I've been trying to think of a reason to stay with the WT ORG. Can't think of one,but can think of many reasons why ineed to leave. First of all, a few years ago when I thought the Bros. were God, I tried to help my daughter who was having kindof a hard time. Well, she had Witness boyfriend and they did a little more than they should have if you get my drift. Anyway, the elders meetings were terrible.They had no idea how to handle the situation. One of them sat there and actually said that she needed to pay close attention to what he said because when you talked to him you were talking to Jehovah!!!Well that really blew my mind. I think that was the moment I really started doubting everything I had ever beleived. The nerve of him. I still regret not gettin up and walking out. I would now but not before calling him the biggest *****hypocrite in the world.Then to top it off, the boyfriends mother who was supposed to be my best friend, blamed me for her dear little boy getting in trouble.I still can't stand looking at her and this happened back 5 or 6 years ago.Of course after this my daughter was MARKED as not good association. What bull!!! Afew months later we all made plans to go to a concert, of course when this good friend finds that my daughter is going, her and the she-male of the cong. come over quoting scriptures on why they can't go with me if she comes too. So I said fine. I choose my daughter over you any day. S, we go to the concert, me and my daughter, and they don't even speak to us. Was the best time I ever had.There are so many other things that have happened and I"m sorry to bore all of you to death, but it is so theraputic for me to get this all out. Thank you all for being there.Let me know what you would have done in my place.
Another reason for leaving.
by crapola 10 Replies latest jw friends
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GoddessRachel
I think you did the absolute best thing to go with your daughter. Your daughter didn't make you choose, your fake friends did. And you chose correctly. I know how hard all of this is. It hurts so badly to know that your friendships are all based on the conditions of the WTS.
Sorry you are going through this. Do what you have to do to get out, as you mentioned you have tried to make a list of reasons why you should stay, and can't even come up with one thing, but your list of reasons why you should leave is growing. That means something. Stay here, and keep reading and posting, you will learn a lot. Read the Best of Section and learn the pros and cons of fading versus disassociating. I faded. It allows me to still talk to my JW parents from time to time. The rest of my JW friends are gone, but it's my parents I care the most about.
Also, if you haven't done so already, read Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz. It will change your life.
PEACE,
Rachel
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real one
rachel very good advice
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GoddessRachel
Thanks, Real One. I just know how it feels to be in her place, am still there to a point, it seems, I think those of us who have/had lots to lose by walking away from the WTS will always feel torn and tormented to a point, but it doesn't mean leaving is the wrong choice. A good friend said to me today that we have to do what is best for us personally, but the best choice isn't always the easiest choice. I think that is very good advice.
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Hortensia
Hi Crapola,
Nice to hear from you again. I'm glad you chose your daughter. The WTBTS is so perfectionist. They practically force teenagers to rebel, because there is no patience, no compassion, no understanding and no effort to help kids. You can't get out of your teen years without making some bad choices. The family and the congregation ought to try to help kids not make bad choices, and help them figure out how to solve their problems. And the last thing you should do is totally reject a teen who is in trouble. I have a dear friend who was raised JW (we were in the same cong.) She was raped at 18, became pregnant, made some bad choices about trying to cover up the pregnancy. When she was found out, she was kicked out. Disfellowshipped and abandoned by her parents and friends. Imagine leading a sheltered JW life for 18 years and then being put out on the street with no education, no skills, no support group. She has created a great life for herself over the last 40 years, but the pain is still there, and the distrust and anxiety.
I could get really angry about this, which isn't good for me. But I was a JW teen and I remember how awful it all was. My sympathy is with your daughter.
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WTWizard
If you are deciding whether to stay or leave, you must weigh all the costs and benefits (another reason why no college--economics classes are really useful in this decision). First, you need to be totally honest with yourself. If not, you are going to make a bad decision.
First, find all the costs associated with being in. The costs can in fact be negative, if in fact you forgo something that itself would be bad. Notice the opportunity costs--they tend to dominate. Money costs include what you pay for gas and excess wear on your car, donations to the Worldwide Pedophile Defense Fund, and any hospitality to the hounder-hounder and others. Your opportunity cost is what you could have done with the time you spend in the organization, mainly that you could have worked or done personal projects instead of going to the intrusive boasting sessions or out in field circus. To the extent that your health is suffering because of tower stress, the Pioneer Diet, or not enough sleep, that adds to the costs.
