OH MY GOD-
Some background info:
in 2006, I was still a JW (Jehovah's Witness) we were attending a congregation in V town. I had been going there since we were married, and Ben had grew up in that congregation. In April 2006, we switched congregations so that we could attend one closer to our home.
We still maintained contact with several of our friends from the old congregation since we had known each other for so long.
in February 2007, Ben and I stopped attending the congregation meetings. We didn't make a big deal about it- we basically stopped going.
Our friends from the old congregation had no clue since they weren't there to not see us attend. So we maintained a level of contact, but less frequent merely because I had just had a baby and the decision to leave the religion was huge for us and we knew at some point we'd lose our friends. Some of our other friends in the old congregation were also having babies, so again, we talked less, but when we did, things were fine- they had no clue of our decision and Ben and I weren't ready to share it.
In September of 2007, we finally decided we shouldn't be skirting the issues especially since we moved to a new town and kept getting "what congregation are you going to attend now?" questions. So I merely mentioned to my friend Rachel that Ben and I weren't going to meetings anymore and that it's not something we were zealous about. Literally, it was a 3 minute phone call. She replied "well you know where I stand" and got off the phone with me. I was a little taken aback. I mean, I expected that at some point we'd fade from these JW friends, but didn't expect them to be so curt and rude. Well, I didn't really make an effort to contact my other friends at the time because between moving and work picking up and my honest desire to avoid rejection again, I let a few months go by. At this time, none of our other JW friends made an effort to contact us as well. I wondered what Rachel told everyone and honestly where she could base her gossip on since I divulged nothing except for my lack of enthusiasm for spending my time going to church.
In December, one of my JW friends, Kelly, was due to give birth and I decided I needed to get over my fear of rejection to enjoy the celebration of the birth of a child. This was a friend of mine for 8 years! Well, I heard she had given birth because someone I barely knew sent me a text. None of my close friends told me. Still, I called her- I wanted to help-bring a meal, give her my gift for her little one, and so on. 2 weeks after she gave brith I called and she couldn't talk long- I chalked it up to her being busy with the baby. She did tell me that she was very stressed out and overwhelmed.
Anyways, I then decided to call Rachel. We had been such good friends that I just never felt right with the way our last conversation ended.
I called and she was pretty nice- of course she told me that she lost all three of my phone numbers which was so weird to me since we used to talk at least once a week, but whatever. I wasn't there to fight- I just knew that our friendship was ending and wanted peace. She was nice and asked me a few questions about what prompted my decision to leave and although I was pretty general for the most part, I told her a few belief issues that really bothered me. She seemed really open-minded and understanding and we got off the phone on a good note. We haven't talked since, but I felt ok about it.
Meanwhile, I wanted to see how my friend Kelly was holding up since she seemed freaked out the last time we spoke. I called her once, left a message and waited two weeks. I know how it is with a new baby, so I wasn't expecting her to just call me back right away. I called again, didn't leave a message and the next week Ben mentioned that he hoped she was OK. I was worried too. I didn't want to pester her, so I called an old friend who is really close to Kelly and who I was pretty close with as well, April.
I called April this past Monday and she seemed speechless when I called. She was so unresponsive and disinterested- didn't even ask how Gianna was doing. I tried making small talk and at some point she asked me what congregation I was in. I asked her whether or not she knew we were going to meetings because from my conversation with Rachel, I understood that most of our social circle and those in the congregation knew we weren't going. She just goes "hmm.. no..." acting completely coy and ignorant. So I just said, "well I assumed that was true since I hadn't heard from anyone and I figured it was because they knew we were inactive. If that's not the case, now I'm wondering why nobody, including you guys haven't contacted us" Yeah, I was a little annoyed with the lie. Anyways, she told me Kelly was doing fine, and so forth. I thanked her and got off the phone. Nothing really major.
So last night: I get this letter in the mail from Kelly-
Basically it says that she heard that I had made it very clear that I don't want to serve God and that not only am I not going to meetings, I've adopted Satan's ways. These are HER words. She goes on to say that the course I've chosen pains her and then quotes this scripture (2 Thess. 2:1-3, then skips down to verses 9-12 ) about apostasy, men of lawlessness and ignorance and then says she has to apply these words to me. And that since it's my choice to go this route, we can no longer maintain contact. And of course she says it's not her fault, but mine for doing this and forcing her to avoid me. She said that she has many tests in this time of the end and that this is one of her tests.
She then has the audacity to say that if I come back, she'll warmly welcome me back as her friend.
WHAT THE F*CK?!
A complete personal attack-
Jesus Christ if you don't want to talk to me can you jsut tell me that our beliefs are different and wish me and my family well?
But to say I've adopted Satans ways, that I'm ignorant, an apostate, etc. is like completely ridiculous.
She "heard" this? i'd like to know from whom? I have not spoken to anyone except Rachel and I'm angry that she would take a personal conversation that we had, pretend to act like she cared, and then go around and slander me?!
I am beyond hurt- and I want to be a level headed, reasonable ex-JW, but I'm so sick of this crap- this attack of my character, this rudeness, this lack of love and compassion-
it's nauseating and I'm so hurt by this-
As much as I expected this, when it happens- it's so disheartening. To think that there's a religion out there with millions of it's members judging their "friends" and ready to drop them like a bad habit based on heresay and gossip.
