Dear Joelbear, You do not sound insane to me at all.......but depressed, and that can be a very debilitating and dangerous thing. You express yourself way to well for an insane person. The good news is that you are not alone, as there are many people here that have depression issues that stem directly from their JW past....including me. I do not hae the answers, as I have learned that this problem is overcome in many different ways since we are all different. I have tried a dozen meds with poor results....they do not work for everyone. Good excercise seems to help or at least it sure dosent hurt, and went my mind races or gets too focused on a negative thought, I try slow deep breathing while focusing only on each breath, and generally a positive thought about what that breath is doing for me. That may sound corny, but doing that DOES take your mind of the negative or depressing thought. It is very hard to focus deeply on two contrary thoughts at the same time.
Tomorrow could well be better...........so hang in there and GOOD LUCK