Would you warn a woman of an abusive man? (page 3)

Satanus

Unless the other woman is a total bitch, I think, i would warn, and then tiptoe away.

S

JK666

Absolutely! Do it anonymously if you must, but warn her. Or have someone else do it for you.

JK

R.Crusoe

Cognac, I see what a snare you were in and like me I hated it so much!

I also know that now you would be a different woman to all that WT drivel poisoning minds of you and hubby with steroetypes and sexual conditions!

I would share my woman if she wanted it and have no problem! Honesty is beauty! I would also love her if she were a purist but not if she were hung up on sex and Biblical notions of one thing and another!

If your ex is still under WT mind control he may well still be brainwashed and have all the WT doubts in his head about faithful women etc etc and be so inhibited it screws him up! What human loves to hurt another? I say none unless they are sick or maladjusted! So it sounds to me like the guy had lots of self torture going on and if so and you feel strongly that this lady may be in a bad situation maybe ask if all is ok and that he used to get very down to the point of insane jealousy and it caused big problems but you hope he's over that stage in his life as indeed are you!!

Phrase it without it inviting harm for others but indicating your pasts were both sadly affected by the religion you were both trapped and ensnared within!

Thats maybe a loving way of hoping he has moved on and is finding some happiness someplace as well as aiding another in checking things are fine.

Maybe even meet again or give her your number!

The danger is if you preempt something IMO!

If he's recovering himself and feeling he's working positively but then she reminds him of a past which now has her worried - which will worry him and may become a self fulfilling prophecy!

Hope that makes sense! Why is life so complicated?

cognac

I don't really know what was going on in his head, however, on the off chance that he actually has changed, I will be careful in the way that I word things to her. I do believe that people should be forgiven but they do have to live with the consequences. Where I do think that I should say something I don't think that I should ruin his relationship if there is a chance he has actually changed...

There is good in him. When he was good, he was a great person! He was funny, charming, and just a great guy... I totally adored him...

But, it was just like this on and off switch... Something was definately wrong in his head, I don't even think he could control it...

Hopefully, he got some sort of help. Losing me was really bad for him... I will be careful in how I say things...

steve2

Why do women assume that "the other woman" can't make up her own mind? Contrary to some feminist views, women are adults not children. Why treat another woman as a victim even before there's any evidence that she herself has been abused? If she hasn't been abused yet, she won't believe you; and if she has been abused, she doesn't need you to tell her to get out; she'll be out like a shot. If, however, she's into the familiar victimhood frame of mind it will take more than your earnest warnings to wake her up and get her to take some responsibility for her wellbeing.

Besides, your seemingly well-intentioned warning could be perceived by the other woman as sour grapes; that is, your ex has got a new girlfriend and you're jealous.

Stop infantilizing the other woman and get on with your life.

Forscher

My wife and I did in fact warn one such woman.

she was a divorced friend of ours that we found out our daughter-in-law was trying to hook my wife's ex-husband up with.

Forscher

mrsjones5

I thought I would but I have to say that I didn't. My husband has a friend he met through his brother. A few years ago this man beat his then girlfriend, got arrested, and a court order to stay away from his girlfriend who is the mother of his son. Fast forward to just a few months ago, the man is in another relationship, marries this one, and flips out again and beats his wife up. The wife calls my husband to let him know what happened, the man got arrested and is now on house arrest and under court order to stay away from his wife. I asked hubby if he told her that this has happened before, he said no and I guess we both thought that what happened before was an isolated incident. Now looking back, maybe we should have warned her, even if there was a chance she wouldn't believe us or tell us to mind our own business.

I don't think this guy needs to ever be in another relationship.

Next time, if there's a next time, I'll open my mouth.

Josie

bigmouth

Cognac - "There is good in him. When he was good, he was a great person! He was funny, charming, and just a great guy... I totally adored him...
But, it was just like this on and off switch... Something was definately wrong in his head, I don't even think he could control it...
Hopefully, he got some sort of help. Losing me was really bad for him... "

O.K., how about this; Approach your ex. instead and remind him that you are aware of his good qualities but that you can't forget how he behaved when his thoughts got away on him and he began to behave abusively. Let him know that unless he takes positive action toward his mental health, he runs the risk of perpetuating the bad things in his new relationship and he will suffer the same misery over again. Along with his new girlfriend.

Can you do this in a semi public place where you remain safe ? An e-mail will likely get an angry response I would think. A letter might work in a quiet way.

Hope4Others

He has a girlfriend. I don't know her

No, its non of your business.

h40

DJK

I have difficulty getting involved with other peoples relationships.

Abuse is bad we agree. If you feel better trying to warn her, anonymously mail printouts that list the signs of abuse. Hopefully she will see warning signs and get out quickly.

If you speak directly to her she may go back to him and repeat what you said.

Would you warn a woman of an abusive man?

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