Did the WT Discourage Platonic Friendships Between Men & Women ?

flipper

My wife and I have discussed this before , and it has been an education for me getting out of the Jehovah's Witnesses over 4 years ago to see the difference in how witnesses and non-witnesses view this subject . My wife before we met had some guy friends who she had non sexual friendships with and she was amazed when we first started dating when I told her how strict the witnesses were on men and women hanging out together alone just as friends , and that when I was a witness I never did that - at the risk of being falsely dragged before a committee if I was found in public alone with a witness woman ! My wife was amazed at the lack of trust that the elders had in each one of us as rank and file members !

I mean , think about it, it was ridiculous when we were witnesses ! In congregations I was associated with , if you went in field service , if you worked with a sister, it had to be in a group situation only . It was almost unheard of for a sister to drive alone with a brother somewhere if they were not married, even if just being dropped off somewhere or filling your gas tank up, trivial stuff ! It shows you the lack of trust the organization had in our ability to be " decent " and control our physical desires. I mean, come on. Did they think we all were going to sneak off and have sex in the backseats of cars out in service , or something ? They assume the worst of people - probably because it's what they would do in the same situation ! It's called projection !

I had a good buddy of mine in the early 1980's say that an elder came up to him once and said to him, " Brother so and so , your wife is wearing quite a low cut blouse, and her cleavage is showing ! " My friend told the elder, " Well, brother , you shouldn't be looking at my wife's breasts then ! Avert your eyes to where they should be ! " My point precisely , if the elder wasn't a perv , he wouldn't have stuck his nose in where it should not have been anyway - in someone's wifes cleavage !

So , my wife understands I have female friends on the board here too ! It is a healthy view of interaction between the opposite sexes ! She knows I love her , and feels good that we both have friendships with women and men , who we are trying to encourage from a " friendship " view to hang in there with issues regarding exiting the witness cult ! It is so good to have that trust , be a normal human without the hang-ups that the witness cult put into us ! So, I feel the Watchtower discouraged us from having normal male -female interactions as friends and really fostered a spirit of distrust in people ! What did you folks experience when you were witnesses ? Did you get hassled for just being decent or kind in a " platonic " way to a member of the opposite sex ? I look forward to your answers ! Gosh, I'm so glad I'm out of that mind control cult

Burger Time

Frowned on in my hall. The Elders would only snoop if there was a suspicious circumstance, like being seen late at night alone. I had a few female friends I hung out with alone though, and was never talked to about.

Crumpet

Yeah I'm still not totally over the "chaperone mentality". I used to be furious at the idea my bf had spent time with any woman even in public.

I remember nights when I'd be a sleepy 6 year old accompanying my father at 11pm to drop off a grandmotherly bible study because men and women couldnt be in a car together. It screws you up thinking that way.

My best friend in the hall was a boy. He'd known me since I was born and helped change me nappies and we were constantly picked on for rushing over to each other at the end of every meeting. We'd sit and discuss Little Dorrit or whatever Stendhal we happened to be reading. There was certainly nothing inappropriate about it.

AWAKE&WATCHING

I've made a lot of friends through employment and since I've been in sales of some kind for quite awhile that includes men. I have a very good friend that I started hanging out with before I got reinstated and that of course was frowned on. I never completely gave up any of my worldly friends when I went back to the cult and that includes male friends.

My husband was in socail work for years so the opposite was true for him. He has a lot of female friends. We never had a problem with it so I figured it was no one's business. I did not, however, broadcast it in the congregation.

Yeah - it's whacked that they think men and women can't be just friends.

Open mind

Recurring Elder School Mantra:

BROTHERS. NEVER! BE ALONE. WITH A SISTER.

Let me repeat that to make sure you've got it.

BROTHERS. NEVER! BE ALONE. WITH A SISTER.

With that kind of world-class "education" it's no wonder we're all just a little bit crazy.

OM

minimus

Men should bond with other men and go to Bethel.

If an emergency arose and a brother and sister were in a car together for field service, one should sit in the back.....just in case something COULD happen.

An elder must not talk to a female alone because you never know, there have been some cases of women throwing themselves at elders who were sympathetic towards them.

Groups of teens should not go out together unless mature adults were present.

Does that answer your question (which is a good one!)?

myababes

hi Mr Flipper

I totally agree with you, the impression I got was that immediately you were in the company with a member of the opposite sex you were going to be overcome with passion and jump into bed straight away with them no matter who they were. It said a lot for the elders thinking didn't it that they couldn't trust themselves to be in a females company and not be thinking they could control themselves to have their wicked way.

When me and Mr Mya babes were first married I was teribly jealous of who he spoke to and I am sure it was due to the insecurities they bred in me. It only got better after we had been married a few years and completeley went when we left the org and both developed friendships outside.

Dagney

Of course they did! There is a chapter I believe in the "Youth" book, and there was an article, I remember vividly, in the Awake a "Young People Ask" article if the sexes could just be "friends."

I have encourged young people to most definitely develop friendships with the opposite sex, no matter what the society says, and I think now most do.

I agree, their obsessiveness in this area belies a nasty source. It is unhealthy in these days not to teach young ones how to make and keep friends of all sorts, this isn't the dark ages. It has spawned gnerations of misfits, that hopefully will seek outside advice so they can lead a healthy happy life with the opposite sex.

I was raised with the chaperone issue going strong until a sister pointed out a loophole in the Watchtower. Next time I was questioned, I brought that baby out. I am so happy I have my men friends, I learn so much from them and they just help me be a better person.

sir82

the impression I got was that immediately you were in the company with a member of the opposite sex you were going to be overcome with passion and jump into bed straight away with them no matter who they were.

Yep.

And when you put 2 socially retarded JWs alone together, finally, at last, what idea comes to their minds?

"Well, according to the WT, any and every time any male and female are alone together, fornication WILL take place. I reckon that's what we're supposed to do now, so we might as well do it."

And so the WTS creates a self-fulfiling prophecy yet again.

ldrnomo

That reminds me of a story when I was an elder.

I used to check on a sister in our cong. who was 85 years old and I would stop by from time to time to see how she was. Another elder found out about that and counseled me about going over there by myself.

I laughed and told him that there were no worries nothing would happen between the two of us.

Did the WT Discourage Platonic Friendships Between Men & Women ?

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