Family :-(

by Bumble Bee 24 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Bumble Bee

  Do you ever wish your family was different than what you have? I would so love to have the type of family a friend of mine has. They are all very very close, their children are very close, they get together every Sunday for Brunch, each sibling takes a turn at having it at their place. They vacation together, do things together etc, are all very supportive of each other.

  I should have a huge family, there are basically three sides, my fathers, my mothers and my step mother and I have 5 siblings and unfortunately none of us are close. For whatever reason, after my mother died, her side of the family pretty much forgot about us. My father, after he was DF'd for smoking in the early '70's never really re established contact with his brother (my uncle that just passed away) who was his only sibling. I would see my aunt and uncle and cousins when I"d visit my grandparents, but they never came to our place, or kept in contact unless I was in visiting gran. My step mother has a pretty close knit family, but with her being the only JW, we were on the fringe there too.

  I've tried over the years to get closer to my older siblings, but for one, they are much older than I (ranging from 7 to 13 years) and didn't want to have anything to do with "the truth" so my parents did not allow me to associate with them, so it's very hard now to establish a relationship with them (that's just one reason).

  I have a younger half brother and sister. My brother is now out of the JW's (yah!!) and I really thought we'd have a better relationship now, but it's still been very hard to get closer. Over the years I've tried, inviting them over for dinners, bbq's, up to our cabin etc, and while things will be ok for a short time, it's like he and his family pull away or forget about Mem and I. I call to talk and they have call display and never answer the phone, leave a message and am lucky to hear back from them (but don't not return thier call!! ouch). There is more, but that's the short version.

  What prompted these thoughts today was 1) finding out days after that my uncle had died, and 2) finding out on Facebook this morning that my niece is out of province on a special school trip - it would have been nice to have talked to her before she left and give her some money for the trip (I found out after the fact that there were fund raising things for this trip that I would have gladly contributed to if I had of known).

  There are people that I"ve met from here that I'm much closer to than my own family, and while I'm soooooo happy for that, just wish I could have the same relationship with my "real" family.

  I now know why people cut off all contact with their family, or leave their estates to their cat or something - it just hurts too much to let them in your life sometimes.

  This "hot and cold" is just getting to be too much for me to cope with.

  BB
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  babygirl75

  BB...I know exactly how you feel !!!!

  I wish my parents never would have been JW's and brought up all of us kids in it. I always think "if only"...

  All of my friends have family and get together all the time. Most of them have adopted me into their family; but of course it isn't the same. I never really know what is going on with my JW family unless there is some kind of crisis. Then I'm on a emergency need to know basis. It really sucks!!!

  You know you would think they would see that there is a severe problem within the organization to break up families and that natural bond; but no, instead that just look at you being the "evil" one that has left them, and that's not the case at all. It is just such an unloving organization!!! Makes me sick!
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  BFD

  Hi BB. Sorry you're going through this. I have two brothers and two sisters, none still in. I am fairly close with both my sisters and my oldest brother. My other brother is so f*ucked up in the head from being raised in but he doesn't see it and pretty much pushes us away. My older brother and I have a decent relationship but it's not deep. We never discuss anything cult related. He is now a Roman Catholic.

  My youngest sister is still an apologist (the only one mom does not shun) and I've had some heated discussions with her. She is so much like I was just a year ago it's scary. I think that I am gettting through to her slowly. I want her to let go of her fear of Armageddon the way I have. My older sister is just bitter about the whole shunning thing and the way it affected her children. She can spit fire. I don't blame her I just hope she doesn't make herself sick over it. She freaked out on me when I told her I contacted mommie dearest last month. I think it may effect my relationship with her if I allow my mom to come back in my life (which I will). It sucks to be put between a rock and a hard place and that is all this damn cult has to offer.

  You know what "they" say...you can pick your friends but, you're stuck with your family.

  (((BB)))

  BFD
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  cognac

  I wish my family was free spirited and hippie like. I don't look like I'm in the 60's but I just would like a lot more freeness and openess...

  Right now, I avoid most of my family like the plague. I'm just not like them... We get along great, but, 90% of what I'm thinking I can't share with them. I feel like they have no the slightest clue who I am.
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  journey-on

  I have a philosophy about families.

