by Thegoodgirl 58 Replies latest social relationships
I have a question:
How long do you stay in love? For those of you who are married, are you together "just for the kids"? Everyone I know who is married isn't really in love. They all seem to have lost that spark a few years into it. My own parents divorced when I was 7, so I don't have them for an example.
For those of you not married, what have your expeiences been in relationships as far as how long the "in love" thing lasted?
Just wondering what's normal.
I loved and still love every woman that came in my life, they all left me with something... I'm alone now, but hope my next love will be my last...this dawg has stopped his wondering ways. Love lasts forever if you ask me.
I agree with Dawg. Forever. I've been married for 20 years. Love my wife more now than ever before. Can't imagine life without her. Here's the deal though. I still love my 1st love. Not the same woman. Wouldn't trade my wife for anyone, but I will never forget what it felt like to be in love for the 1st time. If I saw her now, I'd give her a big hug and tell her what a great life I have. No regrets, I just realize that feelings don't really go away-they just get put aside for reality. We can live in the present or make ourselves miserable with the "what might have beens".
CCS
I've been married for 12 years. He is still my greatest love.
There are others I have known over the years whom I still love. If it never dies, then you really loved them, imho.
The one I lost because he was not a Witness still hurts the most. It's just one of those "what if" thangs.
Whenever I hear someone say they are "in love" or they are "falling in love", I think they are speaking of that highly emotional, highly irrational, but very good and sometimes walking on the clouds feeling you have at the beginning of a relationship. Some call it the honeymoon phase. Sometimes it is the beginning of love. Sometimes it is just lust. I've had a similar feeling once in my life, but it lasted maybe 3 or 4 years.
I don't like the phrase "real love", but to distinguish love from being "in love", I'll use it. Real love is much more rational, and permanent. You might start out "in love", but after a while you see the faults, then each person does that something pisses the other off really bad, and they decide that they still love each other. I may be agnostic, but I still like 1 Corinthians 13. That kind of love lasts a lifetime. I think that's what most of the people who posted before me are talking about.
Yes, I still love the person who I was "in love" with.
Do you mean that "in love" craziness that heralds the beginning of a relationship? It lasts about 2 years on average (if it is the particularly strong kind). It is mostly biological. "Real" love is not like that, and it is not easy either-even though it usually starts with the "falling in love" stage. But over time, it grows, and becomes something much greater than the emotional mania of "falling in love". Any crumb bum can fall in love. The other love, like all good things, requires a certain kind of commitment.
Burn
The sexuality group in Aspie-quiz contains unusual sexual preferences and gender issues. 241 In Africa, homosexuality seems uncommon 242 and the HIV-epidemic is largely due to heterosexual activities. 243 In Europe, the spread of HIV is largely by homosexual activities. The Neanderthal group bonding likely looked strikingly similar to bonobos. Bonobos are a female dominated species. The bonobo female uses non-reproductive sex to handle males. They are also highly promiscuous, and cannot select to mate with only alpha males, rather mate with all the males in their group. The Schadenfreude and Rousseau affect, as well as masochism must have it's origin in a female dominant species. For this reason, Neanderthals must have been a female dominated species. Some autistics feel they were born with the wrong gender. 244 It is common for autistic females to be tomboys and for autistic males to be more passive than is normal. Autistics also more often than normally engage in BD/SM and thus masochism. 245 They are also more often homo- and bisexual. 246 Chimps have a high rate of male infanticide, and males often use coercive methods to mate with females. This manifests itself as male violence against females, rape and infanticide in modern humans. All these traits originated in Hss, and are expected to have been more or less non-existent in Neanderthals. Violence against females, rape and infanticide are fundamentally incompatible with masochism. Bonobos engage in all kinds of sex. They do this because of the need to control males. By having sex with all the males in the group, they insure that males don't know if they are fathers or not, and therefore they will not commit infanticide. Their aggressive behavior is also controlled in this way. This correlates with unusual sexual behaviors in humans. Unusual sexual preferences is more common autistics. 247 Since Neanderthals were female dominated, it's very probable Neanderthal females needed to use this same tactic to control males. Monogamy within the group was probably not part of Neanderthal behavior. Rather, the group in itself functioned like a group-level analogy of monogamy. We might label it endogamous groups. Females needed to ensure that males stayed in the group, and just didn't pregnate the females and move onto a new group. If they allowed this, males would surely choose this route, as this would maximize their reproductive output. Another reason for this is that males switching between groups would commit infanticide and the one's that stayed would experience paternal uncertainty. It's crucial that females had some means of assuring that males stayed in the group. They solved this by not allowing males to participate in reproduction until they had shown their loyalty and abilities to the group. It is common for autistics to not like to socialize with stangers 153 and to bond strongly with group-members. 168 From this evolved special interests, that many autistics males have. These are also keys to success for many professionals and scientists. Special interests are often long-term, and this indicates that males had to impress on females during long periods of time. Sex was the glue that kept the group together, in much the same way it is in bonobos, but only men that had shown loyalty were allowed to participate in reproduction. Exhibitionism was a courtship cue used by males. 248 Exhibitionism is more common in Western Europe than in Africa. 249 Reproduction was most likely seasonal.
Here are some key issues in the group structure:
Masochism and exhibitionism is analogue to bonobo's to non-reproductive sex. 250 It served an important function in keeping the group together, as well as keeping males from committing infanticide and probably as a means of population control. Females were fully in charge of mate choice and reproduction.
All kinds of sex was practiced. This serves as the origin for homosexuality, bisexuality and group sex. This is the same as is seen in bonobos.
The group core was made up of females, and they probably were related.
Males were accepted into the group by other males. Today this manifests itself as voluntary cuckoldry, a very odd behavior where whites invite blacks and other non-whites to have sex with their partner. The reason they choose non-whites, is that only males not part of other groups were allowed. Whites by these males are identified with other groups, while blacks are identified with "other" and not part of any group.
A strong sense of group-identity is expected. This has connections to the large amount of societies, clubs and indeed internet groups today's Neanderthal descendants like to participate in. It's a replacement for their preference for a group identity.
The group was isolated from other groups, and sex was not practiced between groups, since this would violate paternal certainty in males. The group worked because males knew the group would take care of his offspring, and because females required showing quality through long-term focusing abilities (special interests).
Female aggressiveness toward females not present of their own group is expected. This is the analogue to the male-male competition of male dominant humans. Female-female aggression would function as a means of keeping males in the group. It's anticipated that today's autistic females have a notion of owing their males. This kind of female-female competition would be intense in Neanderthals.
A bizarre synchronicity Mincan! That is one of my favorite web links. I buy it!
You may enjoy this one also.
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Neanderthal+site%3Agnxp.com
Damn, the link does not work right.
Copy and paste this into your google search box:
Neanderthal site:gnxp.com
Dawg/Cold Creek/Dinah/Maxwell:
Thanks. That makes sense that you never forget your past "love". I find that too. Not that I would go running back to them, but there is a place in my mind that I always sort of think of them as a part of my life. Hoping they are doing okay with theirs.
Minican/Burn the Ships:
Interesting. And depressing to boil it all down to Neanderthals and sex. But anyway, you both have a point, and it puts things into a bit of perspective...
I hope I have that kind of love that lasts years like some of you guys have. That is awesome.
