mrs. robinson

mentalclearness

O.k. well I need some advice. I am 32 years old and involved with a guy who is 25 years old. He is is super smart and very responsable, treats me with loads of respect and we have a really good connection. I have an intuitive relationship. He´s been a great friend. Always supportive and helping me reason out the neurotic thoughts I go through. Such as..what if armageddon is true'?? and all the crazy stuff that comes from growing up a witness. We share the same morbid sense of humor and we always have tons of fun together, In fact hours fly by when we are together..But I have three kids and he is still finishing college and yet to make a life for himself. My children don´t know that we are involved as a couple. He is a friend who sometimes drops by..but not too often..I would like your honest answers here.. what are the chances of a relationship like this working given the circumstances???

AlmostAtheist

I think it depends on your definition of "working". You're only 7 years his senior -- hardly a cradle-robber!

Like any other relationship, you both have to ask what exactly you're wanting. Was it his life ambition to have his own children? You've got 3, and maybe you don't want any more.

Do you want to be married eventually? How do you define "eventually"?

Needless to say, you don't need to answer these questions here. But this is the sort of dialog you have to have with yourself, then with him. But maybe not necessarily this very minute.

How long have you been involved? He knows you have kids, he knows your age, so it's not like you're hiding anything from him.

Have you two already discussed this, maybe even just lightly?

Dave

AWAKE&WATCHING

I don't feel that the age diffrence is important personally. I think once you are in your 30's 10 years either way is acceptable depending on maturity of course.

I would be certain that you are going to have more than a friendship before it's mentioned to your children.

Only you can decide if there is enough respect and electricity to proceed. Is he mature and responsible albit not yet established in a career?

Do you have red flags?

mentalclearness

we talk about everything. I mean he knows more about me and I know info about him that either of us have never shared with anyone else. As far as future kids go, well I wouldn´t mind having another baby in the future. say like 3-5 years...And he says he sees himself married to me. But the one who is scared is me!! I mean I was married for 9 years and I feel really nervous about a commitment like that. We share same thought on values. I mean, priority to him is family. Like he´s beyond the partying stage. And I would say that he´s pretty ambitious. Wants to have his own company and already is working towards that. Has saved money in the bank. In many aspects I see him much more mature than many guys my age.

AWAKE&WATCHING

How long have you been divorced?

mentalclearness

awake and watching...my divorce is still in process...in fact I´ve been seperated only over a year....and i agree the kids will never meet a ¨boyfriend¨unless it´s someone I´m going to marry.

FlyingHighNow

I don't think the age difference is too big. I am fourteen years older than Andy and we had a relationship that lasted years and we still care very much about each other.

I would be more concerned about any 25 year old man. He'd have to be very mature. Even if you were 25. 25 is very young for a man to be committed to any relationship for the long term.

There are exceptions though.

joannadandy

You had me with you until you got to the "still in process" part...you have every reason to be gun-shy -- you're still technically not out of your last relationship. Why the rush to answer all the questions now?

The good news is - he is young. You have time to feel things out. There is nothing to say you have to fully define the relationship and it's future RIGHT NOW...in fact, I'd stay away from that. If the relationship is working now - I guess I would be ok with that for now. Nothing needs to be resolved right here right now in order for you to continue to enjoy the relationship you to have.You shouldn't be in a hurry -- and he doesn't need to be either. With time I think you'll be able to guage a few things -- is what you're feeling for real - or a rebound thing? Is this going to work? Do you still have the same goals. No need to rush -- giving it time could be nothing but a good thing for you too - and you'll more easily be able to tell if this could work.

R.Crusoe

Maybe he's in a place some of us were in as a JW - thinking this is what we want until the years bring us to a different conclusion?

But it does sound as though you both relate to each other extraordinarilly well?

In which case don't force change that makes you internalise conflict all for the sake of societies stereotypes!

I know people who've hated being married after 'sealing the deal' with god or society compared to some with families who've never married and still retain their surnames. Marriage to them is a slight afterthought that never arrived but the day to day life goes pretty well for all concerned = which is what most people hope to find within a marriage! So the irony is that maybe you found for a while what you hope marriage may bring!

I say let it be what it is and enjoy each other till such times as it naturally declines or establishes itself. Outsiders will all have their opinions - but your life is where it counts - surely you recall all the 'we JWs look respectable' mularkey doesn't get you happiness in the home. If you got happiness in the home then any god you believe in or plain nature is right there wouldn't you say?

Just live it and throw worry out with the garbage! IMHO.

I once met a woman who spent 2 years with a guy before she found it could never work but she said in spite of any regrets she would remember it all her life! Isn't that what life is about - and maybe for some it carries on? Worst case is when I hear someone say they called it quits and in old age can remember nothing better!

Mincan

Lucky bastard! Getting a puma...

mrs. robinson

Share this