Hello Ken, I'm sorry to hear about your cousin. I was reading the other day that people are happy in their childhood then they get depressed in midlife than by the time they get in their 70's they get happy again. It sound's like your not getting your season of happiness.
What goes through my mind when I read your post is maybe you should surrender and give your life to Jesus. Maybe that will give you some peace.
I myself today do not live that life or advocate it but I am 55. At 72, if you havent found anything to give you peace I would consider taking the Jesus pill in all sincerity.
You are right about enjoying the time you have left. We should all live everyday as if its our last.
Have you considered anti depressants paxil, prozac. My mother takes paxil, shes in her 70's and she seems somewhat oblivious, happy.
Best wishes Have a great day and year.