The manipulation is sickening... (page 2)

megaflower

I was once told if you are going to be a good witness it is either black or white.NO Grey Areas.

yeah it's sickening only if you let it go there. My mother, a grand master of manipulation, worked on me for years and it worked for a lot of those years until I got tired of feeling bad and feeling worst when I would go to visit her. For some reason my bad humor during those visits was assumed to be related to my husband (that wasn't the reason). I had to learn to put up bounderies, now I enjoy saying "no" and "that's none of your business". "No" is such a liberating word.

Josie

hillbilly

If your mom is a bit narcasistic already (by breeding or learned bahavior) the whole black and white JW control mentality will just make it worse.

You have to stand up for yourself and take the ball to her court.

~Hill

ex-nj-jw

As an adult it's hard to be respectful when someone is disrespecting you. You are an adult and as someone else has already stated you have to set boundaries and stick to them. Just because your mother gave you life does not mean she has to right to impose her thoughts and way of life and thinking on you and that you have to take it.

So set your boundaries and say no when you need to, I've had to do just that with my crazy JW mom. I'm not a child and if you disrespect me then all bets are off. You have to give it to get it in my book.

nj

2112

I know it is sad here all the time, that when a JW starts to think for themself that is when their journey begins. They start to see the lies and manipulation and it affects them. They then have to make a choice. Do I leave, do I stay in and pretend it is ok, (For family etc.) or do I tell myself that there is something wrong with me and I need correction? When we take that course we cause ourselfs extreme mental and emotional anguish. I'm sure many of us have been there, and or know people that are there. How sad it is to see and experience. And trying to talk to them is futile. You tell them you are overworked and tired, they say it's because you need to do more.

I remember a conversation I had with an anointed elder about music. I am a guitarest/vocalist and I love rock (Big JW no no). He says that all music is evil other than , you guessed it, Kingdom Melodies, and some classical (provided it was not writen for the church). He said it causes a "spirit of rebelliousness". I said "Really, so if I agree with you then I would have to get rid of all my music collection. And if I disagree with you, I am proving you right by being rebellious?" His responce was "Yes". I think he was suprised that I saw through his set up so quickly but he would not back down.

It is that type of self-righteousness reasoning that is impossable to argue aginst. "It's the truth because I believe it, and if I believe it that is all the proof I need." I still say that most JW are good but missled people, and it is so sad.

anewme

You speak with much wisdom 2112

AuroraB

I know it is sad here all the time, that when a JW starts to think for themself that is when their journey begins. They start to see the lies and manipulation and it affects them. They then have to make a choice. Do I leave, do I stay in and pretend it is ok, (For family etc.) or do I tell myself that there is something wrong with me and I need correction? When we take that course we cause ourselfs extreme mental and emotional anguish. I'm sure many of us have been there, and or know people that are there. How sad it is to see and experience. And trying to talk to them is futile. You tell them you are overworked and tired, they say it's because you need to do more.

I remember a conversation I had with an anointed elder about music. I am a guitarest/vocalist and I love rock (Big JW no no). He says that all music is evil other than , you guessed it, Kingdom Melodies, and some classical (provided it was not writen for the church). He said it causes a "spirit of rebelliousness". I said "Really, so if I agree with you then I would have to get rid of all my music collection. And if I disagree with you, I am proving you right by being rebellious?" His responce was "Yes". I think he was suprised that I saw through his set up so quickly but he would not back down.

It is that type of self-righteousness reasoning that is impossable to argue aginst. "It's the truth because I believe it, and if I believe it that is all the proof I need." I still say that most JW are good but missled people, and it is so sad.

I used to believe that "most" of the JWs are good but misled as well. I still tend to have a less harsh viewpoint of the group as a whole, but as I look into the training the specific groups within the congregation get, especially the elders, I'm not too sure just how "misled" they are. The elders use these manipulation tactics that are not intended to help you, but are formulated to make you feel bad, unworthy, like you're not doing enough. Even giving the elder in your own example the benefit of the doubt, his surprise that you were following along with what he was doing is enough to clue me into the fact that his motivations are not as benign as we are trained to think. If he really believed what he was saying about music and sincerely wanted to help you, he shouldn't have been surprised that you were intelligent enough to catch his point, he should have been happy that you understood and were considering his words. The more my eyes open to human behavior, the less inclined I am to give people an excuse for their poor and sometimes harmful behavior.

Just my 2 cents.

The manipulation is sickening...