've been sticking to it, despite a feeling and reputation of not really belonging to the club, probably owing to hopeless independent thinking. I just thought, and still do, that I need a religion, everyone is partial to something, and I find some unique beliefs with JWS which suit me : no trinity, no hell, paradise earth, 2 classes aren't bad either, and I'm too lazy to look for a better one.
Now, do I really still belong to that religion ? not officially any longer, as I've been inactive since last august (used to be a MS and give a few public talks) and attend only the WE meeting, except when my wife wants to attend some others, which she not always do. Keep silent during meetings, as I was told I weaken the brothers' faith. I can assure that open silence is a very efficient and deafening form of protest and critique, when completed, off meetings, with private discussions with JWs, including elders, who want to know why I hold to this new behaviour.
All in all, I'm definitely on the way out, even though gently, and my 2 teen children understand very well that, as I'm telling them that they will be free to join their own religion, I'm not keen on letting them buy a one way ticket, that is get baptism, in this one. The problem is that my wife, who roughly thinks along the same lines as I do but more covertly, is afraid at the idea that their leaving this religion will induce them to a stray life. To be honest, I myself am not very much self assured, as to them, on that ground. Who said that life is simple ?

What were your "coming out" of the WT stages?

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