Now, honestly count the benefits. These too can be negative. What value do you get from the association? Do you get value from the boasting sessions or from being out in field circus? You will probably get some value, though it will be less than the total cost and could include negative value. (Just getting outside for a walk or the social aspect can provide a little value.) You might get some entertainment value our of reading the littera-trash (again, that value can be negative if it makes you want to puke). Traveling to the Grand Boasting Session could give people some value, though it is likely to be much less than the opportunity cost and the total value of those things is usually negative. The value of having someone else doing your thinking is one that you should look at--usually, however, it comes with a sky high opportunity cost.
You need to be totally honest here. Otherwise, you will make a bad choice. If you think living forever is a plus, and do not fully integrate what it actually means, you are likely to stay in and suffer for zero or negative value. Is it reliable? If you think so, go to one of those sites like Freeminds to find out all the flipflops and false promises that Armageddon was coming before. How reliable have they been with personal promises? Did they regularly promise things only to pull them out from under your feet? If so, then counting it as a value will be misleading. And, did you REALLY enjoy those Christmas lights that you cannot have? If so, and you don't count that, you are going to miss yet another opportunity cost. Catching and counting them all is the best way of making the best decision.
Once you make a decision, others will try to alter your decision. However, they are not bearing the opportunity cost and could well benefit from your continued association in ways that could sap value from you. They are going to hound you to stay, regardless of what the cost-benefit analysis tells you is proper. They might even reiterate promises. If they do, ask if they were honest the first time. If they fibbed the first time, they are probably fibbing this time as well. You should stick with the decision you make based on cost-benefit analysis. They might even try to increase the cost of leaving by threatening or harassing you to stay. (Of course, if they do that, they are really trying to force you to make a bad decision, and it means that staying is always a bad decision).
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crapola
Hey, thanks for all the advice. Just wanted everyone to know that my daughter left theOrg, married a very good man and now goes to church and is happier than ever. Has a10 month old baby girl and another one on the way, so her decision to leave this mess has worked out great for her.
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bluesbreaker59
Crapola,
That was a heart wrenching account, and one I'm all too familiar with. Going in front of the elders as a teen is not easy, and frankly, dammit, ITS NOT RIGHT!!! Why do these 60+ year old men need to know what 17 year olds are doing??? IN GRAPHIC DETAIL!!! PERVERTS!!! They are getting there jollies from this. The scripture says you MAY call in the older men to pray over you, it doesn't say anything about being drug through the mud by a group of old perverts, and told how terrible you are. Good grief (SAFE) sexual experimentation is important for teens, that way they can be healthy, sexual adults in their serious relationships and marriages. I'm not advocating being promiscuous, but having a few partners, and practicing safe sex doesn't hurt anybody. This organization also stifles creative thinking, independent thought, and individuality, all things that you need to be a successful person out here in THE REAL WORLD!!!
My advice, stop listening to those puffed up, windbag janitors, and go enjoy real life. Enjoy your family, enjoy your hobbies, go find a church that has truly warm, caring people in it, and still allows independent thought, go make REAL FRIENDS. The air is fresher, the sky is more blue and the grass is greener out here, it was truly the best decision I've ever made for myself.
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Honesty
Hey, thanks for all the advice. Just wanted everyone to know that my daughter left theOrg, married a very good man and now goes to church and is happier than ever. Has a10 month old baby girl and another one on the way, so her decision to leave this mess has worked out great for her. crapola
Fantastic !!! -
sooner7nc
Afew months later we all made plans to go to a concert, of course when this good friend finds that my daughter is going, her and the she-male of the cong. come over quoting scriptures on why they can't go with me if she comes too.
When she says she-male, she means the biggest bull-dyke you've ever seen in your life (no offense to any lesbians in the group). This Ol' Gal could swing a sledgehammer harder than I can, and I'm one big fella. Another thing about her was her fanaticism. Once, when I was younger, one of my friends was at a "get-together" and was doing a bad imitation of a jungle head-hunter, you know, saying stuff like "ooga booga", just simple kidplay. Well, Ol' Gal waddles her way over there, pulls my friend to the side, and proceeds to chastise him for using "improper language". This bitch said that it was possible that my friend was saying swear-words in another language, and "as Christians" we wouldn't want to do something like that.
What a douchebag.
sooner7nc