As many of you know , me and my fading 23 year old son have been trying to reach out to my polite 21 year old JW daughter . Sending cards, letters , phone calls just to let her know we love her, miss her , and remind her of good family times we've had in the past ! Not being pushy - just being authentic with her ! After 3 months of doing this - finally some fruit is coming for our efforts ! Thanks as well to JK 666 for helping me see the need to be patient - and take out " one brick " at a time with her ! Kudos bro!! Sorry this is a bit long - but it's needed to get the full picture. Thanks friends for reading !
After not talking with her in 9 months, my daughter called me Friday afternoon and was friendly , seemed genuine , and although did call to invite me to the Memorial , still talked for about an hour on the phone ! I would say it was a one time shot - but she has called me two days in a row since as well ! Saturday and Sunday ! So , about the first conversations Friday and Saturday .
Friday : We talk about how her life is going , her and her husbands work , I share the same info back . She invites me to the memorial - and I say thank you for inviting me, I'll have to see , won't make any guarantees but kind of her to find the address to my local kingdom hall and KH phone number ! I compliment her for her caring efforts . She did the same for her brother living in another area ! So we begin discussing the death of a certain elder's wife recently in a place we used to live. This elder's wife was murdered ( age mid 70's ) by a recently released psycho ward patient from their neighborhood ! My daughter mentions , " It's a good thing the elder has the resurrection hope to count on ! " I saw this as an opportunity to bring my daughter into the "here " and " now " thinking away from cult thinking. I said , " Yes. I'm sure that helps , however what can really help this elder RIGHT NOW is the love and caring actions and support he gets from those around him who are living right now to assist him with real needs ! He needs to grieve and it's normal to feel sadness and grieving emotions. He needs time to feel those and eventually move on with his life the best he can . " She agreed , and said yes he does need caring support. We closed our talk with " I love you " pleasantries. She said she'd call Saturday .
SATURDAY : She calls again 3 hours before the Memorial ! This time I notice a bit more serious ( cult like ) tone to her voice as if on a duty or robotic mission from the " organization " . She says she really hopes I can go to the Memorial tonight . So I tell her the truth. I told her I have really some deep issues with the child abuse scandals that happened and would find it really difficult for my conscience to allow me to go , as I'm struggling with my agony over the mistreatment of children by the societies policies ! I told her " I am hurt and cut to the heart " with the policies and deeply offended in the unjust treatment of abuse victims ! So she immediately ( as most witnesses do ) changes the subject on me ! She asks me " Dad, what do you hope for the future ? Do you think you will see your good witness buddies who died in a resurrection ? " She knows I have close friends who died over the years. I said, " Well, I don't know if I'll see them or not ! I hope I do, but I'm not sure if they'll be back or not . " I continued, " I feel the future is an open book , it's what we make it in the here and now . None of our futures are written yet ! I try to be loving now to people I can help in the present . "
Then she kind of surprised me with a really " cult controlled " statement , she said, " Dad , you know that it's what Jehovah wants us to do that we should be doing - not just what we want to do . ! " I replied, " Yes, daughter, but Jehovah gave us free moral will. We are free moral agents who have the right to choose what we want to do , and decide ! " Then I controlled and guided the conversation back to the original " child abuse issue " . I told her, " I have some things about the child abuse issue I need to talk with you about which I discussed with a representative of the Bethel legal department on the phone for an hour in February . It will help you understand the stand I am making . " So, she said that would be fine - she would call me tomorrow !