  There is a matriarch and a patriarch of each family. It is their responsibility to "blow the trumpet" when it's time to

  gather their clan together in celebration of family ties. Some of these older folks are just too damn lazy to do this

  and it causes their family to divide or just flounder around without direction. They have shirked their responsibility to

  gather their own together and maintain the ties that bind. It takes effort and real love to bring you and yours together.

  When my mother was alive, she "blew the trumpet" about four times a year calling all her kids and their kids together

  for family get-togethers. We were close and our kids were close. Lots of loving association and so much fun and music

  and laughter. Over time, however, the JW religion separated us and we all know how JWs are. If you're not one of them,

  then you are a non person. It crumbles the family bond. JWs have a hard time showing love to anybody that is not a fellow

  JW. They will say it's because of the ones that left the org, but it's not. It's because they can know longer show real love if you

  no longer conform to a religious viewpoint.

  I know families that are a mix of religious beliefs ---- Catholics, Baptists, and one calls himself humourously a Born-Again Pagan.

  But they still get together and party and laugh and have fun together. They celebrate family milestones together like birthdays,

  anniversaries, graduations, Christmas, etc. and this keeps them closely connected. It takes effort and committment on the part

  of the matriarch and patriarch. They set the tone and it's their responsibility to bring their family together.
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  ex-nj-jw

  Hey BB

  I know what you mean. I have a huge extended family but because my parents were JW's we only saw them when we took vacation, I didn't grow up with my cousins and aunties and uncles not even grandparents!

  My siblings and I were very close growing up, and even though 2 of my brothers are still in we talk all the time. My brother and his wife were in town not too long ago and we went to dinner and had a ball. I feel like I can only spend limited time with him and his wife though because eventually they will start the JW talk and useing the JW lingo and that just burns me up!

  I'm close to all my siblings except 2 - the lieing, criminal, drug addict and the golden youngest child.

  As BFD said "you can pick your friends but family, you are just stuck with!

  nj
• 

  mouthy

  I wrote a whole lot before this but it disappeared?????
  So I guess my LORD wanted me to SHUT YOUR MOUTH GRACE!!!!
  But I am gonna write it again. I am so sorry for your heartfelt feeling my love
  But I am gonna give you a bit advice ( again!!! you say).Why not write a letter to the one you saw on Facebook asking for donations. Tell her you would have loved to have participated in that quest.

  Ask her out right. Have I ever hurt you in some way or the other. I bet you will be surprised to hear from her. ( may be put a buck or two in the letter. ) tell her you would love to chat with her.....

  I do believe when your Mum died - lives take on so much hurt --- that family's part. I know that from Melanies death. their DAD dont bother with them at all. They (kids)are so hurt. True they have not always done what their Mother would have been proud of, but she adored them... I am sure you are loved by some of the family.

  Anyway I loves ya!!!!
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  momzcrazy

  Hey BB, I know how you feel.

  I am close to my brother and sister. My husband's family is very close knit though. I used to resent the fact that it seemed they moved in a pack, like wolves. My family wasn't like that. But now I treasure it.

  I have a large extended family, most of whom my kids will never meet. I send pics of them to my Grandparents, on both sides. That is about the extent of it.

  You and your husband are each others' family. People don't always find a wonderful mate to share their life with. Someone they actually like being around. But you have, so treasure that.

  momz
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  Finally-Free

  I now know why people cut off all contact with their family, or leave their estates to their cat or something - it just hurts too much to let them in your life sometimes.

  Cats are evil. My estate's going to Rocco.

  My sisters and their kids never got involved with the JWs, just me and my mom. When I left the JWs 20 years later my sisters and their families were really happy, but 20 years of coolness toward one another had taken it's toll. Or maybe it's just that my own thinking had been seriously f*cked over by the cult. Once a person's mind has been filled with shit everything starts to look a little brown. We view everything from very different perspectives.

  My sisters are a fair bit older than me, so there's a very real possibility that I'll outlive them. Their kids don't really give a shit for me, and I can't blame them since I was virtually nonexistent while they were growing up. I was too busy with the JW crap. No kids of my own. Most likely I'll die alone one day, in my recliner with Rocco on my shoulder.

  On a positive note, I have a few friends that mean a lot to me. That's where I'll focus my attention.

  W
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  jamiebowers

  Don't feel too badly about the lack of closeness in your family. It happens all the time when there is a bad history (premature death of parent, alcholism, being in the JW cult, etc.). Keep reaching out to your siblings and try to understand the reasons for the coldness, but at the same time, build a family of close friends.