OK parents, let's have a little chat

by zagor 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • zagor
    zagor

    I was visiting some friends today and what struck me was complete lack of imaginations kids have today. They get easily bored. Unless there is internet, video games or TV around they don’t know how to entertain themselves.

    To be fair there are here and there few that play basketball around corners but friends I saw today for instance (and it is similar with many others I know) don’t even let their little man go there out of fear that such kids might have bad influence on him. By the look of it not only witnesses can be too limiting, sometimes modern parents are so cautious that I’m afraid kids are being turned in alternative humans with weird ideas about reality. I guess I was lucky in a way that only one of my parents was a dub so I had considerable amount of freedom but in any event my mom was never too much after me anyway and similar story was with just about all of my peers back then. So I tend to think that there has been a fundamental shift in parental paradigm since I was a kid. I’m starting to think that today’s parents are becoming so permeated with fears that is all bordering with neurotic.

    So what happens is that kids are never too far from where parents can see them which often means indoors "fun" of video games, internet and TV. But how are they ever going to completely grow up if they are not allowed usual kid’s mischief?
    I’m really wondering what happened, because today’s parents must have been kids when I was too and chances are they've had similar amount of latitude and freedom for expression. So I thought let us parents have conversation and remind ourselves what we were like when we were kids and what it did to our development.

    Ok I’ll start by admitting I was one of those geeks that built model airplanes and small rockets and loved to read till early hours in the morning basically falling asleep of exhaustion. But that was not all by a long shot. We used to play a lot of soccer and basketball back then. In fact, these were pretty much the only two sports we knew about back in Europe at least in early beginnings. There was this larger property that was never sold while I was a kid and we (kids from that street) turned it on one side into football field and on another a basketball court. Hell we used to spend hours there. In evening we would still hang around there many times lighting bonfire under the stars and talked until parents would chase us home one by one. But those conversations and talks we kids had are still some of the fondest memories of my childhood.

    During summer time, I used to spend at least a month at my grandparent's place. Hell the sense of adventure and freedom you get when away from parents is, well really fulfilling. Had my parents really knew what I would get up to back then they’d probably gotten a heart attack even back then lol. There was a great lake near by as well as a medium sized river, not only that I went fishing but we often would swim in rather dangerous parts of the river, would try catching snakes and other small ‘beasts’, yup we used to make even our own bows and arrows that got quite some pieces of equipment over the years. Not only that, we made so many of those tree houses that I lost the count, often in trees by the water.
    In winter the whole lake would freeze over and we played hockey. Nope, we never had ice-skating boots we did it in your regular shoes that mysteriously needed to be repaired so often that parents would wonder if something was wrong with the company that produced them.

    I’m not saying everything I did I would love to see my daughter doing but on the other hand you have to let them be kids after all this is the only time in their life they will have chance to be just that.

  • momzcrazy
    momzcrazy

    We completely agree. We don't have playstations or wiis. They have an ipod. We are also fortunate to live in a neighborhood that we feel is safe. So the ride their bikes to their friends' houses. And they ride on the neighbor's golf cart to visit the friends at the end of the cul-de-sac. They carry their cell phones with them when not with us. We also have a basket ball hoop and several soccer balls. After school, if it is warm enough, I let them have a snack and kick them outside to work off steam.

    Our childhoods were much freer. Once it was dark, you came inside. We rode our bikes to the store, to the park and took the bus on our own to the mall. I would never let my kids go the those places alone now. But we just allow them to enjoy the freedom they are able to have. Which is the biggest reason we built our house in a gated community.

    momz

  • dinah
    dinah

    This is one reason we still live in a very small town. My kids do have playstations, but they still go outside to play. Playstation gets boring after a while.

    When I was a kid we just played with rocks and sticks. The only electronics we had were a television (not digital and it only got 5 channels) and radio.

