I was the 'deeply spiritual' part of our marriage. I was not a 'born in', but almost, since my mother discovered and attached us to the religion when I was about 4 or 5 years old. My wife was born in.
In many ways, looking back, our marriage was always key. We were not typical Jw in some ways, though we bought the entire package set before us. Our marriage was our universal center, not our religion. This helped us to eventually leave together. That, and the fact that I was the spiritual one [and by WTS standards the head], and I was the one who began to question things first. Really, I think Wifey just always followed my lead - and it was likely inevitable that if I figured it out, she would follow.
Although there had been other 'watershed moments', ones that I did not recognise at the time, I began to really sense that things were wrong with the changes in the 1914 dogma in 1995. The next half dozen years found me trying to figure it out without allowing 'apostate material' to influence that. I went thru complicated 'scenarios', calculations about the mortality of the 1935 'sealed ones', and pondered deeply the failure of the 'anointed' to die - the same 8500 just seemed to live on and on. Then I began to 'allow' myself to at least read the accounts of others who had left, while carefully tip-toeing around websites that would bias me against the religion that I still loved. That went on for 2 or 3 more years, on and off. All through this mine-field of discovery, right by my side, was my wife. I told her everything that I thought - I always have - so she shared my journey on auto-pilot. But I continued to be the one who sought 'the truth about the truth', she was just a side-kick. Or at least I thought she was.
In the late summer of 2003 I had begun to expose myself more to the Internet than before. I actually clicked on a few ads about Ray's books - and would look at the description with tremendous desire to read them. This too I expressed to my wife as she occasionally peered over my shoulders. I eventually was drawn to these ads time and again, though there was some time between these events, as I was truck driver thru part of that time, and not home enough to spend much time on the matter. Finally one day I stated the same thing again "Someday I am going to order those books and see what Franz really says there". To which Wifey replied "No need - I have them on order - read them or don't read them, your choice, but I am going to read them and find out what he says".
I was floored. Taken by complete surprise. I expected that she would read them, once I finally decided to order them. But never expected her to take charge and make the decision. I was wildly in expectation of them. And when they arrived we both devoured them. By January or thereabouts of 2004, we had mutually elected to never enter the Kingdom Hall again. And we never have.
I have adapted a little slower to the customs and 'worldly holidays' than she has. I suspect that deep inside she had determined there were deep problems in the organization long before I did. Once she saw me making moves toward actually finding out the reality - she took hold and never looked back. She is still doing that.
Our marriage has not suffered a single altercation as a result of this discovery. I only wish we had made it 20 years earlier.
Jeff