SUNDAY : So, while my son and I are working Sunday night she calls about 9:30 P.M. Pacific time . I ask her if it's a convenient time to tell her about the Bethel legal rep conversation ? She says yes it would be fine if I had the time away from work for a minute ! So , the next hour I spent explaining to her in a loving, but firm of conviction manner the things told to me by the Bethel legal representative about how they handle child abuse. I stated to her my main beef with the organization is the lack of caring or concern about the molestation victims - just the outward appearance of the " Watchtower society " to the public eye. I explained that innocent people have been expelled from the witnesses for going to the authorities , as have victims themselves - while elders and others who are pedophiles continue to commit the crimes over and over without punishment ! I explained the " phone booth " policy the elders use at the societies direction to avoid needless publicity , but how it hurts kids in the end because 911 operators will not investigate it unless they have the name , address, and phone number of the reporting party ! When I quoted her Romans 13: 1,2 about how we were trained as witnesses to show " subjection " to the superior authorities placed there by God to give " punishment " to those deserving of it , and I stated that laws of the land are there for our own protection. Traffic laws, speeding, running of red lights, and laws on murder, and child abuse . Which I told her a child abuser can be put away for life , just like a murderer ; in the U.S.A. it is considered a felony !!! So, I asked her ," Would God approve it if you, me, the witnesses or anybody prevented the law from doing it's job of punishing pedophiles by NOT reporting it and harboring or protecting them from just punishment ? " She thought about it and agreed . She said, " No ! That would be wrong ! " Then I said , "That's why I have issues . " She really understood. She told me to pray for help from the main authority Jehovah to help me see how to go.
I finished by telling her there are more ongoing cases as we speak . The Gilbert Simental case in Riverside, California where the elders are refusing to testify about it. And I explained all that to her, the California court rulings against " clergy penitent privilege " and all.
So, it ended well , she received the information well , and said she'd like to talk more on Tuesday and perhaps even get together for lunch sometime ! Her brother, my fading son , is calling her today to talk with her as well. He is smart, and won't put more on her at the present as she can handle - but Mrs. Flipper, me and my son are finally glad the silent treatment seems to be over - for now ! Exciting !
So, what do you all think ? Any suggestions on how to proceed from here ? I just want to slowly build back up a relationship , and I'll go easy on the anti- witnessing somewhat ! Do it in increments so to speak. I look forward to your opinions, advice, feedback as always and I wish luck to you folks as well with your adult children . May we all keep thinking of them . Peace out to all of you, Mr. Flipper P.S. I'm getting a little misty eyed and choked up as I write this ! Hand me a kleenex ! Peace !
My JW Daughter Calls Me - First Time in 9 Months - Great Conversation !
by flipper 42 Replies latest jw friends
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flipper
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SPAZnik
*hands kleenex*
wonderful development.
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flipper
SPAZNICK - Thanks my friend ! These are happy tears though . I'll still use the kleenex ! Thanks ! Now I'll blow ! Honk, honk ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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Akira
Those are great news! I am happy for you. Take it easy and let her to speak her mind. It's a good beginning.
(((((Hugs)))))
Akira
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Mr. Majestic
I'm getting a little misty eyed and choked up as I write this !
Sniff….!! So was I…….
Hope it goes well from here on Mr. Flipper. No advice from me but just to say I’m really pleased for you.
Hope it goes well on Tuesday.
Good luck……
Mr.M
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OnTheWayOut
I want to say kudos for an outstanding conversation. But as I do so, is this enough
rope for her to DF you? Your daughter is more important than any verdict from 3 strange
men, but I wonder if she was fishing for stuff to use- on a mission from WT.You told her truthful newsie things, but...
" I am hurt and cut to the heart " with the policies and deeply offended in the unjust treatment of abuse victims
my agony over the mistreatment of children by the societies policies
my main beef with the organization is the lack of caring or concern about the molestation victims - just the outward appearance of the " Watchtower society
These things could be twisted by her and her other listener on the line to say,
"I no longer believe the organization represents God."I highly doubt it. I just lay it out there as a possibility. You know the history.
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compound complex
Flipper,
Great news! Thanks for sharing and giving us hope.
(PS: things are looking up for me in the same arena.)
CoCo
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coffee_black
Great news Flipper!
Coffee
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Layla33
Flipper, I am happy for you, persistence pays off. It made me a little weepy.
My father is here today and over lunch, he asked me, "Was anything I did that kept you away from 'the truth'?" Again, he so sad about it, because he takes it so personally, but I just say no, change the subject and he was happy again.
He's resting now, but we are going out to dinner later, (with some non-JW friends of mine), but I am thinking one day I am going to face him with some things, I am just trying to figure out how. It's so touchy.
You are doing good. I am sincerely happy for you, flipper.
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Wordly Andre
Flip thats great, you planted the seed lets see what grows