How many of you Ex Jehovah's Witnesses married early and it was a disaster?

by isnrblog 54 Replies latest jw friends

  • StAnn
    StAnn

    Actually, let me ask for some advice. My son is 24 and DF'd. He has a friend of the same age who is a JW in good standing, married to a pioneer. The friend is miserable, feels he married too young, and wants out of the JWs but knows it will mean a divorce. He's been hanging around my son's house because my son is single and there are lots of girls about (DS has two single male roommates, also!). DS thinks there may be cheating already occurring and he thinks it's his friend's desperate way to get his wife to let him out of the marriage and the religion all in one whack.

    Both of them have JW parents who are elders/pioneers. This will not be pretty.

    I wantd the boy to actually sit down and have an honest heart-to-heart with his wife about his misgivings about the JWs. Who knows, maybe she's dissatisfied too. He's afraid to do that. He assumes she won't listen.

    What advice can I give this boy and my son, who feels caught in the middle?

  • StAnn
    StAnn

    Oh, and BTW, yes, I married 6 weeks after I turned 18, divorced at 24. He was and is an idiot. The only thing we had in common was the religion.

  • yesidid
    yesidid

    Married at 18. Best thing I ever did, though I was too young to realize it at the time.

    50 years later..................................................................love him more and more every day.

    yesidid

  • isnrblog
    isnrblog

    Wow. This JW guy may be in for a hit. I guess that the only thing I can say us that disfellowshipping is not that bad.

    Maybe your son could tell him that.

    In my case, I really am much happier DF'd.

    I'd say go with your heart.

    Fred www.isnrblog.com

  • StAnn
    StAnn

    Yesidid,

    Wow 50 years and love him more every day? What's your secret?

  • misguided
    misguided

    In my case, I really am much happier DF'd.

    Me too.

    Married just days after turning 20, he was the same age (we were 3 weeks apart.) He was an elder's son. He left me 10 days before our 5th baby was born just after our 7th anniversary. While I was in the hosptal having pregnancy complications, he moved in with a girl from his work. It didn't work out for him, and to this day, he is still unmarried, no long-term relationship, living in Calgary. I did not understand then, that I should have left the JW's with him - we may have made it. That was 14 years ago, and he's still df'd (and embarrassingly, partially my fault for turning him in.)

    My 2nd jw husband was horribly abusive, yet the elders took his side on everything. He beat on my kids, to the point social services told me I had to get him out of the home, or they were going to apprehend my children. He ended up doing a 30 day sentence and 1 year probation for what he did to us. The JW's embrace him. I'm the outcast. He only pays his child support when threatened with jail time (my 6th child, now 10, is his.) In order to escape from that marriage, I did the nasty, and cheated on him. Obviously, In the process, I also had to leave the JW's. {edited to add: the main reason I married this man was because, some "loving" sister told me after my 1st husband left "who's going to want you with 5 small kids --- so I took the 1st offer I had, It certainly wasn't for love.}

    I am now in a very awesome relationship with a "worldly" man, engaged and to be married this spring. He treats my children like his own. He treats me so awesome. Who'd have thought leaving the "truth" would lead me to so much happiness. My kids (the 10 year old, and the other 5, now 14 1/2 to 20) are happy. They thank me for leaving the JW's, and love my new soon-to-be husband (we bought a house and have been officially living together since March of 2007.)

  • choosing life
    choosing life

    I was married before I became a witness-we were 19 and 20. Still happily married after 30 years.

    I have watched my children's friends get married and divorced in a few years. Is it just me or is the divorce rate for the younger witnesses really going up?

  • flipper
    flipper

    ISNRBLOG- I married as a witness " kid " at 19, my witness wife had just barely turned 18 . You were forced to marry as you say - if you wanted to have sex. But the only real things we had in common were being Jehovah's Witnesses and both wanted to have sex ! LOL! I tried to hold it together as we were married 19 years till I was 40, her 38 . Held it together for the kids sake and the witnesses. But she had flashbacks to being molested as a young teenager - did not get counseling, and our marriage and sex life was doomed. So, it's been 10 years now , we both moved on, she remarried as did I , so things are as they should be. I am close to my non-witness 23 year old son, and she still has a strangehold on my 21 and 19 year old witness daughters . I hope in time my daughters get free of the witnesses

  • yesidid
    yesidid

    StAnn`said:

    Wow 50 years and love him more every day? What's your secret?

    Thank you for asking.

    Well it’s simply really. You just find yourself a loving, caring, thoughtful, unselfish, considerate mate……………………………………… then………………………………………..you love them to bits, which isn’t really hard when they are all the above.

    Gotta say I was very, very lucky

    .

    yesidid

  • MMae
    MMae

    I married at 19. We spent 12 very difficult years together. I finally asked for separation while we worked out problems. He walked away. Had I known that is how it was going to go, I would have gotten the separation (and subsequent divorce) MUCH sooner.

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