In my computer room

by wings 25 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Eliveleth

  Hi everyone,

  My "computer room" is a desk crowded up close to my bed. I used to have a room to myself for my computer, but gradually my family

  grew to 8 people and crowded me out. It is better than it was, my old computer crashed so now I have an all-in-one which takes up about a foot and a

  half, about half of my desk. My fax/copy/printer is next to it. I have three shelves above it where I have all my supplies, CDs. My total 'office space' is about 5x5x6. It is a little crowded, but it works.

  Love and hugs,

  Gramma Velta
• 

  Warlock

  I can hear the wind - it's usually so windy that it feels as if the house will blow away, but it never does.

  H,

  Where do you live, Fontana?

  Warlock
• 

  Sparkplug

  Hi Wings!

  My computer room is a buzz of activity. It is a built room that used to be a garage. They lifted the floor and layed wood parquet down and opened it up to the living room via French doors. There is a big window across one side and I can watch TV from the room by looking into the living room from my desk. I have my bed, camera equipment, costumes, lighting, and dress clothes all along one wall in this makeshift closet (but no doors).

  As you , I have loved, cried, gone crazy, lived, hidden and healed in this room. I have gone through marriages, divorce, debt, rejoicing and bringing my baby girl home, and family breakings in this room. The doors are mostly open and my kids come and go freely from the other parts of the house into here. When friends stop by, they always wind up in this room. I think it is the most welcoming. We have pierced ears, noses, braided hair, and cut hair here.

  I write, edit photos, plan scheme and have lusted here.

  My house will be torn down this year and it will be hard on many of us and I have been called and told by many that it is going to be odd to not have this room to come and crash and have talks in. My girlfriend and I have been drunk here, we have cried and yelled at each other here. Xmas presents are stored and wrapped here. Budgets set and broken. Dreams dreamed and euphoria reached as with disaster come smashing.

  Above the computer are pictures of loved ones and family. My children current and past. Photos loved ones have sent me from overseas and tickets I still have to take care of pinned to the wall.

  There are boxes of paper I have to sort through yet and work I need to get done, and plans I need to finish. Baskets of unfinished dresses I have not sewn yet and scattered and assorted ideas I have not finished before I got distracted to the next project.

  My teenage girl and her ex-step sister used to come in here and raid my perfume, my clothing and always had to look and clean out my jewelry. My littlest hangs onto my chair now and types letters to my friends and cam's it up with friends overseas. My son works late into the night on homework/facebook and my house used to be filled with a live band for a few good years when things were different. Heavy guitar slashing metal heads and great acoustic folk players have played here late into the night. A full set of Tama's have stood in the corner where now a printer stands.

  If anything is missing...it usually can be found at the computer desk. There are boxes of pictures and boxes of letters and love and distress...letters and notes, files and oh so much in the memory department.

  It will all be gone soon, and even though there is a soft part of me that can see the kids running up to me throughout the years in this room...jumping on the bed and crying over heartbreaks, it is time to move on. I think a new computer room and workroom/bedroom willl be good.

  Change is good. So I think about the good. Wash out the bad and we wil see what the new computer space looks like when we get there.

  Decki
• 

  JK666

  wings,

  I noticed your "leaving the building" comment. I hope you are referring to your cross-country journey, and not something permenant. I know that you have been depressed lately, and hope you are cheering up. If not, drop me a PM and we can talk. Okay?

  My office is also my smoking room, and not the neatest place in the world. I refer to it as "The Pit Of Dispair." I will save you the visual.

  John
• 

  wings

  Change is good. So I think about the good. Wash out the bad and we wil see what the new computer space looks like when we get there.

  Change is good. It is tomorrow. What do they say about tomorrow?.....oh yes...the sun will come out. We have to hope.
• 

  wings

  Yes John, I mean my cross country journey. I'm good. I went to bed last night with a smile on my face. (I'm sleeping in the room with my Mom, so a smile isn't to be taken for granted.) I am obsessed, but that is another story.

