Four weeks ago, my only child, my daughter, was asked to leave my home. It was tough love. She has spent the previous 3 years incarcerated. Then she moved here - within a short time has us all on edge, was alienating her children, while she was supposed to be bonding with them. Then came the drugs - and her exit.
Anyway - some may have read the thread - I was quite upset. I was prepared to open my home to her - help her get it back together. We have already spend 3 and a half years raising her children.
We have run out of gas in this relationship.
She lives with her ex-con boyfriend 20 miles away now. She has told us that we are now on 'a need to know' basis regarding her private life - likely an effort to protect herself from going back to prison for violation of her probation. She has not even called, except once to speak with her oldest. During that exchange she refused to even speak with her mother. We have no address, no phone number.
In short - our 28 year old 'Rebel without a Cause' - has once again showed that she has little if any 'natural affection' for either her parents or her children. We are left to raise them - and have now begun the legal process needed to assure that custody will not return to her until she shows ability to raise them. [We have has guardianship of them for a long time - now working on changing that to 'custody' of a permanent nature.
Our focus is all on the children now. We are not as young as we used to be -and would prefer not to be doing this. [At 52 and 50] But we know that they are not at fault - and will use every resource we have to assure the safety and welfare of these three precious beings.
Anyway - a month after the blow-up all is serene for us - we have committed ourselves to a long effort to do what is right. We had hoped [perhaps delusionally, knowing her history] that within a short time following her release that we would be able to resume our lives which had been put on hold for three years.
The home projects that I had put off for 'when the kids are out of the house', are underway. No more waiting to get furniture, carpet, and projects that need done here. We are moving ahead with life, accepting that these wonderful children are going to be a major part of the years headed into our retirement - in fact, that they might have to be our retirement plan, since the funds only go so far. But peace, or as much of it as we can have with three children under the age of 9 in the house, is our current lot in life. We are settled in our hearts with it - as much as possible.
Many offered very kind support to us thru this very trying time. Thank you.
Jeff