I was speaking about the way I described it. Sometimes, it's really hard for me to admit to things, so I don't. I describe it in third party. It get's me 1 step closer to talking about it. But, when I saw that Crumpet was talking about herself, she gave me a bit of courage to just get out and just say it. Anyways, if you want my answer, well, I'll just copy and paste it...
Your mind is racing, like somebody pressed the fast-forward button on you. Then your heard is pounding and everything in your body feels like the blood is racing from one part of the body to the other. You curl up in a ball trying to make it stop and go away. You want to kill yourself because you can't breath and your in such a depressed state of mind that you feel like this huge weight is on you and you can't get it off. It's holding you down to the ground and you feel like you can't move.
Cutting makes that go away instantaneously.
Dear Cognanc
Well done for managing to admit it and your description is spot on.
I have managed to stop for the best part of a year once, i have to be in a really happy place for the most part and feel loved. Its not something I resort to daily or even weekly. It only happens when things are really bad and I feel I can't escape or just cope with my situation anymore.
I wish heartfelt improvement to all who battle with this to find a place of safety and peace with themseves so they can find healthy coping mechanisms to deal with these issues, including myself.
crumpet x