  I just had to pay homage to my room. It has taken me through a tough but important time in my life. Temporary spaces sometimes are the most memorable.
• 

  Hortensia

  hey Warlock, I live out in the desert east of Fontana. The wind from the coast funnels through the pass at Banning and builds up pressure. Blows like heck out here.
• 

  Sparkplug

  I am trying so hard to correct the typos...but I cannot get the freaking edit feature to take. It keeps reading error. Whats up with that? At any rate, I see the errors this time and I WANT to fix them, but do not seem to be able to. WOW this sucks!

  And yes wings...the sun will be out. I am excited for the change. I miss NM and I willl be there soon. There are many people that have lived here over the years and I have all those memories in my head, some bad...mostly good and even though the home will be flattened, you can't take those away from me, nor them.

  This place was holidays for many exjw's and a few will not be able to ever see the outside walls of a prison, so it was their last holidays. There is a HUGE Xmas scene across the street at the end of the year. Santa's village and there is this tree I love with lights so big and spaced. I wanted one last year in front of that tree and I got it. Then I wanted the buyers to let me stay here till June...they agreed. So I cannot complain. I know it is only going to get more pressing as time goes by. The city wanted this land.

  I had hoped my last set of holidays would have been better, for example we would not have been broke, and maybe things would have been so different...but I think it was a huge telling for me to wake up and say to myself that if something I wanted so badly was so damn crap...I think it was time for a change. Next Xmas morning, my son may be gone. Off to college. He may not come back. I just wanted his last year here to be a good one. instead he woke up to hell that AM. I just know it is time for us to go. None of us REALLY like it in little ways....but it feels so RIGHT in many ways. And I am happy and feel like I have gained so much of myself and them back by starting to do this.

  Like today, Sunday, I usually wake up and goof of on JWD and the computer in this room. Instead, I slept in. I got up, went to see my mom and spent quality time with my girls. Had a few kids over and we hot glued all we could find on old colored wine bottles I have been saving. still broke as a mugg but it was fun. We all pitched in and just had fun. It was more of what life should be. Peace. Then By the time I was done, bathtime and my littlest was so tired she took a bath no argument and ate and went right to bed. Now I get to goof.

  Here at the desk again, but with a twist. I have a day of "LIFE" in front of my computer goofing. Something to talk about and something to think about and treasure instead of cry or dwell on. It just is good.

  So this next week, I am starting the packing process and hon, I do believe it gets better. I really do. I hope that when we get there, maybe we can meet you. You might like our new computer room. Maybe we will too!

  Decki
• 

  wings

  Decki, where are you going? Will you still be in TX?
• 

  Sparkplug

  In this room I have felt pain, grief, remorse, and an occasional fleeting hope...I'm still trying to catch it. I have felt dumb, (just a post JW thing) and sometimes I remember that I am really fairly smart. I have to keep remembering that, keep remembering that. Someday I will be me again.

  I think this is what struck me and sent me on a roll. Wings, this is some powerful writing. And I just had to correct one part of your sentence. "I remember that I am really smart."

  Having sat recently through 2 months of intensive inpatient therapy, all day everyday, and then followed up by one and twice a week therapy at a private therapist that deals with people of post cult and PTSD mind thinking as her specialty, I have this urge to jump in and tell you how very smart you are. Don't be passive with yourself. People who have been in a cult or have been lead to believe they are the one messed up due to other peoples wacked thinking tend to be so much more robust with being able to tell other people about themselves and their strong points than they are about telling themselves their own.

  I am saying this as I do the same for you as I still struggle to do this for myself....BUT, if you had the strength to leave the JW's, you are VERY smart and all you are feeling is normal. It is hard and your repeating positive things to yourself is absolutely perfect. You need to keep doing that. For as many times as we have been brainwashed into doubting our own reliance on our own opinions....we need to unbrainwash ourselves just as much!!

  Decki