  • zagor
    zagor

    Thanks for that momz,
    Yes I think it is absolutely crucial for them to have time and space for exploration. They need to be inspired and to feel sense of belonging. But most importantly again that latitude and sense of freedom and innocence must be allowed to exist unspoiled otherwise it is very easy to extinguish that fire and curiosity in them.

    Unfortunately, even our school system seems to be designed in a way that destroys creativity and discourages kids from having a go at things. A fear of failure is very early instilled in them and very soon they lose propensity to be inventive and to explore.
    I've just finished listening to a talk given by Sir Ken Robinson. Do take time to listen to this it's a pure gold.

    http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/66

    Or you can download it here http://ted.streamguys.net/ted_robinson_k_2006.mp3

    Thanks Dinah I know exactly what you mean.

  • ex-nj-jw
    ex-nj-jw

    My husband and I had this same conversation last week. We were driving through our neighborhood and he said, "you notice how there are no kids out playing"? See it all the time, kids are no where to be found.

    When we were growing up we stayed outside until the street lights came on. My kids were the same way except they had way more freedom than I did and many more friends (friends that they chose for themselves). They played basketball, football, baseball. Hide and go seek and explored every inch of our neighborhood. They would occassionally come home for something to eat and drink then they'd be off again.

    I'm glad we raised our kids that way. They are so confident, independant and will give most anything a try and are never afraid of failure.

    I agree that parents have to be more cautious now but you can't be too overbearing. Kids need their own space away from parents, imo.

    nj

  • oompa
    oompa

    Parent of two boys here..now 20 and 22. I agree with some of what you pretense is, but some kids living on the the net and v-games have great imagination...to create sites and new games even. Even though both my kids went through the v-game stage, and my 20 year old is still a late night Halo addict, they both liked outdoor stuff, b-ball and f-ball, boating, fishing, hiking, wake/skate/surfboards....playing in the creek, building tree houses and stuff, and especially music...as in playing guitar, drums, sax.

    So I guess what would be good to know is how to develop diversity.....can it be done? Or do they just BECOME.................oompa

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    It's because most parents don't feel it's safe for their children to go outside alone. I fight against that feeling all the time. But when the weather is good I do kick my kids out of the house. Well they tend to beg me first before I kick them out. And I only do so under strict instructions that they are to watch over each other (especially their little brother), they can only go inside a friend's house if they ask me first, and they have to be home before dark. We live in a small subdivision (it's just one big square) and I know most of the parents but I think this year I'm going to put together a phone list just to be a bit safer.

    Josie

    P.S. We have a huge retention pond behind my house and my kids are under strict orders not to be anywhere close to it. Which is hard since most of the kids in the neighborhood go down there.

  • oompa
    oompa

    Retention ponds and creeks build character....and help teach common sense and safety....let them loose!.....oompa

  • mrsjones5
    mrsjones5

    You're funny oompa. Creeks maybe, retention ponds no, because they are not made for kids to play around. They usually have steep embankments and don't bottom out for several feet higher than my oldest boy is tall (about 5'7"). So no retention ponds are out. I hear too many stories each year about kids drowning in retention ponds and I'm not ready for any one of my kids to be the latest.

    Josie

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    Our kids are grown and only the youngest had a video game system.................couldn't afford it until after he came along. They were active kids and always outside doing something. We had a "no TV" rule for daytime. They could watch one show a night, after dinner until weekends.

    Our grandchildren's parents have pretty strict rules about video games and TV and computer time. They can only use them on weekends. Weekdays are for homework and outside activities. If there is time on weekends, they are free to use the screens.

    I did buy a video system last year for them to have when everyone is here...........or just one or two. I babysit a lot and they were begging. I guess times are just different than when we were kids and when we raised ours. Our grandkids (nine altogether) range in age from 2 to 22 and are all growing up beautifully, into kind, responsible adults. I am not worrying about the issue of screens and entertainment too much.

    By the way, all but the 2 and 3 year old are avid readers.

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