by brinjen 12 Replies latest jw friends
Who did you get along with better socially? Fellow JW's or 'Worldly People'?
How have your social interactions changed since leaving?
How did you make these changes?
How do your friends today compare with your friends back then? (aside from the obvious)
Do you find it easier or more difficult to make friends now that you're out?
*Note, thought this might be a good topic for lurkers to read*
Worldly people for # 1 and all for the better for the rest. JW's suck for friends. No offense to my good friends here that may still be in. Just get interactive in anything that the dubs told you not to, with the exception of hard drugs. You'll make plenty of good friends, that is if you need any good friends. I, personally don't need alot of friends, I'm fortunate to have a few.
Just my own humble opinion, thank you.
NMG
I got along with everyone about the same given lack of social skills. I do remember identifying with some of my college classmates better than people at my congregation. But that was just during class and studying.
Yes, my social interactions have changed. I am a lot less guarded now since I am not worried about bad "worldly" association.
I have a handful of friends now. I didn't really have any when I was a JW. It is a little easier to make friends now. As a witness I confined my potential friendships to JW's. About 1 out every 1000 people. Now, I have that whole other 999 out of 1000 that are potentials.
Jehovahs witnesses seem very occupied with friends. Maybe because they call each other the friends.
Since I have left the tower, I find earth people are not that occupied with having friends. Many have their family. Others associate with people they work with.
The Wactower tells their sales clerks not to associate with people unless they are making a sale, or cultivating a sale, interest in a sale.
I had a couple of nice non-JW friends and felt they were real friends
Maddie
My last few years in the org I was too busy to have much of a social life but I did try to stick with witness friends.
The little dating I did, though, was with worldly (non-jw) guys. I hear the stories of the love-sick people on JWD who are dating a witness and I just know what's going on. It's a sick game jw's play with themselves and they end up hurting a lot of good worldly people in the process. I'd date them for a few weeks or months, start to get emotionally attached and then tear myself away. Such a sick way to be.
Happy I'm out now. I still don't have an extremely active social life, but I have a good group of friends that I would do anything for and most of them would unhesitantly reciprocate. One is an ex-jw, the others are just people who happened along and we bonded well.
Much healthier now that I'm out. Not perfect yet, but definitely more healthy for all of us.
-Aude.
I always got on much better with 'worldly' people, i even used to say that the 'jw's weren't people i would chose to be 'friends' with but we are all brought together by our love for jehovah.'
I always found being friends with other witnesses very, very hard work, with lots and lots of misunderstandings and falling out. And who the hell's parents get involved, usually, when you fall out with a friend? But of course being the PO's daughter it's never just between you and the person, it has to involve the elders too. Now if that isn't gonna help you to have balanced friendships and relationships i dont know what is.
I also used to say that if the jw's knew the real me they wouldn't like me, in fact they would be shocked at what goes on inside my head lol. It's funny because when i was a jw i never really had any patience for people, like when they would come to me with their crap, and expect sympathy or for me to just listen endlessly. My mother used to say'you don't suffer fools gladly.' I always thought i was really bad because my mum was so patient and i just wasn't.
Now im just being the real me, i say what i think and i do the things that make me happy.
I met one of my jw friends the other day, at my gym (now i remember why i switched gyms last year lol) and i thought to myself after speaking to her, wow you were really scrapping the barrel. To take a term from 'mean girls' i call them frenemies.
Who did you get along with better socially? Fellow JW's or 'Worldly People'?
Neither. JWs were too judgemental and Worldly People were too evil and forbidden.
How have your social interactions changed since leaving?
Not much in fundamentals. Just the groupings changed... for the better I think.
How did you make these changes?
They came with the territory [of leaving the witnesses]... pun intended
How do your friends today compare with your friends back then? (aside from the obvious)
More like myself: Individualistic, experiemental, unconditional, open-minded, non-dogmatic... if I do meet these people they get discarded.
Do you find it easier or more difficult to make friends now that you're out?
Same as before.
Who did you get along with better socially? Fellow JW's or 'Worldly People'?
As a child, I was an outcast from both. I was perceived as self-righteous by worldlies because my family was well-known for being JWs, and I didn't fit in with the JWs because I was horrified by their behavior (self-righteous and hypocritical, even as kids). As a teen, I had two very close buddies who were in, one of whom faded successfully; that was the one I've stayed friends with over the years, whereas the other wrote me off long ago. As an adult, I prefer less narrow-minded associates, so it's worldlies these days.
How have your social interactions changed since leaving?
I can be myself, so I'm more relaxed and can be honest. I don't have to believe certain things to be accepted.
How did you make these changes?
Instead of running away from people that were supposedly evil, I got to know them. I found out there were good, kind, honest people outside of the Hall, who didn't have to pretend they were perfect - and so they could put their energy into being the best they can.
How do your friends today compare with your friends back then? (aside from the obvious)
I have close friends today who know the "real" me and care about me - and vice versa.
Do you find it easier or more difficult to make friends now that you're out?
Less BS (presenting a false exterior, trying hard to believe in difficult doctrines) = easier relationships.
I only know one JW personally and I cannot call him a friend, although I wish I could have. Once I found out what they think of people who are not of their persuasion, I was permanently offended. I do not believe I will ever overcome that feeling. Too bad these people cannot think for themselves. He himself would know that I am not evil and misguided. Actually he should know that, but once again he HAS to assume I am a follower of Satan. It's no wonder his life is so confused. Bill.
