she's just a friend (page 2)

daytona27

Sparkplug...very true. You've put a lot of good posts on this board, I appreciate the words of wisdom.

JK666

Dude,

If she ends up in a hot tub with you, and voluntarily takes off her top: GREEN LIGHT! Go for it, all systems go!

JK

p.s. Does she have to hit you over the head with a sledgehammer?

darkuncle29

Daytona, forget the guys talk. That is not what you need here.

I think taking her out and then just making a move -kissing her- is the worst possible thing to do. Why? She has trust issues already, do you really want to push that button and betray her trust? Read that last sentence to yourself again, outloud?

I think you need to sit down with yourself and have an honest conversation. You need to be sure of who you are and what you want. Next you need to have a point blank honest discussion with her. Tell her she is your friend, and you love being with her, talk about qualities of your friendship. And then tell her that this is causing you some confusion, ask her how she would feel about taking this to the next level. Make a point though that the friendship is important to you, and you don't want that jeopardized.

I don't like involving a third party, but you may approach her sister and sister's BF first. Tell them the above, that she is your friend, but you are getting confused.

My partner and I met this way. We were friends for a few years, and then at a time when he was between BFs he put me on the spot and asked if I'd want to take it further. I said yes, but only if it did not threaten our friendship.

daytona27

JK, I left some info out, but you're right. She had drunk so much, I knew she wouldn't remember it in the morning. The next day, she apologized for "acting like an ass" and said she hoped she didn't offend me with anything she said. I told her she said "this is your last chance to get naked" and she was embarrassed. So, she wasn't looking to hook up.

ESTEE

Hopeless romantics the lot of you! . . . . . . . . As am I!

I'm debating saying something to or asking her sister for some information about how I should approach it. Her sister and I have been closer friends, and we've talked briefly about her sister and I going out.

This sounds like a reasonable plan of action. Keep us posted. *goin' for the popcorn*

ESTEE

primitivegenius

hey bro i gotta admit i see where your comeing from regarding the best part of a relationship is the companionship. i feel that way as well, but you got to consider..... shes approaching you, REPEATEDLY, your obviously not a man whore..... cause you havent had sex with her to this point... and i think that really impresses her.......... but it wont forever.

fact is you both have been in dark places relationship wise...... you could totally be feeling the exact same thing for each other but are both to scared to stick your toe in the water to see if its warm. and bro holy sh** she was topless.... yeah gentleman that you are you didnt take advantage..... but some people gotta drink a little so they can blame it on the booze if they do crazy sh**..... wont even be more than buzzed...... but need that in order to break out of their shell.

job situation....... can you get out of the transfer...... and would you want to... would it benefit you finacially..... and what i mean is..... your gonna relocate.... are you making 40k a year and this job will pay you 42k? or is it you make 40k and this job is 60k....... the small raise could be rejected for the hottie........ the other well might be unable to refuse that difference. would you forsake this new job for her if she worked out?

think about those things....... and start planting some seeds bro.... tell her that you have been haveing so much fun with her its unreal....... then make better comments........ ive enjoyed going out this weekend more than i enjoyed 14yrs of marriage........... work your way up... dont drop that bomb untill you have made several comments. minor things at first.. let her know how much you enjoy being around her. then STOP

go talk to her sister.... get her opinion. you say you and her sis are tight... use that relationship to get another opinion from someone that loves her. if her sis gives you the green light then go talk to her. i know its easier to just cut her out of your life and move on.......... but what if she is better than 80percent perfect for you........... they dont come along very often...... hell she could be 90pecent perfect for ya....

in the end....... your moveing on to that job......... UNLESS SHE WORKS OUT. and maybe even if she is awesome........ hell maybe she will relocate with ya....... but if it didnt work out......... your out of town so who cares.......... you wont have any awkwardness. speak with her and say that you really have been getting to know her..... make a few comments about things she likes that you like....... details to show you have been tottally paying attention. then ask her...... say hey i value your friendship immensely but i cant help but wonder if there could be more between us. ive had more fun with you than i have EVER had with ANY woman....... so you interested in moveing beyond just friends?

a year from now..... if you do the easy thing and just move........ you will have dreams about her and always wonder what coulda been......... or a year from now you KNOW that you guys wouldnt work out... whether due to her issues or yours............. or a year from now you will have her by your side and wonder how you ever made it through life without her.

but seriously...... 25%....... shes been REPEATEDLY asking to hang with you

25% you guys have a bad a$$ time together........... CLOTHES SHOPPING...... WTF

50% she showed you the twins in a hot tub.............. dude that should be 100% of a HELL YES

you got about 1000% likelyhood that she does in fact wanna hook up with you...... dont waste the short time you got left.

daytona27

primitivegenius...man, that is a lot of good information. I'm going to read it a few times to make sure it sinks in!!

The job, I have to take. I make below 70k now, and the jump is into the low 6 figure range. I can't turn it down, not so much for the money, but for the title on the resume if I start looking again. This is as my boss put it "your life changing career move".

All good information. I told her when I move I want to fly her out so we can do the Grand Canyon, snowboarding in Flagstaff, etc. Maybe hit Vegas, which I've never been to. She was down for that. It seems to me that she's just very, very cautious.

Eh, I'm probably taking all of this just a tad too seriously.

-Tank

As was said, Tell her how you feel, what have you got to lose? If it goes good, great! If it does not, your moving anyways.

AlyMC

ahh... I'm emotionally guarded as well, but not physically guarded at all. IMO, darkuncle is right on. I would be very off put at a guy who wined and dined me and then kissed me. Assuming I wasn't already married- I might sleep with him, but I probably wouldn't call again.

I think that you do owe it to yourself to talk to her. If you move away, the friendship will probably fade anyway. I would totally risk a friendship if I felt really strongly about someone. But if she is in fact anything like me, I wouldn't go for the romantic physical thing. I'd go for open communication saying what you said here about how much you value her.

unbeliever

In my opinion you should not tell her how you feel especially since you are moving. I went and read some of your old posts. From what I read you don't let many people in your life and she has been a positive in your life. The odds are very high if your tell her or end up sleeping with her it will just ruin the friendship or cause weirdness as you put it. I say keep the friendship like it is.

she's just a friend

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