I spent 10 years with these "friends" and like that, it's gone because of ONE lousy conversation I had that when others heard about it, never bothered to call me to see if what they heard was even true.
I am so glad I do not have to raise my daughter to be this way to people.
Dear Friend, You are Satan so don't talk to me
by Younglove1999 20 Replies latest jw friends
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Younglove1999
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OnTheWayOut
(((((((((((((((((Younglove1999)))))))))))))))))))
From what I understand, friends are not as "forgiving" of inactive status as family usually are.
Family are looking for an excuse to continue being normal in contact, or perhaps reduce
contact but still be there for each other. Family want to be supportive. (Usually, not always.)FRIENDS, though- completely different story. You will read of some who maintain their friends,
but for the most part they drop you. They need a reason to do it fast. All they hear is that
you have problems with the religion or don't want to go to the hall anymore, and they run with
"She is apostate. She is guilty of independent thinking. She wants to influence us."It's hard, but they are in a mind-control cult. Try to forgive them, or at least forget them.
Try to move on. It's easier said than done, but you can do it. -
Younglove1999
Thanks OTWO,
I'm grateful that my mom has been reasonable and continues to maintain contact with us. I don't want to ruin that and it kills me that I have to just read this letter and put it away and not defend myself.
I did call Kelly last night and left a message saying I was hurt at these accusations and I wondered where she received her facts since I had spoken to no one and that well, if April had no clue I was inactive and you (kelly) had me marked as an Apostate, well then I was confused and hurt and that I hope she can dignify such awful words with some concrete information. I know it was a pointless attempt, but I had to say something.
Going forward though, I have to keep my mouth shut. Right now, it's not a direction I want to go. The most that defending myself is going to get me is df'd and I don't want that right now. Having my mom around for my daughter is very important to me.
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FlyingHighNow
You sound pretty new at this. Otherwise you would not be shocked. It hurts when people we love reject us though. As more time goes by, you're going to realize they are only doing what they've been brainwashed to do. You've got all of us out here, still your brothers and sisters, only better. We are not fair weather friends. No one is going to tell us to shun you.
As time goes on, you're going to see how shallow and cheesy those folks are anyway. They'll spend hundreds of hours knocking on doors and never find a student. Then when they finally do find one, they will spend 100's of hours studying with the person and mollycoddleing them. Once the person is baptized, though? Forget it. If that person falters and misses meetings or says the wrong thing, the attention will stop.
All that effort to bring a person in and no effort at all to keep them in. How ludicrous.
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dawg
I've seen similar hundereds of times, just be thankful you out of this BS and can now find true friends that will listen to your point of view... good luck
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Finally-Free
The intention was not to help, it was to hurt. People who act like that are not friends. Never were, and never could be. They are shit.
Even if you believed JW doctrine and decided to go back to the JWs, would you want to resume association with someone like that?
I wouldn't.
W
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OnTheWayOut
You've got all of us out here, still your brothers and sisters, only better. We are not fair weather friends. No one is going to tell us to shun you.
I am going to be there for my friend that still believes it is still the truth. I am going to be
better, now that I am not an active JW.The same goes for the rest of you. If you go back to the JW's, I will still gladly speak with,
chat with, hell- I will even EAT with any of you that go back to the hall.YL1999, keep the relationship with Mom. It sounds like you know how to fade by being
careful what you say. You don't have to pretend you are a good JW, just have to be quiet sometimes. -
Bobbi
I can honestly say I know how you feel, the following is a copy of an email a close friend sent to me. I changed the names for their privacy.
Bobbi
After being up all night thinking about our conversation.
I keep going back to one point, and that is you've become very self centred, and selfish. Its true that the seperating work has already started. All you had to say for yourself was...you went on line, read apostate crap and so now your a better person. whatever.
In reality all youve done is put yourself above Jehovah, in that your trust is not in him, but in yourself!
Its sad that Satan put hardly no effert into gainning your loyalty.
What future do those boys have now? Do you want your children to only know this system? Who honestly cares whether or not our kids see college? I dont even want XXXXXXX to start kingergarden...I Want the new system to come, Im praying that my kids dont have to strugle the way Justin and I do just to get by. Because I do love them, not because Im affraid.
So if your choise is to leave Jehovah, then youve already left me... If I feel this betraid and this hurt and angree with you....How could you posibly think Jehovah is still lessioning to your prayers? Do you think Jehovah is proud of you?
As a friend, Im going to say smarten up. As your sister Im throghing a bucket of water on you and telling you, your thinking is wrong and you should know better given your being raised in the truth...Im willing to help you come back, do whatever it takes to win my friend back, you know were i am.
Untill then I miss you, I'm sorry I've lost you.
I still cry when I read that. -
Finally-Free
Bobbi:
and that is you've become very self centred, and selfish.
I dont even want XXXXXXX to start kingergarden...I Want the new system to come,
In other words, your "friend" would like to see 6 billion men, women, and children butchered at armageddon. That's so much better than having their kid go to school. But you are the one who is "self centred and selfish", right?
W
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Mickey mouse
I am ashamed to say that I wrote such a letter to a lifelong friend when she left a decade ago. A couple of years ago I bumped into her, we got chatting and we are now in contact again. Thankfully she didn't hold a grudge. I hope your friends see the light eventually like I did.